How To Support Your Community Through Life's Changes and Hard Times

Lately my LinkedIn has been full of announcements from my network and viral posts about being laid off, family deaths, and medical diagnoses. I was always told things happen in threes, and apparently, that rang true for the last few weeks.

Earlier this week there was a viral post that said those who were laid off should not be upset because of the severance package and that they would have gladly switched places with them so that they could be laid off instead. Immediately I thought what a wretched thing to say to someone who just lost their livelihood.

But then I thought, what if this was their way of silver lining the situation and offering encouragement?

“Sucks you lost your job, but at least you got paid out and can use that money for a trip!”

“I’m sorry your spouse died, but at least you have your kids to remember them by!”

“Sure, you won’t have hair anymore due to chemo, but at least you save money on shampoo!”

These are all things that we’ve said to those we know going through trying times – or have at least heard being said, right?

You see, most people get uncomfortable around tough situations like these, so they end up trying to silver line it with a “yeah, but…,” statement – which inevitably just makes the person on the receiving end more upset and does more harm than good.

I think it’s natural for most humans to want to offer support during these situations, but if we’ve never experienced these things personally, then it’s hard for us to find the words. So, instead we offer condolences, silver linings, and press the heart emoji reaction to show our support.

Now, there’s something to say about reaching out to folks and offering condolences or encouragement, don’t get me wrong; but what happens when those words feel insufficient or hollow? These are people we care about and want to do something for. But you’ve never experienced what they’re going through, so you can’t exactly relate. All you know is that you want to do something more than hit a button on a social media post or type, “I’m thinking of you.”

This is where I like to think we can get creative and do something else.

Act.

It’s as simple as that. We can act. If you know someone who is going through something, move into action. It can be super small, or it can be large. However, I’d caution you to use your best judgement here. Don’t let your act turn into a burden to that person.

For me, when my foster mom died in January, we got hit with a meal train and it was perfect because they’d drop off the food and leave. They didn’t expect us to sit and talk with them for an entire evening when they knew that we were all in shambles. Their act was simply making sure that we were being fed. That was huge for us – and to this day, I am still eternally grateful for the community who helped us.

So, what are some actions you can take to help your friends, family, and colleagues during these times of need and uncertainty?

It could be you offering to pick up their kiddos to/from school, dropping off a homemade meal, baked goods – or even a doordash gift card, sharing their resume with your connections, helping them network, and my favorite – just offering space. Perhaps they just want a listening ear or to go somewhere to “escape” – so you go for a meal, a movie, or fun activity. Just remember: let them talk to you without silver-lining their experiences.

Sit in the discomfort. The pain. The frustration. The sadness. All of it. Hunker down in the trenches with them and let them know that yes, the situation does suck – and that you’re here for them. We don’t have to provide the wisdom or solutions – because likely, we won’t have that, so just take the time to be together and listen.

All of this isn’t to say that comments and reactions to an online post are insufficient because I do think they are a meaningful display of support, and we should keep that up. What I’m saying is that the act of showing up in these ways (among many others) can make such a huge difference in their lived experience – and feels better than them receiving a bunch of silver linings. We have so much to offer to each other as a community, and sometimes acting in real life instead of only through the digital space, can make all the difference.

As we approach the apex of the holiday season, I encourage you to take some time to see how you can show up and support those in your lives with simple actions. This is something we can all be better at doing; it’s not easy and it can be uncomfortable, but dang is it important work to do. I’m challenging myself to do this and I hope that you’ll join me.

Empathy, kindness, and showing up. Let these be the three that ring true for you in your actions.

After all, we’re all in this together, right??