How to Stop Worrying
At this time of year when much is demanded of each of us and, business in the Southern Hemisphere at least, tends to slow down decreasing the cash flow, there is great opportunity to build anxiety, stress, sleepless nights and general worry.
I’ve covered a lot about the deep connotations of stress and how it affects all areas of your life. After the research I created processes to curb it and now I generally do pretty well at keeping my hair on in times of stress but sometimes I forget my own processes and give in to worry just like anyone else.
This following piece of a channelled conversation I was given a superb exercise you can use to curb worry and anxiety. I’ve used it for a couple of weeks now had excellent results. I've given some other examples of overpowering negative emotions you can address below the conversation transcript.
The longer version of the conversation is here if you want to understand it better.
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Part of Mercredan session
Channelled by Francis Evans
Interviewed by Annabelle Drumm
7 December 2015
BEGIN
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M: Every time One loses One’s direction, applying the laws will bring you back on track. So, shall we start with the Law of Magnetism because as you understand, every direction is set by the magnetic pulse. Even in the physical world, magnetism and polarity are always connected in such a fashion. Then, when One takes on a particular idea, shall we say that One is living with “worry” then what One has attracted is the idea of worrying. What One has rejected is the idea that One can be without such a fashion, that One is looked after, One is under a safe and secure position. Does that make sense.
A: Yes
M: So then let us say this. When One has attracted One side of the polarity, then it in itself occupies the inner realm. (You fill yourself with this emotion.) It’s opposite, it’s polarity occupies the rest of existence. One has separated self from other and that is always the problem. Integration, then, is the experiencing of both sides of the polarity.
A: At the same time?
M: At the same time. That elevates because both sides are equally accurate under the Law of Paradox and the Law of Paradox suggests that anything that is no longer paradoxical, One has attained the final unity.
A: I see.
M: So, then One might experience how it will be to be “calm”. How it is when One is not laying down the problems and One is not sitting One’s attractions in that order. Let us take this more personally. If One attracts the position that One is secure and safe and in physical and financial terms “wealthy” and One rejects the concept of worry, then One has still ejected part of the polarity.
A: Yes
M: One is not then unified and One will not, in fact, be free of that which you have rejected. In other words, One worries about worrying.
(This is also reminding me of embracing our darker side. If we determine to shut out a part of ourselves we are not unified. I’ve used this with my coaching clients to loosen things up to great affect before. So, let’s use that in the exercise below the conversation. Read on...)
A: Yes indeed. So may I try this?
Step One
M: Then let us say this. Feel what it feels like to be caught up in the Worry. One is acknowledging the worry and its consequences. There is no way out of the worry as it perceives.
A: ok
(At this point I give myself over to worry. I feel my vibe drop and a tight knot growing in the right side of my abdomen. Bring out all the stories of what awful things could happen in the future…)
Step Two
M: Then feel what it feels like to be completely free of any concerns whatsoever.
A: That would be dead. (laughs)
M: You understand, let us say “One is dead to the world but fully alive in the inner realms”. Do you follow?
A: Right
M: One is completely free of concern because all things will arrive at the appointed time.
A: OK to try and see what this feels like. I connected with the worry, no problem, so now I need to try and find connection with “calm” and …
M: You understand, you feel what it is like to be in charge. There is no worry any longer because you have a direction, you have an opportunity, you have the drive and you have the certainty.
A: Yes
M: And going back to the worry. Because until you can access both sides of this polarity equally and with deliberation. We are going deeper of course. So, One accesses the worry and now you are accessing the type of person that you are being while you are in the state of worry. This is the personality of the You that is "the Worrier".
A: The one I’m ready to ditch.
M: If you want to ditch it you will be stuck forever with it. Paradox overrides all things!!
A: Alright. So I need to accept that there is a worrier within me.
Overcoat personalities
M: That there is a Worrier personality. An overcoat in your locker room. You put it on and immediately you start looking for opportunities to worry. These are the worry opportunities and you are very good at picking those ones up and using and wearing them.
A: I know that I’m good at that. I can pick that up very quickly. I feel it coming on within seconds.
M: Mm and now taking off that personality, hanging it back in cupboard and taking on the “Calm collected and free from concern” personality. This is also just an identity.
A: OK. As we talk about that, the first thing I think of is feedback from others which makes me doubt that overcoat. That if I am calm and trusting and see that I am always looked after, um, even if I don’t actually see any physical feedback from others, the immediate thought that comes to mind is that other people will look at that and criticise it. (ie. away with the fairies in La-la land)
M: Of course and where is that energy coming from?
A: From me.
M: From which identity?
