How to successfully manage other peoples emotions --keys to getting through the day

Walking into the conference room, you could tell the atmosphere was off.?

Like going from breathing fresh Colorado air….to deeply inhaling the south end of a northbound skunk.?

The mood of the entire team was sour, yet a few hours earlier, everything seemed fine. Over the next two days, I made it a point to talk to each person individually to find out what happened.?

One of the employees who had been with the company for 25 years carried a massive chip on his shoulder, one of arrogance and pride.

He loved to "share" his opinion on what everyone else was doing in the most negative way. The bottom line, he had a very narcissistic personality, and it was rubbing off on the team.?

Over the next several months and many meetings with HR, this person was removed from the team. However, the collateral damage was evident. Eventually, the team improved, and the environment changed, but not until some hard lessons were learned.?

Navigating the emotional landscape of our team members can be a defining factor in our success. While dealing with their feelings of frustration, anxiety, and discontent may seem overwhelming, it is precisely through these challenges that we can strengthen our leadership capabilities.

Cultivating the ability to manage others' emotions effectively is a skill that can be honed with practice, enabling us to foster a positive and productive work environment. After 25 years of leadership in the military, government, and private sector, here are five things I try to practice every day.

Navigating Emotional Challenges?

Rather than viewing team members' emotions as problems to be solved, cultivate curiosity and empathy to better understand and address their feelings. Instead of providing immediate advice, take the time to inquire about the underlying causes and potential benefits of their emotions.

Doing so creates a supportive atmosphere that encourages open communication and builds trust among team members.

Example: When a team member expresses frustration over a project delay, ask them about their concerns and how they think the situation could be improved. This approach shows that you value their perspective and are willing to work together to find solutions.

Ideas for Improvement

a. Practice active listening during team interactions to better understand the emotions and concerns of your team members.

b. Encourage open communication where team members feel comfortable sharing their emotions and concerns.

Strengthening Emotional Composure

Leadership roles can be emotionally demanding, and managing your emotional reactions to lead effectively is essential. Practice self-validation by acknowledging that your emotions are valid and reasonable.

Take a moment to recognize your feelings before responding to team members' emotional struggles.

Example: During a high-pressure presentation, a team member raises an unexpected issue that catches you off guard, potentially triggering feelings of annoyance or frustration. Before responding, take a brief moment to collect your thoughts and emotions, and then calmly address the concern.

Ideas for Improvement

a. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, to enhance emotional self-regulation.

b. Seek feedback from peers or mentors on your emotional responses to challenging situations and use it to refine your approach.

Reflective Listening

Avoid falling into the trap of trying to "fix" team members' emotional issues. Instead, focus on being an empathetic listener by employing reflective listening techniques.

Paraphrase their words and emotions to show that you genuinely understand and care about what they are experiencing.

Example: A team member expresses their fears and doubts about an upcoming project. Instead of immediately offering solutions, reflect their emotions by saying, "It sounds like you're feeling uncertain about the project's success. Can you share more about your concerns?"

Ideas for Improvement

a. Take a course or workshop on active listening skills to enhance your ability to empathetically connect with others.

b. Create a feedback loop with your team, encouraging them to share how they feel heard and supported during emotional discussions.

Relating to Your Team Members, Peers, and Executives

Developing empathy is essential for understanding your team members' experiences. Practice "reverse empathy" by recalling moments when you faced similar challenges and emotions.

Drawing on your experiences can help you better relate to their struggles and identify their needs.

Example: A team member confides in you about a personal challenge. Share a relevant experience from your life to let them know you understand what they are going through and offer support.

Ideas for Improvement

a. Schedule regular one-on-one meetings with team members to build stronger relationships and understand their individual experiences.

b. Participate in team-building activities or off-site events that allow you to connect with your team members more personally.

Responsibly Managing Emotions in the Workplace

While you can influence the work environment, you cannot control your team members' emotions directly. Understand that your responsibility lies in responding to their feelings rather than trying to change how they feel.

Example: A team member becomes visibly upset after receiving critical feedback from a client.

Instead of downplaying their emotions, acknowledge their feelings and offer guidance on how to constructively use the feedback for improvement.

Ideas for Improvement

a. Invest in emotional intelligence training for yourself and your team to enhance emotional awareness and management skills.

b. Establish clear boundaries between your personal and professional life to prevent your own emotions from negatively impacting your leadership decisions.

Becoming a pro at managing other people's bad moods is a journey that requires self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication.?

Keep in mind?

• We can only be accountable for things that we have the power to control.?
• Emotions, being beyond our direct control, are not something we can be held responsible for—neither our own emotions nor the emotions of others.?
• However, we are responsible for our actions—how we choose to act and think.?
• When we try to take responsibility for things beyond our control, it can lead to unnecessary frustration, disappointment, and resentment.

By approaching emotional challenges with curiosity, validating your emotions, employing reflective listening, practicing reverse empathy, and understanding your leadership responsibilities, you can build a positive and supportive work culture that enhances team productivity and fosters long-lasting professional relationships.?

As a team memeber, team lead or executive mastering how you manage your emotions and the emotions of your team is a powerful tool for effective leadership and a positive work environment.