How to Support Your Children to Achieve Their Desired Career

I have had numerous interactions with teenagers and their parents as an educator with over 34 years of experience in senior school leadership, as well as being a father of two grown sons. In my career in education, I have noticed how parental aspirations can significantly affect young minds, often negatively. Naturally, we parents have a desire for our children to succeed but we must be careful to make a distinction between guidance and imposition. Our role is to guide and not to impose our desires on the children. Like other parents, I, too, had unfulfilled dreams and the craving to realise them through my sons. However, I had to realize as parents to support our children in pursuing their dreams backed by their passion, rather than making them compromise for my dreams.

I remember moments when my aspirations seemed to overshadow my sons’ dreams. I admit that I had plans for my sons’ prestigious careers, and perhaps even the stability and stature I hadn't achieved. But when I noticed that each of my sons had unique passions—distinctly different from my dreams—I consciously quietened myself. My role then moved from leading to backing, from controlling to facilitating. Today, both of my sons are doing well and are established in the careers they have chosen for themselves. I am glad that the decision while challenging initially, proved to be one of the most fulfilling of my life.

The Seduction of Experiencing Life Through Others

The silliest mistake we commit as parents is bringing our own experiences, successes, and regrets when guiding our children. We unconsciously believe that we know what’s best for them considering experience is better than collected wisdom in books. Consequently, sometimes, without realizing that time changes our life preferences, we cast our unfulfilled aspirations onto our children. I’ve seen it repeatedly in my career: parents wanting their children to follow in their professional footsteps or their preferences in life.

Why do we forget that our children too have their own set of passions, challenges and dreams?

We need to allow ourselves to recall our adolescence. Each child is a unique individual, with a different set of interests and talents. We must remember by imposing our ambitions upon them, we’re redirecting their career path at the risk of their mental health, self-esteem, and the joy of doing work one loves. The tragic increase in cases of young people feeling so trapped in the careers they were forced into, that they consider extreme measures, alarms the urgency of changing this pattern.

The Burden of Parental Expectations

I have met so many students whose passions sharply contrast with the dreams their parents had seen for them. They were bound to live a frustrated life. They seemed to have caught between their love for a profession based on their passion and the parental pressure to choose “lucrative” professions like medicine, engineering, or government service. These careers are indeed rewarding, but they may not align with everyone’s passion.

These contradictions between parental expectations and a child’s dreams create a suffocating environment that can damage self-expression. Teenagers reluctantly carry the weight of unfulfilled parental dreams, which can mentally devastate them. Some young people eventually compromise with such expectations, yet many others live in a tug of war all life. It is easy to identify such students whose subjects do not align with their passion. You can see them sitting in classrooms, feeling disconnected from the subjects they study, feeling a growing void as they chase goals that aren’t theirs. Some fail to cope with the mental tension, leading to anxiety, depression, and, tragically, even suicidal thoughts.

Recognizing and Embracing Individual Passions

Parents must understand their children as unique individuals with distinct qualities and ambitions. There are myriad career options these days that didn’t exist just a few decades ago.

Our children have lots of options now we never considered them meaningful or respectable.

In my years as an educator, I’ve found that encouraging young people to explore their passions is incredibly rewarding. When I look back at my sons, I am proud not of the specific careers they chose but of the fact that they were brave enough to choose them. My younger son pursued a computer engineering career, while my elder son chose a political field. Each followed his path with a sense of purpose, and my role as a parent was to corroborate their decisions, even when they differed from my expectations.

A parent may worry out of love that supporting a less established career choice may put their child at a disadvantage. Nonetheless, passion is to be trusted as an excellent predictor of resilience and dedication. Young people with a passion for their chosen work are more likely to overcome obstacles and excel in their fields. Passion-driven work is always satisfying; it adds meaning to one’s life—a precious viewpoint often overlooked when planning only for job security.

Closing the Communication Gap Between Parents and Teenagers

How can parents effectively support their teenagers in career exploration while addressing their concerns about their child’s future?

1. Engage in Open Conversations

Don’t dictate a career path, create a safe space for honest discussions about interests, fears, and ambitions. Listen without judgment, and try to understand what truly excites your child. This helps bridge the generational gap and fosters mutual respect.

2. Help Them Explore

Encourage your child to experience different fields through internships, shadowing, or workshops. Exposure helps them make informed decisions and allows you to see how their interests strengthen.

3. Encourage Stability and Adaptability

Careers today are rarely linear. Don’t focus on a specific job title. Encourage evergreen skills like adaptability, problem-solving, and creativity. These attributes are valuable across fields and will serve your child well, regardless of the profession they choose.

4. Reassess Your Dreams

Check the roots of your expectations.

Is your child’s success tied to your validation?

Would it harm your pride if your child chooses a different path?

These reflections can help separate your needs from theirs and allow you to support them heartily.

5. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Acknowledge your child’s efforts in their journey, not just the outcome. Not to focus solely on end achievements, to avoid the pressure to “succeed” at any cost. Appreciate persistence and learning experiences leading to a healthier approach to success.

The Takeaway

There is no standard definition of success. It varies from person to person, and from purpose to purpose. It is unique. No one can copy another’s success. What we once considered milestones of achievement—titles, income, stability—are no longer the only criteria for a successful life. Support your child in pursuing a career that resonates with their preferences and passions. Don’t think they take a different route than you expected, but think they are more likely to lead a life of happiness and purpose.

I acknowledge it is difficult to let go of expectations especially when we care deeply about our children’s futures. But, don't forget our role is to guide and be ready to encourage and support them not to map out their entire journey.

Disclaimer: Originally published on another platform https://vocal.media/families/how-to-support-your-children-to-achieve-their-desired-career