How to Support an Anxious Co-Worker

One early spring morning years ago, Ziggy*, one of our Rose team members, walked into my office to discuss an important project she was overseeing. I remember this day vividly because -- after an exceptionally long and grey winter -- the sun made its glorious spring entrance and was streaming through my office windows. Everyone in the office was feeling the ebullient effects of the first day of spring. Everyone except Ziggy.

As she stepped into my office, I noticed that she didn’t appear her normally buoyant self. She usually bubbled with laughter and smiles. Instead, she was fidgeting and seemed to be having a hard time catching her breath. Because of this abrupt change in her demeanor, I started noticing that she looked as if she had not slept for several days. This prompted me to tune into her state of being to try to understand what was happening. As she shut the door, she launched into frantically presenting findings to me. I decided to stop her to ask how she was feeling. I remember seeing a shift in her eyes as she struggled to fight back tears. “I am so overwhelmed and I’m not certain why I feel this way right now,” she said.

Her overwhelming internal struggle with something less obvious elicited a deep compassion from within me towards her. I felt a responsibility for her wellbeing at work. “Is it related to your workload?” I asked. She assured that it wasn’t. She then looked at me and admitted that she had struggled with anxiety for years. She burst into tears as she admitted this. It was as if a weight had been on her and she could no longer carry the burden. She admitted to me that her anxiety had become so pronounced and was causing insomnia and constant worries about the future. I knew that she was undergoing a major upheaval in her personal life, but I hadn’t known how much it was affecting her. While I had no ability to access the suffering she was experiencing at that moment years ago, I understood that she needed to express this to me and I needed to listen without judgment.

Anxiety is currently the largest mental health issue in the world. It is estimated that 275 million people suffer from anxiety disorders; 61% of those who suffer are female. The 21st century has ushered in an increase in the prevalence of this disorder, which is marked by negative thoughts and feelings that provoke a physical reaction of tenseness, the inability to relax, racing thoughts, lack of concentration, and feelings of unease.

Many people who suffer from anxiety are unaware that they have a problem until it builds to a level that causes disruption in their lives. For some, anxiety can take the form of constant worry. For others, it develops into a specific phobia. Some people have panic attacks that can send them to the emergency room, thinking that they are having a heart attack or losing their mind. Others are anxious in social situations. This can have a huge effect on a person’s career, especially if it leads to absenteeism or the inability to work. 

On the flip side, many people who struggle with anxiety tend to be incredibly motivated, very detail oriented, and hard working. They often push themselves to overcompensate for their worries. Despite the negative chatter in their minds, they may appear to be poised and ready to take on challenges. People with anxiety can be at the top of their game, but unable to relax, accept their accomplishments, and enjoy their life’s journey.    

Because mental health issues are stigmatized, most people who struggle with them do not feel comfortable sharing this information with others. Of course, it is entirely their choice to share or not share this. But it is possible to offer support whether they share or not. If a co-worker or employee seems to be struggling under an extreme amount of stress, there are several ways to help:

1.      Listen without Judgement: If a colleague opens up to you about their struggles with anxiety or any other stressful situation, listening without judgement can be the best way to offer support. I found this eased the team member who expressed her distress to me.

2.      Empathize: We all struggle with stress and other negative emotions in our lives. The ability to empathize with a team member who is going through a difficult time can help them feel less isolated. Often, when someone is suffering from anxiety, they may feel alone in their struggle with their negative thoughts. Showing them that you understand can allow them to feel less alone. It also helps you too. It’s been shown that empathy helps you increase your creativity.

3.      Offer to Help: If a team member appears overwhelmed or in need of assistance, offer to help. This builds a sense of community within your team. It also takes the weight off one person and distributes it.

4.      Stay Positive: Negative thoughts that distort a person’s perception of themselves and the world can be both a symptom and a cause of anxiety. If someone is expressing anxious worries, offer a positive counter argument that puts things into perspective.

5.      Remember to Surrender: Anxiety can be fueled by the need to feel in control of situations that often we have no control over. Being able to let go and surrender to life is a practice that can be embraced. Adopting sayings such as the Serenity Prayer can help when times get rough. 

The best thing we can do when with anxious co-workers is to understand that we are all human, vulnerable, and imperfectly perfect. We are prone to the ups and downs of life. Building a strong team that not only produces work but also cares for each other is an important goal for any business. Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses can create a robust workforce.    

 *Name has been changed to protect the individual’s identity.