How To Support Change (What To Do When Nothing Else Works)

You have tried many times to tell them, give “feedback” and still the behavior does not change??Maybe you are trying to start at “home plate” and failing to touch 1st, 2nd and 3rd bases first.?(90 second read time).

Here is how to be successful, especially when there is resistance:

1)???First step is permission from the person to even discuss the issue – will they agree to hear some input and consider it??This simply acknowledges the other person’s existing power to not change if they want.

2)???Second base is to build their awareness of all aspects of the behavior with inquiry: what is their motivation (usually to get something they want or avoid something they don’t want), how does it feel, what is the intended result and what is the actual result??Resist the urge to move too quickly from this step.?Do not try to control the other’s reactions, even if you think they are being “defensive.”?They may need to “defend” before they can change and if you resist you will end up stuck in a loop of defend and attack.

3)???Next is to support the person to make new choices – to decide, themselves, to get a new outcome in a new way, so they make their own determination as to what they really want and to reduce the unintended impacts they may be having.

4)???Finally, they, again, themselves (though with your support), will implement the change and will appreciate acknowledgement from you and others that you see it, know it was hard, and respect the person for learning - which is never easy.

Awareness – Choice – Change, with the focus on the first two steps, is the process that lead to sustained change and avoids “reverting” under pressure.?

You know you are successful when you hear them say something like "the old me would have reacted differently, but now I know better!"

Sorry, there is no way to steal a base or skip a step – not for the bigger changes that make the most difference.?People will not change because they are convinced they are wrong, they change when they convince themselves they want something new.