How to support your kids and customers in this time of national mourning.

It's Kiwi human nature to do something when tragedy strikes. For many of us in the wake of the horror and devastating violence inflicted on people at prayer at two Christchurch Mosques last Friday, 15 March, we are doing just that.

We're writing heartfelt messages, delivering flowers, food and water, hugging and comforting strangers, donating large sums of money, standing at vigils and going to our own places of worship. We're doing what we've always done, we're looking out for our neighbours.

But as a collective nation, we're also listening, watching, reflecting and trying to understand how this atrocity could happen.

What parents can do

As parents, this is our opportunity to take an even greater role, to show our kids leadership. Our kids will learn how to react and behave by looking at how we react and behave. Love and compassion can be learned as much as hatred and intolerance.

Online resources

I received some useful resources from my daughters' schools today, issued by the Ministry of Education and shared on the Children's Commissioner NZ's Facebook page, that may be helpful to you:

• How to Talk to Kids about Mass Shootings and Attacks
• How to talk to your kids about: Trauma
• How to talk to children about terrorism
• Talking about traumatic events
• Helping children
• Tips for parents and educators: Supporting children and young people

Listen

While I am a parent not a parenting expert, experience tells me that listening to our kids at this time is extremely important. Hear and validate their concerns. Help them to separate reality from imagination and fear. My daughter's immediate fear was that the killers would turn up at her home. So it is important to remind them that they are safe! They are safe at school, they are safe at home, and they are safe everywhere else. Encourage them to be street smart and aware, but not to be fearful.

Limit media

I would also suggest limiting TV media, YouTube and social media exposure. Research suggests that excess exposure to details of a tragedy can heighten trauma. Instead, chat to your kids, go for a walk, bake, garden, play games... anything but continually watch the tragedy play out across different mediums in multiple ways.

Attend a vigil or peace march

Many schools are bringing their children together in ceremonies, events, special assemblies, mass and church services. But uniting as a family by attending one of New Zealand's many vigils may make your children feel supported and empowered (because they're doing something), and connected with others. Encourage them to make homemade cards or candles, make flower garlands, and share in the experience of what it means to be a Kiwi coming together in love and peace.

Here are just some events happening this week:

• Christchurch — Remember Those Who Lost Their Lives 15-3-19: Thursday 21 March 8.30pm — 9.30pm, Cathedral Square.
• Dunedin — Vigil for Lives taken in Christchurch: Thursday 21 March, 7pm — 8.30pm, the Octagon.
• Auckland — Jummah Remembrance: Vigil for lives taken in Christchurch: Friday 22 March from 6pm — 7pm, Aotea Square.
• Auckland — Kia Kaha Aotearoa: Stand Against Racism: 2pm — 4pm, Aotea Square.
• Nelson — Race Unity Day: Sunday 24 March, 11am — 4pm, Victory Square.

Explore Islam

With knowledge comes understanding. And with understanding comes connection. A friend of mine attended a service for people of all denominations to honour Muslims, who also attended the service. There she heard that in Islam, Mary, the mother of Jesus, is referred to as "the greatest of all women", and that Jesus is called the "spirit of God"and is considered the penultimate prophet and messenger of God (Allah). She didn't know that!

It revealed to her how little most Kiwis understand Islam, and that now might be a good time to help our kids dig a little deeper and widen their (and our) understanding.

At this time of crisis, too, understanding the Muslim perspective on these atrocities may also help. This message to Brenton Tarrant written by Chinese Muslim Jinghan Naan, has gone global:

It highlights the strength of the Muslim faith and is enlightening, to say the least.

What businesses can do

How a business can give

Today, I received an email from one of my New Zealand service providers who quietly said that it had made a $20,000 donation to United for Christchurch and encouraged its customer to do the same. I think this is a powerful and relevant use of its database.

Here are two of the most popular donation sites:

• United for Christchurch Mosque Shootings - All funds raised are going to be distributed to the families by NZIIC - New Zealand Islamic Information Centre
• Christchurch Shooting Victims' Fund - Victim Support will use all donations received to this page to provide support and resources for people affected by the Christchurch shootings and their family members.

Shut down advertising, promotions, competitions

This Wednesday, 20 March, is International Day of Happiness. Lots of brands had plans in place to celebrate the day, which are now - rightly - put on hold. How a business advertises and uses social media this week is critical to how they will be perceived and received in the long term.

This week it may be insensitive to go on about business as usual online (even our parliament is being courteous by suspending sittings and political debates, and sending MPs home to their communities). So I suggest limiting or switching off promotional activity altogether.

If you're planning to donate profits from all sales, do that. But otherwise, a simple message of kindness and love may be enough. I have noticed this weekend that all digital advertising in bus shelters has been replaced with messages of support. This was beautiful.

Pull Facebook and Instagram advertising

Just don't. Remember social media is a place for people to connect first, advertising is not its prime reason for being. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram are being used for people to share their grief, connect with others and learn about events in their area. They do not want a volley of Facebook and Instagram competitions, promoted posts and off-message blog content.

A rule of thumb would be to take a step back and ask, "If my friend was in mourning, would I share this post?". If not, don't do it as a business either.

Avoid assumptions

One thing that has arisen this weekend, driven by our passionate desire to help, are assumptions. These are assumptions around what we think people want without us checking whether there is a need or not.

Before any business suggests sending food, supplies, excess stock, or product seconds, that they ask the people at the centre of the situation what they want, if anything at all.

A friend of mine talked to Muslim leaders at her local Mosque several times this weekend and asked them what they wanted - did they want food, water, or something else? They told her that they most wanted financial donations made to the victims' families. To pay for everything needed in the coming weeks, months and years.

That money will be used to send bodies overseas, to have family members stay for extended periods of time, to pay for home alterations if needed, to pay for extra help and care, to pay for flights for other family members, and much, much more. They urged not to send clothes, or "stuff" you just want to give without seeing if they need it.

What we have witnessed and will witness over the coming weeks is heartbreaking. It's our time to show the world leadership and BE the love and compassion we want to see in the world.

#westandtogether

Wendy Thompson, CEO & Founder, Socialites,

2018 Australasian Best Social Media of the Year