A: From the Worrier. (laughs)
M: Of course! Because the Worrier wants to be in charge.... So you feel what it feels like to be the Worrier. That isn’t the problem but feeling what it is to be like to be free of worry, to be calm, collected and without concern, not living in a fairy tale but realising that, in order to pick up on opportunity, One has to open the doorway to opportunity first of all. You have to be wary. You have to voice what it is that you are preparing yourself for. You have to put out enough magnetic particles for other things to be drawn to it...
M: And how can you collapse then if you refuse to engage in one side? (Idea here is to collapse the two polarities in order to be unified which will raise you above them.)
A: In one side? You mean I need to be in both sides?
M: Of course, you have to be on one side and then the other and then both at the same time.
A: Without one dominating the other.
M: Without one dominating, that is when One unifies and a new level of creativity and understanding emerges from it.
A: That’s quite an unusual thought. I’ve never thought of trying to unify the two together.
M: Because One has always thought in terms of “good” and “bad”.
A: Yeah, duality. Cancelling one out.
M: Of course. How can you possibly reject one side of a polar opposite? You cannot. And the paradox is that One tries to. So I am re-iterating my beginning statement. The Laws always point to the right direction. Magnetism - if One allows a magnet to swing freely, it will align itself with the lines of force.
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END
Click here to read the longer version of the conversation.
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Exercise in Collapsing the Polarity
Mercredan talked in this session about two overcoats you could put on and take off putting them back in the closet. That works well because of course, there are many personality traits you can wear so you might have a very large wardrobe with all possibilities. The traits/identity you are known by are the overcoats you wear most often. That means there are probably traits/coats sitting in that wardrobe you seldom bring out.
With my clients and with myself I’ve set the challenge of occasionally pulling out of the closet those lesser worn coats/traits, like an actor might wear them to match a different character. The results, if the client is bold enough to try them, often creates a big positive result. You suddenly realise you have so many other coats you can wear. Your wardrobe is a lot more flexible than you realised and you can wear whatever coat brings the most benefit to the situation.
It also keeps other people on their toes. When you are less predictable, others cannot assume to know how you will behave or react which would make you easy to manipulate and so more respect is given. They don’t feel so free to push you around, be it a boss or a child.
So this is what I did during the week to put the learning into practice.
You can just focus on one pairing and keep working on it until you feel you can manage both polarities at the same time. Once you’ve achieved that you can look for other pairings to match other dominant traits.
Step One
Find a dominant personality trait you find yourself wearing frequently. Test it and pull yourself back out of it. Don’t sink into it too deeply or it is more difficult to remove the overcoat during the exercise. Write down a few phrases that play out in your head when you are in this personality trait.
Step Two
What is the exact opposite of this trait? If you are not familiar with wearing this coat you may need to sit in it a lot longer in order to fully experience it. After that you'll be able to acknowledge both and switch between them at will. Write down some new phrases that match this trait.
In my first attempt at doing this, I chose what we spoke about above. “Worry” was an easy one right now so I wrote down some ideas and sunk into it very easily. Just as in the session, my vibe dropped dramatically. I felt heavy, closed and a knotted feeling started to grow in the right side of my abdomen. I decided, rather than see these as two of many overcoats, I’d prefer to keep it simple and just manage the two polar opposites. As the knot was in my right side I would turn my focus to the left side of my body for the opposite.
Then, as I wrote down some ideas for the “Calm” personality. Even as I wrote them, the right side of “Worry” started to shout over the top like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Rather than slap it down and telling it to shut up, I turned and said “Yep, I see you Worry. You are a part of this. It’s ok.” then turned back to “Calm” and continued with the new phrases. I did this a few times and, like a two year old, once it was acknowledged, it did actually settle down and I was able to sink myself into “Calm” in a more fulfilling way. Fascinating stuff!
The more I practiced, the more flexible I could play, sinking myself deeper into “Worry” and really feeling the drama of it, then being able to lift myself out of it and sink myself in a deeper version of “Calm”.
This felt like much more control over how I felt and my increased skill meant that later in the week I could quickly lift myself out of any drama back to neutral, then over to the opposite to raise my vibe and open to the possibilities.
Freedom!
Examples of Polar Opposites
Here’s some common polar opposite examples and phrases to stir your own thoughts.
Pairing 1 - Worry vs. Calm
Worry - The future will be worse than where I am now. I can’t see the way out. I am stuck. Everything is going to go pear-shaped. No one can help me. Luck is not on my side. I am doomed. I’m going to be hated, looked down upon, homeless, starving and everyone will laugh at me. I feel lost and on my own. No one is on my side. Unstable. Embarrassed. One day soon I’m going to fall off the cliff.
