Introduction
One of the biggest challenges I see in organizations is that feeling of “déjà vu” in conversations—when the same topic circles back again and again without resolution. As a leader, I’ve learned that if someone passionately repeats the same point three times or more, there’s something deeper brewing beneath their words. I must pause, dig in, and find out what’s really going on. It might be a personal context shift, a hidden worry, or a deep-seated need that’s not being addressed. Taking a moment to see and hear is often the key to moving forward—honestly and collaboratively.?
José’s Story: Repeating Circles in Meetings
José, one of our project managers, was running weekly updates with his cross-functional team—Marketing, Finance, Product. Each week, he found himself re-hashing the same roadblocks: budget, timeline, and features. Despite an hour of discussion, they always left feeling like they’d gotten nowhere.
- Spotting the Repetition: José's boss had taught him to notice that when one team member repeated the same concern at least three times because it signaled deeper frustration—maybe fear of missing a deadline or worry about resource constraints.
- No Clear Next Steps: Everyone was talking, but no one was truly hearing.
- Pause and Connect: José started asking direct questions, especially when he heard the same points repeated: “I hear you, Seema. What’s going on behind that concern?”
- Assign Clear Ownership: He set specific guardrails—deadlines and responsibilities—for each department to bring data or decide by the next meeting.
- Offer Side Conversations: José also made time to speak one-on-one with his team members who felt overlooked, ensuring he got to the heart of their worries.
By recognizing the emotional and contextual factors behind repeated concerns, José’s team felt genuinely heard. They moved from rehashing old points to making real decisions that served both the project’s goals and each person’s context.
Amber’s Story: Repeating Circles in Meetings
Amber is a Director overseeing a major strategic pivot in the organization—she’s responsible for reallocating resources among several competing projects. Over the past few months, she noticed her weekly leadership sync meetings kept landing on the same issues: how to split staff resources, who deserves priority, and which timelines can be trimmed. Despite lengthy discussions, no one was moving forward.
- Déjà Vu… Caused by Amber: After a few of these unproductive meetings, Amber started noticing the team’s body language—rolled eyes, sighs, and uneasy glances. Her fellow leaders kept saying, “We already covered that,” or “Didn’t we decide this last time?”
- Feedback from a Peer: A trusted colleague pulled her aside and gently pointed out that she was the one repeatedly re-opening discussions, as though searching for a different outcome. Amber at first felt shame and embarrassment but quickly realized the truth and gift she’d been given by her colleague.
- Underlying Fear: Amber realized she was wrestling with a deep concern about “getting it wrong.” She worried that if she allocated resources incorrectly, the blame would rest on her shoulders. This anxiety made her question every decision—thus sending the meetings in circles.
- Owning Up: In the next sync, Amber openly admitted, “I realize I’ve been second-guessing our decisions. Let’s talk about what’s driving my hesitation.”
- Establish Clear Criteria: She and the team worked together to define a clear decision framework tied to critical business goals and metrics—so resource allocation was less about Amber’s personal fears and more about objective measures.
- Request Support: Amber asked a couple of trusted peers to speak up if they noticed her backtracking again—an informal “accountability buddy” system.
- Set Time-Boxed Checkpoints: Rather than re-hashing every detail each week, Amber instituted monthly checkpoints for reviewing resource allocations, which gave her structured opportunities to reassess without derailing progress day-to-day.
- By recognizing she was the source of the circular talk and tackling the anxiety fueling it, Amber was able to break free from the loop. Her honesty built trust with the team (they appreciated that she owned her part in the problem), and the new guardrails ensured decisions moved forward. As a result, morale improved, and the organization saw quicker progress on critical initiatives.
Harold's Story: A slippery and circular path
Rather than hiring an internal dev team, the company chose to build its next-gen app on top of a vendor’s technology platform. On paper, this partnership seemed perfect: the vendor’s platform could be tailored to our needs, then we’d layer our unique features on top.
- Trust vs. Specifics: Each time Harold, the Product Manager and vendor agreed on a contractual detail, the vendor would circle back days later, insisting on vague language or asking to “move forward on trust.”
