?? How to Strategically Choose Your People (Part 1) - Diamyn Hall

Welcome back to The Winners Formula! 5:55am keys to BE more, DO more, HAVE more, & GIVE more.

Have you ever wondered what the secret to a truly happy & fulfilling life is? Is it fame? Is it wealth? Is it success??Is it achievement?

If you have, then you and I are more alike than you may think.

Early in my career, I pondered these questions too.?

Luckily, at the time, one of my mentors gave me a wake up call.?

He paused...

Looked me in the eyes, &?in a calm, confident voice he said:?

?? “The Problem - You've been lied to your whole life...Are you a high achiever? Yes. BUT you’ve been socialized to believe you should strive to achieve your dreams, goals, and aspirations all alone. As a result, this is what leaves you feeling empty, lonely, & disconnected after you’ve achieved what you’ve set out to achieve. The deeper problem is you’ve been taught, trained, & educated to believe that “it’s lonely at the top”, or “leadership is lonely”, or “the path to success is lonely”, or you should to “DIY” (Do it Yourself), or "figure everything out for yourself" or you need to sacrifice relationships in order to succeed…bullshit! You’ve been fooled into believing these messages that society has shoved down your throat. And as a result, this belief system has caused you to fail to develop the skill of resourcefulness (the most valuable skill in the game of life & leadership)...

? The Possibility - Imagine achieving more than you ever thought possible with the right people in your corner. Listen, the path to success as a leader doesn't have to be lonely. You don’t have to “DIY” (Do it Yourself), instead you could “DIT” (Do it Together). You don’t have to “figure it out” alone. You don’t have to sacrifice relationships in order to be successful. In fact, I’ll have you consider the possibility that you can achieve significantly more with the right people in your corner than you ever could alone. That’s the way the game of life was meant to be played. But before I show you how to select the people in your corner, I first need to show you why people & relationships are invaluable to your success & happiness...”

In this article series, I’ll share with you ??:

1. A perspective shifting study on happiness & relationships (that totally changed my life a few years ago and will possibly change yours too)!
2. A set of powerful principles to live by in your relationships (to set you up for long-term success & happiness)!
3. A 4-pronged proven framework that I developed (so you can structure the relationships in life in the most fulfilling and beneficial way as a high achiever)!
4. A variety of practical keys to put into action (in order to amplify positive results inside of your world when it comes to the people you surround yourself with)!

?? THE PERSPECTIVE SHIFTING STUDY ??

Back to the story! After my mentor shared with me the problem and possibility, he sent me a TED Talk that totally changed my life and shifted the way I perceived relationships, success, & happiness. After watching it, I couldn't help but question whether I, like so many other leaders and high achievers, needed to change my habits and how I approached social connections in order to lead a more optimized life.

…It was Dr. Robert Waldinger's TED Talk, "What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness"

For context, Dr. Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist and the Director of The Harvard Study of Adult Development - a study that began in 1938 and is still ongoing today as one of the longest running studies of adult life ever conducted.?The study has followed over 700 men throughout their lives, tracking their health & well-being, relationships, and most importantly their happiness.?

After watching this TED Talk in 2018, and experiencing a few other life changing events, I was inspired to do a total belief system overhaul. This belief system overhaul lead to the birth of a strategic framework regarding relationships and social connections called "The 4 Circles" (which I’ll introduce to you at the bottom of this article).

But first,

I'd like to share with you 5 powerful principles I extracted from this life changing TED Talk...

?? THE 5 CORE RELATIONSHIP/SOCIAL CONNECTION PRINCIPLES ??

Principle 1 - Social connections are essential for our health, well-being, and longevity in the game of life. Especially as high achievers. Waldinger says that the happiest and healthiest people in the study are those with the strongest social connections.

• The research found that people with strong secure social connections were happier, healthier, and lived longer than those with weaker social ties. A study published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science found that social isolation is just as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Wild!

Principle 2 - Good relationships are not only good for our bodies, but also for our brains. Waldinger mentioned that people with strong social connections have better cognitive function as they age, and are less likely to develop dementia.

• The study found that people who had good relationships were more likely to experience positive emotions, such as joy and gratitude. They were also more likely to have a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives.

Principle 3 - The quality of our relationships are more important than the quantity. Waldinger says that it's not enough to simply have a lot of friends or acquaintances. What matters most is the quality of our relationships.

• The happiest people in the study are those who have close relationships with people who make them feel good about themselves. The study found that having a few close, supportive relationships is more important for our well-being than having a large number of acquaintances.

