How to stop self-judgement

In my late 20s - early 30s I was extremely hard on myself and full of #selfjudgement – to the point where it would sometimes stop me from seeing my friends. I was very overweight which led to a lot of #insecurities . Whenever I went out, my inner voice would start telling me that I looked fat, people would not want to speak to me because of the way I look and that my clothes are like big sacks to hide my never-ending curves! To add fuel to the fire, I actually started to believe my inner voice – that I was just ‘no good’!

20 years on, and here’s what I believe. I think that stopping self-judgement totally is nearly impossible because it is part of being #human and you can’t possibly stop an occasional negative from crossing your mind, just like you can’t suddenly stop thinking. It’s not about trying to stop judgment from happening; it’s about recognizing when it does happen, and letting it go without attaching any guilt to it.

If I had to give my – twenty something year old some advice, this is what I would say:

1. You’re human and unique...embrace this! Nobody is perfect. No one. Stop beating yourself up about the way you look.
2. Judgment eats away at you. Most people think that judging themselves and judging others is two different things which is not correct. The problem is that self-judgment has a way of impacting our lives in ways we’re often completely unaware.
3. Be alert and awake. Self-judgment is a slippery monster because it often goes unnoticed.?This means we can develop habits as a result and become totally unaware when we start to self-judge. We need to be alert and awake so when we know this happens, we can shut it out.
4. Reframe it. 20 years ago, I had a complete ‘maniac' voice on the inside that reminded me of all the things I couldn’t stand about myself.?This was where all the doubt and fear came from and to make things worse. I have created this maniac voice! So, if I created it, I could recreate it to be kinder and less harsh!
5. Listen to you and only to you! Of course, I was also surrounded by some pretty judgmental people too who were very quick to tell me “You know you’d look so much better if you lost weight” or “If only you weren’t so heavy!” At the end of the day, the only voice that matters, that truly makes a difference, is mine and I need to practice self-acceptance.
6. Be patient and cheer yourself on. Change doesn’t happen overnight so be patient with yourself and remember in the process you certainly don’t need an enemy living inside us, reminding us of all the things we need to improve, especially when times are tough.?At the end of the day, all good things take time and nobody is perfect.

My final words: love yourself unconditionally.?When we Love ourselves unconditionally, there’s no room left for judgment, only patience and loving awareness.?Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs our habits, and our habits our actions. If we were to treat the people we love the way we sometimes treat ourselves, it would not be tolerated.