How Stress Leads to Resentment in Marriage

Life gets busy. Between work, finances, parenting, and health struggles, it’s easy for stress to take over—without us even realizing what it’s doing to our marriage.

The real danger? Not the stress itself, but how we handle it. When partners start turning away from each other instead of leaning in for support, resentment begins to grow. Over time, small frustrations turn into deep emotional distance.

Here are some of the most common ways that stress can break down your connection and lead to seeds of resentment growing in your marriage.

1. The Silent Stress That Builds Walls

• Life is full of unavoidable stressors—work demands, financial struggles, parenting challenges, and health concerns. These pressures can overwhelm both partners, leaving little emotional energy for the relationship.
• When stress is high, couples often shift into “survival mode,” prioritizing responsibilities over connection. The relationship takes a backseat, and emotional intimacy suffers.

2. Turning Away vs. Turning Toward

• When life feels overwhelming, partners have two choices: lean on each other or retreat into their own stress. Many couples unconsciously start turning away from each other—shutting down emotionally, withdrawing, or seeking comfort elsewhere (work, social media, friends).
• This creates a cycle:One partner withdraws due to stress.The other feels neglected, unimportant, or unsupported.Resentment starts to build because neither feels seen or understood.
• Over time, this can turn into a pattern where both partners feel alone within the marriage, even if they’re physically together.

3. Unequal Burdens and Unmet Expectations

• Finances, parenting, and health struggles often come with an expectation that both partners will contribute equally—but what happens when that doesn’t feel true?
• One partner may feel like they are carrying the majority of the burden (e.g., handling all the bills, managing most of the childcare, or taking care of an ill spouse or family member).
• If this effort goes unnoticed or unappreciated, resentment grows:“I do everything, and they don’t even notice.”“I’m exhausted, but they just expect me to keep going.”“I never get a break, but they always make time for themselves.”
• This dynamic creates emotional distance and leads to deeper frustration over time.

4. Communication Breakdown: When Stress Becomes a Barrier

• Under pressure, couples often stop communicating effectively. Conversations become transactional (focused on logistics rather than emotions), or worse, filled with blame and criticism.
• Instead of expressing, “I feel overwhelmed and could use more support,” it comes out as:“You never help with the kids.”“All you care about is work.”“I’m doing everything alone.”
• These statements trigger defensiveness rather than connection, pushing partners further apart.

5. The Role of Emotional and Physical Disconnection

• High stress can also lead to less quality time together, fewer intimate moments, and a lack of affection.
• When a partner feels unsupported emotionally, they may also pull away physically—leading to a breakdown in both emotional and physical intimacy.
• Over time, the relationship starts to feel more like a business partnership rather than a loving, connected marriage.

How to Prevent Resentment in the Midst of Life’s Pressures

? Acknowledge the stress together – Instead of suffering in silence, openly discuss how external pressures are affecting you both.

? Turn toward each other, not away – Even in the busiest seasons, small moments of connection (a hug, checking in, saying “thank you”) can keep the bond strong.

? Express appreciation – Feeling valued goes a long way in preventing resentment. Regularly acknowledge each other’s efforts.

? Ask for help before resentment builds – Instead of assuming your partner should know what you need, be clear about how they can support you.

? Make time for the relationship – Even if life is chaotic, prioritize moments of intimacy, laughter, and connection.

What is resonating the most for you? I would love to know.

Have a wonderful (and relaxing) weekend.

My best,

Dr. Chavonne

P.S. If life’s pressures have been weighing on your marriage, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

In my Marriage Fundamentals Masterclass on February 17th, I’ll be teaching the core skills every couple needs to communicate better, stay connected, and prevent resentment from taking hold. Don’t wait until small issues become big problems—join me and learn how to build a strong, thriving marriage. Learn more and sign up for this free masterclass here: https://drchavonne.com/fundamentals/