Principle 4 - The quality of our relationships, life satisfaction, and happiness is intergenerational. If you’re anything like me, sometimes you think about your great great grandchildren and then find yourself basing some of your current decisions on how to set them up for success (even though you’ll never get to meet them). A question I always ask myself is "What are the deep rooted habits that I can develop now that will set myself up for success as well as my great great great grandchildren?"

• Participants in the study who experienced more warmth and love in their relationships as children were more likely to have healthier and happier relationships in adulthood, thus extending the cycle of well-being across generations. This is the long-game that matters as a leader!

This research smacked me in the face like a ton of bricks...

It provided a powerful reminder that our relationships are the most important "thing" in the game of life.?Ultimately, when we invest in our relationships, we are investing in our own happiness, health, well-being, and longevity.

...Therefore,

Principle 5 - Be incredibly selective about who you share your time with. I briefly touched on this in 2018 during The Pursuit of Greatness Podcast with my good friend Stu Holt .

Obviously, this podcasts was 5 years ago, meaning I've developed a much broader perspective, deeper understanding, and more optimized set of beliefs & strategies around this topic of choosing who you spend your time with. BUT the basic principle & message is still relevant enough to share this podcast with you. ??

If you know me well, then you’ve heard me repeat the following sayings millions of times…

1. "You become the average of the 5 people you spend the most of your time with." - Jim Rohn
2. "The quality of your relationships will ultimately determine the quality of your life" - Esther Perel
3. "Surround yourself with those on the same mission as you." - Dan Pena
4. "Surround yourself with people who ONLY lift you higher." - Oprah Winfrey

It's our obligation to be ultra selective; we only get one life. You must choose your "circles of people" wisely.

What do I mean by this?

The simple answer is...

Steer clear of: The bitter, the envious, the jealous, the idea killers, the gossipers, the progress hinderers, the knowledge hoarders, the energy drainers, the naysayers. Remember the research behind emotional contagion!...you don’t want to “catch” whatever these groups of people have.

Instead...

Intentionally surround yourself with: The believers, the inspired, the passionate, the optimistic, the motivated, the driven, the innovators, the disciplined, the problem solvers, the enthusiastic, the givers, the knowledge sharers, the genuine supporters. Allow their radiance to strengthen your own.

"THE 4 CIRCLES" FRAMEWORK

????????

Essentially there are 4 main "circles" or groups of people who you should have in your life at all times (in order to BECOME who you were called to become, DO what you've been called to do, ACHIEVE everything you've been called to achieve, & GIVE everything you were called to give):

1. Your Board of Mentors & Directors: These are mentors, coaches, trusted advisors who are at a much higher level than you. Typically they are already where you want to be. Your board of mentors are highly experienced go-to people who offer you wise counsel, strategic direction, & advice for important choices & decisions. If you don't have any yet, I'll show you exactly where to find them.
2. Your Sparring Partners: These are professional peers who are on the same level as you or a tad bit higher/lower in your industry. Your sparring partners challenge you, push your boundaries, and help you strengthen your professional skill stack through healthy competition, constructive feedback, and collaborative innovation.
3. Your Inner Circle: These are those who love, support and believe in you unconditionally because of who you are, not what you do. Your inner circle typically consists of close family members, friends, significant other, etc who will always be there for you through thick and thin no matter what.
4. Your Tribe: These are people you lead, mentor, & guide. Your tribe can consists of clients, employees, mentees, students, your athletes, your social media followers, your children, etc. With this group, it's about leading by example - they watch everything you say & do. It’s about consistently sharing your wisdom, knowledge, and pouring into these individuals every chance you get - giving away all of your best stuff.

These hand selected groups of people are those committed to meaningful relationships that are built on the foundation of challenging you & supporting you to become the best version of yourself in every area of your life.

"Ultimately, the people you surround yourself with are your most critical sources of power. Choose wisely."

“Choose people who will mention your name in a room full of opportunities when you are not there!”

"Show me your people & I'll show you your future." - Dan Pena

?? NEXT STOP - During the rest of this series I'll dive into why each group is important, where to find them, & how to hand pick them to set your life up for true success and happiness.

?? REFLECT - Take a moment to reflect on the insights shared in this article.

?? COMMENT - Which of "The 4 Circles" do you want to hear about first?

1. Board of Directors?
2. Sparring Partners?
3. Your Inner Circle?
4. Your Tribe?

Until next time,

- Coach Diamyn ??