How to be a Successful woman at work.

 In my career as a reader, one of the books that has deeply touched me is ‘Lean-In’ by Sheryl Sandberg. Although some people think of it as chronicles of woman who belonged to privileged strata of life and that she lacked a true insight into the career of a woman, who does not have the privileges of being able to afford nannies and college education. This critique lacks luster for me, because if looked through these surfaces, you can clearly see in her a woman struggling her way through the corporate world full of men and leaving a mark all the way. Any how this post is not about her book nor is it in her praise, however it is deeply inspired by Sandberg, and other women like her. It also draws lessons from my personal career, so here I will share some ways which women can use to be successful at work:

1.    They have firm faith in their abilities and are Self Confident

You have to believe it to achieve it. Believing in one’s abilities is the first step to be successful — this may seem a bookish statement, but no matter how crazy your dreams are — if you believe you can, then you can achieve them. You just have to rise above your own and other’s limiting believes about you and soar higher.

2.    They develop themselves constantly 

If one key to success is self-confidence then the second one is ‘preparation’. And successful women understand it more than anyone else, therefore they constantly invest in self-development. And it does not always have to be expensive, there are so many online courses which are free of cost, online books and articles can also add into self-development and all of them can be done at the convenience of your own time.

3.    They foster deep passion for what they do:

It is a hackneyed statement, but it is absolutely true that if you love what you do, you won’t have to work even a single day. It is passion to keep doing what you truly believe in, which ultimately matters. And this is precisely what successful working women use to help them pass through all the perils of life while carrying the burden of expectations which society had from them as a homemakers, mothers, wives and caregivers. Especially, in eastern cultures like Pakistan, where expectations from women are even higher.

4.    They create a support network around them:

Indra Nooyi believes that women can be successful at work if they help each other. She offers three pieces of strong advice to help women help each other:

a.      Seek Out Feedback from Other Women

b.      Give Feedback the Right Way

Women generally hold feedback for other women, as they think that it will not be received well by the other woman, and it is true as well. But we must learn to grow past that, so that we can create a constructive dialogue

c.      Look for Female Mentors – as a woman can help the other woman way more than a man

A female colleague of mine Gohar Nafees, shared this lovely article with me last week, and I would like to draw on it, it was about a study published in the Harvard Business Review which found that women who have a strong circle of friends are more likely to get executive positions with higher pay. "Women who were in the top quartile of centrality and had a female-dominated inner circle of 1-3 women landed leadership positions that were 2.5 times higher in authority and pay than those of their female peers lacking this combination," is this not enough to push you.

5.    They know that neither is success eternal nor failure permanent.

Successful women firmly believe in this statement. This belief keeps them grounded when they are successful and gives them energy to carry on when things are not going well. 

6.    They are ok with imperfections:

For a long time, I would beat myself for not giving enough time to my kids, there would be always this guilt that I am not a good enough mother. But then one day I realized that beating myself up for my perceived flaws will only hamper my abilities at work, not to mention the mental health. Research has also shown that wasting time and energy trying to be “perfect” only leads to unhappiness. Successful women know that that they can’t do everything well all the time. So, let’s not try to be Wonder Woman, but be who we can be without hating ourselves.

7.    They are risk takers:

There are lots of researches which go on to prove that women are more risk averse than men, and that under stress, this risk aversion increases, however Doug Sundheim in his famous article in HBR, ‘Do Women take as many risks as men’, blows this perception off, and powerfully concludes that women are just as good at risk taking as men, the trouble is that historically risk-taking has been framed so narrowly that it skews our perceptions. And I could not agree with him more. It’s our perception by society which makes us think that risk taking is not for us, I know of so many successful women around us who are just as good risk takers as men are, Syma Arshad; being an excellent case in point. 

8.    They are never sorry for being a woman:

Have you ever met, Fatima Asad-Said, how unapologetically feminine she is, still when she is there, she is there.

I am a feminist, but not your typical feminist, I don’t think that men and women should be treated the same way, rather I believe that they should be given equal opportunities. But more than this I believe in women power, i.e., women should never fall as low as comparing themselves to men, they are different beings and their strength is drawn from different sources and this should empower them and rather than making them feel apologetic for being a woman. Once you embrace your entity as a woman, you will become unstoppable.

9.    They believe in being comfortable with alone time, rather they make time for it:

I have been having this ‘me-time’ ever since I was a kid, I hate to talk to people right after I get up, therefore even as a child I would get up earlier than my family, spend so ’me-time’ doing whatever interested me at that particular moment (mostly some sort of exercise).

Research has also shown that women tend to prioritize domestic responsibilities such as housework and childcare over themselves. Successful women understand the importance of alone time to reassemble and to bring sanity in their chaotic routines. But I know from personal experience that it isn’t it easy to feel selfish when you’re, say, working on a personal interest, instead of staying late again at work or running another family errand.

However, Psychotherapist Cherilynn Veland, MSW, author of Stop Giving It Away: How to Stop Self-Sacrificing and Start Claiming Your Space, Power and Happiness, gives three important tips in her book, to get over this guilt:

a.     Conscious Calendar: she advises that women should go through their calendar for the upcoming week every Sunday night and put me-time and other self-care activities, such as exercise and 15-minute rest breaks, on the calendar first, before it is filled in with other activities.

b.    Setting reminder alarms on phone for me-time and self-care: and then not to ignore the alarms. Honor these appointments with self just like one would keep other appointments in their calendar.

c.     Don’t try to just wait until you feel like you need ‘me-time’: Women are conditioned to disconnect from their needs, so by the time they will feel that they need ‘‘me-time’’ they may already be running on empty. So maybe you can start by faking it until you actually start to enjoy this and look forward to it.

10. They invest time in physical well-being:

A healthy body will house a healthy mind. One great way of using this ‘me-time’ is investing in some sort of physical activity. If you look at the successful around you, you would hear them passionately share the value of regular exercise — not because want to achieve a certain body type, but because they know that exercise relieves stress, releases endorphins and increases energy and increases mindfulness. And it’s like Debora Spar, voiced my thoughts when she wrote, “If I didn’t run, swim, or lift weights, I almost certainly would have killed someone by this point in my life.”

These are just a few life lessons, hopefully you guys can add more.More love and power to all the women out there, working or stay at home.

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