How to Successfully Build Small Talk Skills

Our current office environment encourages silence. Look at the layout of an open office space. Initially conceived to facilitate interaction has resulted in making people more self-conscious about speaking. A greater number of us are working remotely, rarely having face-to-face contact with anyone. The vast array of headphones available are used more at work than in any other location. No wonder no one has the opportunity for office small talk. That’s a problem for you, your colleagues, and the company culture.

Small talk isn’t an office conversation, the latter is generally about work. It’s those moments, maybe at the beginning of the day, while grabbing a coffee, or as you leave, when you say something to another person with the goal of engaging them in the moment. Maybe it takes a few seconds, rarely more than five minutes, but in that time, there is a bit of a connection. If you do it often enough it builds a relationship. Small talk is the part that comes after “good morning.” (Although, many people haven’t even nailed that good morning salutation either.) Unlike office conversation, small talk is generally not about work. Rather, it focuses on the person.

I appreciate idle chatter can be distracting, time consuming, and, sometimes downright rude. All of us need quiet time as well as think time. We also desire and benefit from interaction time. Small talk fits that bill.

So, why are some many people fearful, hesitant, or downright avoidant of this form of social activity?

1. Fear of the unknown. You’ve not done it much (or never or not successfully) and aren’t sure if or how it works — so you avoid it. Not a great plan and a lost opportunity with many benefits.
2. The perfectionist in you is striving for something profound, which is not the purpose or even necessary, so you delay. This behavior only makes it harder to connect.
3. Concerned you’ll say something stupid. Keep in mind the shelf life of these kinds of conversations is very short. Stupid will be forgotten — if it is even considered.
4. You haven’t had a role model in the small talk world. So, do you give up? Look around. That small talk genius just might be an intern, the head of sales, or a senior leader. It’s a talent you can find throughout the workplace when you look for it. Imitate and practice.
5. It’s a waste of time. You’re wrong. Survey who has gotten recognition, promotions, the inside scoop — are they having these casual internal conversations? The answer is often “yes.”
6. Privacy. You want to preserve yours, rightfully. This form of interaction isn’t about gloom and doom, nor is it the place to discuss your health or your financial status. You control what you share and what you keep to yourself.

Office small talk builds rapport. Rapport helps people know you, like you, and ultimately trust you. Gaining trust helps you earn support from others as well as build a positive reputation. It often allows you to make missteps or occasionally be delayed in-person or with a request without repercussions. Humans who know you forgive other humans.

The skills of office small talk can assist you in your life outside work, whether it’s dating, interviewing, or moving to a new neighborhood. It puts you in a place to someday ask for that LinkedIn recommendation, a job reference, or be privy to the inside scoop on office politics. None of these are attainable by just showing up at someone’s desk, or worse, making the request through e-mail or text.

Tips on Small Talk

Plan casual encounters. Walk around the office using different routes. (There’s more than one way to the coffee machine.) Your face will be more familiar and you’re upping your chances of meeting more people.

Look approachable. Posture, demeanor, and affect play a role in successful chitchat. Look like the person others want to speak with, now.

Know tidbits about co-workers. Who plays golf, who just had a baby, do they have a dog, when is their birthday? Conversations are easier when you have some facts and insights.

People are lonely. Most individual’s welcome conversation if the time and place are right. Don’t think because someone is high ranking in the organization, they wouldn’t welcome two minutes of you.

Be up on popular culture. Know a little bit about sports, music, movies, podcasts, etc. People like it when they see common ground. They also want to hear about new things and what they might have missed.

Small talk in the workplace is a skill that can be learned and enhanced. Attempted and practiced, it can be a huge asset to your career. Make a commitment and a plan. You’ll see results.

Jane Cranston is an executive coach, career coach and management consultant based in New York City. She shares with success driven executives and professionals, techniques, skills and goal setting strategies that accelerates their career trajectory, increases people management skills, and assists them in career change or job transitions. Receive Jane’s free “Competitive Edge Report” and the free audio download “Creating a Career Strategy” by visiting?https://www.executivecoachny.com.