Calm - I am cared for by a force much larger than myself. I am sheltered. No matter how many opportunities I turn away from I am offered more and more. I am loved. When I open my eyes and ears I notice help and support all around me. I don’t need to see the path ahead for I am guided. I trust. Like walking along a narrow path on a cliff edge, when I am calm I feel the nudge back onto the path and am always safe. Everything right now is fine. I am grateful for the journey. This hard bit is a result of wearing my “Worry” too often in the past and as I wear “Calm” I know life gets easier by the second.
Pairing 2 - Victim vs. Conquerer
Victim - It’s beyond my control. I am pushed around and stood on. I have no power. The forces are too much for me to fight. The demands on me are too great. Everyone around me takes advantage of me. I get nothing back for all that I give. I am not valued at home, at work or anywhere. It is abuse and I don’t know how to stop it. I guess this is just my lot.
Conquerer/Creator - I choose to stand up and feel my feet firmly on the ground. I draw on the larger energy that surrounds me. This is my choice and no one else’s. I find value in myself. I know my strengths. I am learning each day what gifts I have that are most valuable to those I live with, to those around me and the world at large. The more I notice these gifts, the more the others notice them and point them out. I choose to set boundaries on what I am prepared to give. When it feels good to give I do so with great generosity for giving is a gift in itself. When giving does not feel good, I say ‘no’ in a gentle and firm way. I insist (not demand, for there is no fight here) on my boundaries being respected for I respect myself. I create my life from here forward. The rudder on my boat is deep and I choose the direction. When I am living a life that is most loving and joyous, all is well and the rest of the world benefits.
Pairing 3 - Doubt vs. Confidence
Doubt - I constantly screw up and make bad decisions. Just stupid sometimes. I struggle to keep on track even when I’ve chosen a direction. What if I made the wrong step? What would happen? How much time am I wasting trying things that are doomed to be unsuccessful? To double my damnation I know that this doubt is making my life a living hell. I know that when I doubt myself, the vibe leaks out into the world causing everyone else to doubt me too. I can see it on their faces and watch how they close the door in my face in fear and suspicion. My integrity is screwed because I cannot honestly say I know what I’m talking about or that I have anything of worth to offer when I try to sell myself to others. The only thing I am sure of is my Doubt.
Confidence - I know who I am. I am an explorer. I am a student. There is always more to learn so I know that trying things, sometimes screwing up, sometimes succeeding is all I’m really here to do. I am also confident in the fact that every other person on the planet is here for the same reason. No matter how confident they appear to be, even puffed up with their own knowledge base or skills or ego, they are all just students like me. There is no one currently on the planet who knows it all. Anyone who tells me the opposite is fooling themselves. The best thing I can do, like any artist or explorer, is to listen inside for inspiration, then boldly take a step in the direction that feels most right. For in truth, there is no wrong direction. We live on a spherical planet. There literally is no wrong direction! Moving while tuning to my gut instinct and following the heart is the best thing I can do. I am not an expert today but I am better at it than I was yesterday and that is all I can expect of myself. The more I move, the more I learn and enjoying the journey means appreciating the beauty of the place and people I come across on the journey as well as having lively entertaining stories of the times I really messed up and how I got out of it again. That’s the adventure of life!
Pairing 4 - Giving in to the dark side!
Goodie two shoes - I was brought up to follow the rules. I am good! I park in the right spots. I keep my house clean. I am pleasant with everyone. I send a thank you note after a dinner invite. I am kind and loving. I am professional. I hide my emotions behind a smile like everything is ok, just to keep the peace. Yet I am overlooked. Life can be rather beige. I long for some colour. I like to be in control of my affairs and my emotions. This is good. Predictable, solid and dependable is what I am meant to be. It is not acceptable to be anything else or others will disapprove of me.
Rebel - I know the truth. Learning the rules is one thing but no one stands out in this world unless they know when to break the rules. Who says I have to be good all the time? I bet they don't have any fun. What if what I want is the opposite? What if I’ve fallen in love with the wrong person? What if I feel like wearing sequins and fishnets during the day? What if cleaning my house becomes last on my priority list because life is too full of fantastic opportunities? What if I don’t care what other people think of me? Today I am going to do what I want. I can dance in the rain. I feel fine about not giving to the charity that knocks on my door. I give no excuse. They cannot argue with me if I say I’ve DECIDED not to give. Today I am going to point out to that person who is always rude to me that they must be truly unhappy and need to work on themselves. Stuff them! No one is telling them and it’s about time they knew. Today I please myself and the disapproval of others shows how little freedom they give themselves.
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So, a long post, I know. There’s some examples. Send me your example pairings below to inspire others. Find one pairing you want to master and practice it over a week or two switching between the two until you can literally feel you can hold the two personality traits/overcoats at the same time. It’s an amazing feeling!
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