How to Stop Self Sabotaging

Self-sabotage is something we can see in other people, or perhaps in characters in movies or shows. It is often difficult to see in ourselves since self-sabotage can be quite subtle, but it is very common.

Self-sabotage is a coping mechanism used to address an unmet need or emotion. It shields you and alleviates the pain caused by neglect.

However, self-sabotage, like all coping mechanisms, only delivers brief respite. It does not completely meet your wants.

You can self-sabotage in a variety of ways.

Perfectionism prevents failure by destroying your attempts to do new things since you can't take doing them imperfectly, so you don't do them at all.

Or constantly moving, which keeps you from confronting your real problems by redirecting your attention to the next relationship, job, home, or whatever another new endeavor you've just begun.

Or pride, which shields you from judgment by keeping you in relationships that no longer function, such as refusing to end a failed marriage because you're afraid of what people will think of your divorce.

There are various indicators that you are in a downward spiral of self-sabotage.

It's not easy to get out of the spiral.

The first step is to recognize your self-sabotaging behaviors for what they are: temporary coping mechanisms that make you feel good but actually hold you back.

Make a note of all your difficulties to assist you understand your own coping mechanisms and see them for what they are: saboteurs.

Make a list of all of them. Be specific, clear, and truthful. Admit what is truly wrong, and then pledge yourself that you will no longer accept it.

Once you've discovered your self-destructive behaviors, you can learn what they really say about you. Learning the painful truths of harmful behaviors can help you discover your true needs.

Take, for example, overworking. Yes, you can be passionate about your job, but sacrificing the rest of your life to work is unhealthy.

If you're doing this, it could suggest you're uncomfortable with your own emotions or perhaps suffering from anxiety or trauma. Instead of working another late night, be honest about what you're hiding and deal with it.

If you are extremely preoccupied with the opinions of others, you may not be as happy as you believe. You wouldn't need approval from others if you were truly satisfied with yourself, your family, your house, your work, or anything else.

However, if you find yourself wanting outside approval in any of those areas, it's your subconscious mind alerting you that you need to work on that aspect of your life.

Remember that these self-destructive behaviors are hidden.

They hide themselves by providing you with instant gratification or a false sense of security.

They're also difficult to locate because the voice inside your head that recognizes them is actually quite quiet.

It speaks in a quiet tone that can be difficult to hear if you are not paying great attention.

But, without a doubt, everyone carries that voice within them. You can identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and learn from them if you're willing to be entirely honest with yourself.