How to stop over apologising at work

A client of mine had a habit of over apologising, as he was raised to always be the bigger person, which meant being willing to say sorry first and often.

When he started his career, these values from his upbringing made their way into his work habits.

At some point in my life, I too was someone who over apologised, and everyone silently accepted my apologies. No one told me it wasn’t necessary until one day when a CEO and mentor of mine finally pointed out my tendency to over apologise for matters entirely out of my control. He noted that I apologised far more than my colleagues and how detrimental this was to my work and growth.

There are many times when apologising is the right thing to do, but there are also times when saying sorry isn't really helping you.

For example, saying "Sorry, I can't meet on Monday," or "Sorry, I won't be able to send you the report by Thursday," or "Sorry, the printer is broken," or "Sorry, the constructive criticism upset you."

Over apologising often stems from guilt, people-pleasing, or low self-esteem, and it could really be hurting your professional image. Regardless of how hard you work or how much effort you put in, this one habit can damage your professional image.

If you didn’t do anything wrong, things are out of your control, and you’re not at fault, you need to stop saying sorry.

Instead of saying "Sorry to bother you," you could say, "I had questions about this project. Is this a good time to talk?" Or rather than saying, "I'm sorry to interrupt," you could say, "I'd like to weigh in here and add something." Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I'm asking you to do this last minute," you could say, "Thank you for bearing with me on such a tight deadline."

It takes practice and dedication to remove "sorry" as a filler word from your everyday vocabulary. The more aware you are of your speech, the more in control you will be. I encourage you to reflect on the number of times you say "sorry" and see how you can replace it with better alternatives and by understanding the feelings of the person you are speaking with.

Your Good Friend and Mentor

Payal Nanjiani