How to Stop Self-Sabotage

So today I want to talk about how to stop self-sabotage. I want you to think about a moment in your life when you were going for something you truly wanted. You were passionate about it and your heart burned for the outcome.

We could call that outcome an end result or, a vision. We could call it a goal, a target... take your pick! It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you were going for something you really wanted. Then, as you started moving towards it, you felt all this resistance come up in your body. You started to get distracted, other things might become more important, or maybe, for some odd reason that you can’t logically explain, you find yourself kind of moving further away from the goal and retreating back because it felt better to do that. It’s almost like, when it actually comes to the rubber meets the road, you find a way to not succeed, to blame the course, rebel or blame the person you hired, or do something to completely sabotage your journey. And because it feels good to you, you end up reverting back, and then you just keep watching more videos, you keep reading more books, you keep doing all these things right, and you never really get anywhere.

And then five years go by, and you wonder why you’re not any further ahead. Can you picture this in any area of your life right now? If you can, then I can guarantee that you’re doing it because you’re actually stuck in one of the big structures that humanity struggles with…. It’s called the problem-solving structure. And it’s an internal, psychological, and emotional tension that pulls on your psyche and sabotages you and stops you from going for what you really want.

Let me explain how it works… It’s a mechanism that your ego uses to keep you safe. New stuff to the brain is exciting… and that’s why we get germination energy. We’re like, “Oh, my God, that sounds amazing” and consciousness is pumped up! We can see the possibilities and we want to jump right in!

But then you’ve got your unconscious… And your unconscious doesn’t want to change because it doesn’t know if it is safe to do so… or if it will actually survive the change. And the focus of your unconscious is to keep you safe and alive, and so when you actually choose to step out and change, your unconscious causes tension that pulls you back to where you started. It’s literally a structure that most people live in.

Does this sound familiar? If it does… then I have some bad news for you…

If you don’t change it, then you’re just going to keep perpetuating the same patterns over and over again. And then you get to the end of your life, and you wonder why you just kept playing out the same stuff, over and over again. And I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to experience that regret.

You need to stop being a victim to your own emotional tension, rise above it, focus on what you want, and take some sort of action towards where you’re going, generate energy, generate focus, generate motivation, and generate movement toward where you’re going.

Just stop it.

Because it’s not serving you. It’s not serving your future. It’s not serving your family. It’s not serving your kids (if you have them). It’s not serving your vision. It’s not serving your bank account. It’s not serving anything in your life.

So people get stuck in these patterns, right? Patterns of behavior, like someone who dabbles, for example.

So someone is dabbling. They’ve got many things going on and they’ve got the job and they’ve got another hobby going on… they’ve got their fingers in MANY pies but they’re not really doing anything. They’re not really focused. It looks like they’re busy, but they’re not. Does this sound like you? Can you identify with being a dabbler if you’re being honest with yourself?

The next pattern I see is the overthinker. So you will literally just be in your head and you’re overthinking absolutely everything and everything will have to kind of be perfect before you move.

Or there’s the “if this happens, then I’ll take action.” So it’s like, “Well, I’m going to wait on this perfect set event to happen, then I’ll take action.” You know what? You might end up waiting for forever. That alignment of the planets may never actually happen. How many times have waited for a perfect moment as a sign that you should do something and it never came?How is that working out for you? And I’m saying this from a place of love... But stop it. I’ll say it again. Just stop it. Stop waiting and just do it.

The last pattern I see is people holding on to the past. So because <insert event here> happened in the past, they can’t move forward into the future. For example, you got let down by a person, so you can’t trust anyone anymore. Or your previous partner was a narcissist or your previous partner was this or your previous partner was that… So I’m not really wanting to be in the dating game anymore… I don’t want to meet anyone new. Or, I just got scammed in this thing here, so I’m not going to do that because everyone must be a scam artist.

So which pattern do you feel is you? Let me be honest with you though, NONE of these patterns are serving you.

You know what? You aren’t alone in this though, because if I’m left to my own devices, I can be all of them. But I know how to manage my mind and I know how to stay on top of my emotions. I know how to focus my mind, and when I’m in emotional tension, I know how to stay in the end result, I have the courage to take the action needed and just go for it.

And that’s why I am where I am today and that’s why I’m going where I’m going. And it’s such a beautiful skill to have.

To move through it though, you need to create some self-awareness. You need to teach yourself to recognise when you’re moving away from your desired end result. If you don’t notice that you’re doing it, it has power over you. If you can’t separate yourself from the pattern and it has power over you. If you can’t correct your direction away from your self-sabotaging patterns, it has the power over you.

But if you’re able to recognise it, then you have the power to change. You have the power to just say, “Oh, that’s me being a dabbler again”, and then you detach from it, compartmentalize it, refocus, and then keep moving forward. It’s very important for our brain to detach from it.

When you recognise your pattern of ‘self-destruction,’ you then stop. Just stop. And stopping will literally change your state. It’ll allow you to take the power back. And then ask yourself this question… What would the person I’m becoming do right now? What would that guy do? What would that girl do? What would that woman do? What would that man do? What would they do? Then close your eyes, and get the answer and when you get the answer, have the courage to follow what your intuition told you

My recommendation is for you to create a support circle around you that believes in you and your future. Find a tribe that’s on the same mission as you. Because if you don’t surround yourself with this support, you’ll find yourself around people who’ll just drag you back into your dysfunction. Live your journey in the right environment. An environment that helps you to grow and become the person you want to become.

So let me repeat the five steps to stopping self-sabotage…

1. You first have to have self-awareness and notice your pattern.
2. Then you’ve got to change your state by saying, stop.
3. Ask yourself the question, What would a person I becoming do right now?
4. And then have the courage to follow the action. Do it. And it could be a masculine action, which is to do a specific action, or it could be a feminine action, which is just to do nothing at the moment and don’t resolve the tension. Just sit with it, do nothing.
5. And then step five, make sure you’ve got the support to grow.

If you do these five steps, I promise you, you’ll stop self-sabotage. Because you’ll have the power to create the right environment, with the right people around you, and you’ll have the courage to take the steps you need to take to create what you truly desire.

Hope this is helpful.

Big love,

Scott

P.S — You can check out the YouTube video to this blog?HERE