How to support a colleague in crisis
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“True compassion means not only feeling another's pain, but also being moved to help relieve it.” - Daniel Goleman
Ponder this…
As a leader, you’ll likely need to help support a colleague or team member through a crisis at least once in your career. Try as we may, we will all have moments where our personal and professional lives collide. In the United States, an estimated one in five adults live with some form of mental illness - that’s 57.8 million of us. But suffering isn’t limited to those with a diagnosis. Tragic life events — death of a loved one, divorce, miscarriage, assault, abuse, illness — have an undeniable effect on our mental health.?
The topic of personal trauma and mental health is a sensitive one, and many of us are uncomfortable talking about it due to stigma, fear of judgment, and lack of understanding. However, leaving a crisis unaddressed is inadvisable — for the person suffering and your organization. We spend more time with our colleagues than just about anyone else; it makes sense for us to support each other through difficult times. Social support is one of the ways that humans get through painful experiences, and how you respond to your colleague affects their experience of being at (or returning to) work, as well as their overall well-being.?
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, the perfect time to educate yourself on the complexities of trauma and mental health. If you suspect someone on your team may be suffering, here are a few ways to help.?
Increase your awareness.
Depending on your organization’s atmosphere, your colleagues or team members may be reticent to disclose a personal tragedy or to talk about mental health issues. Often, a leader’s first challenge is simply recognizing the warning signs someone is going through a difficult time. This could look like:
As you look for these warning signs, be mindful of balancing concern with prying. Express care and empathy for your team member, but avoid asking a lot of questions about their problems; this can make them feel pressured to disclose. Instead, let them take the lead and decide how much or how little they tell you about their situation.
Offer flexibility.
Depending on the situation, the person in crisis may need time and space from the office. Those experiencing a hardship may need to schedule more appointments than usual or take time off for recovery or inpatient treatments. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line , and those who have lost someone may need flexibility and understanding as they navigate workplace triggers.?
Many companies have official personal leave and bereavement policies , but nothing is one-size-fits-all. As much as you can, follow their lead. Work with your team member to create a return-to-work plan, and offer as much flexibility as you can within your organization’s guidelines.
Returning to work can be an intense experience, so proactively communicate that it’s perfectly okay to take breaks, get out for walks, call their partner, or check in with trusted colleagues over the course of the day. And that if they need to suddenly leave a meeting or go home, to do so.
Seek guidance on what to communicate.
No matter what they’re going through, it’s likely an employee’s absence will be noted. Be careful not to make announcements you’re not authorized to share. Consult with your colleague about what they want communicated to the team and by whom. They may want you to send a message to the team, or they may prefer to communicate it directly or have a trusted colleague do so.?
Especially in larger companies, news may travel slowly, and sharing cues for what the person wants when addressing their absence can be helpful. For example, when grieving a loss, some people may not want to be asked about it. Others may want to be asked so they can say their loved one’s name and remember them. Some people are comfortable with sharing their weekly therapy appointments, while others prefer to keep it to themselves.?
There is no right or wrong. Instead, it’s about respecting their personal needs and wishes.
Check in.
It’s normal for a person’s needs and feelings to fluctuate when struggling with a personal tragedy or mental health. Your best course of action is to regularly check in on how to best support them.
You might say, “I’m glad you’re here, and I imagine it’s not easy. Is there anything more that you need from me or the team?” Remember that traumas, illnesses, and other personal struggles can be longstanding, so make sure to continue touching base with them regularly. This is especially important as anniversaries of traumatic events approach. It may be helpful to mark your calendar and proactively offer your team member the day off.
If your team member has expressed willingness and interest in discussing what’s going on, don’t back away from the conversation. Some people just need a sounding board, and some may ask for guidance or help. Again, let them take the lead. Sometimes the right answer will be to connect your team member with professional resources rather than being the resource yourself.
While there is nothing you can do to take away your employee’s pain, you can make work more tolerable. By offering flexibility, compassion, and patience and following their cues, you can help your colleagues feel both validated and supported.
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