- Multiple Revisions, Same Outcome: It became a carousel of rephrasing and re-negotiating the same clauses—even renegotiating how they would negotiate.
- Underlying Fear: Through discussions, Harold revealed that the vendor worried about long-term scope creep and staffing constraints. Yet despite Harold’s efforts, the vendor wouldn’t commit to a final, clearly defined agreement.
Breaking the Cycle - or trying to
- Name the Pattern: Harold calmly noted: “We seem to keep revisiting these same points. Is there a different underlying concern?”
- Explore Context: They learned the vendor had limited resources and a habit of under-specifying details to avoid accountability for future requests.
- Propose Guardrails: Harold offered a contract with flexible “expansion clauses” so new features could be added without rewriting the entire agreement.
- Reality Check: Even with these concessions, the vendor consistently shifted the goalposts—revisiting settled terms, wanting new negotiation structures, and maintaining vague language. Essentially, they never truly reached a conclusion.
In an ideal world, listening deeply and proposing practical guardrails solves the issue. But sometimes, despite a leader’s best efforts, the other party isn’t ready or willing to converge on specifics. Ultimately, Harold had to escalate internally, considering alternative vendors or even bringing development in-house. This scenario reminds us that collaboration thrives on mutual commitment—and if one side can’t commit, you must protect the organization and its customers.
Common Reasons for Circular Loops
- Underlying Emotions and Context: People often repeat themselves when they don’t feel heard or when their underlying concerns aren’t fully addressed.
- Ambiguous Goals or Lack of Guardrails: Without a shared definition of success or boundaries to guide the conversation, people naturally revert to safe talking points.
- Fear of Blame or Failure: If people worry about making the “wrong” decision or being unable to do what they said they would, they’ll stall in a loop to avoid risk.
- Missing or Unempowered Stakeholders: Key folks who can green-light decisions might not be in the room—or are uncertain they have that authority.
How to Recognize the Loop Early
- Repeated Points: Hearing the same concern three times with emotional energy behind it is a telltale sign something deeper needs attention.
- Emotional Undercurrent: Tension or frustration grows, but conversations don’t advance.
- No Concrete “Next Steps”: Meetings end with vague promises or “Let’s revisit next time.”
- Persistent Déjà Vu: The same items keep appearing on the agenda with no change.
Strategies to Break the Cycle
- Name It: Call out the pattern tactfully. “I notice we keep coming back to this—what’s really going on here?”
- Curiosity & Listening: Invite context. Ask, “Why is this so important to you?” or “What are you worried might happen?”
- Set Clear Decision Criteria & Guardrails: Define exactly what’s needed to finalize an issue—data, stakeholder sign-off, or a specific timeline.
- Supportive Side Conversations: Take a moment outside the main meeting to connect on a personal level, letting people share their concerns more openly.
- Offer Structured Choices: Present a small set of feasible options rather than an open-ended discussion.
- Tie Back to the Bigger Picture: Remind everyone of the shared goal—serving the customer, supporting the team, and upholding your responsibilities.
- Be Prepared to Pivot: If the other party (or you) remains non-committal, consider alternatives or escalate. Sometimes, the resolution is realizing you can’t reach one under current conditions.
Why It's Crucial to Break the Loop
- Productivity & Resource Management: Endless discussions burn energy and stall innovation.
- Team Morale: Circular talk leads to frustration and, eventually disengagement.
- Human-Centered Collaboration: When people feel genuinely heard, trust flourishes—and so does creativity.
- Customer & Ecosystem Focus: The faster and more effectively we decide, the better we serve our customers and our larger business ecosystem.
- Personal Growth for Leaders: Recognizing when you’re the source of the loop can transform your leadership style, building deeper trust and accountability.
Conclusion
Circular discussions can feel like an inescapable merry-go-round, but the truth is, you have the power to pause the ride, step off, and find out what’s really happening beneath the surface. By listening—truly listening—to repeated concerns and understanding each person’s evolving context (including your own anxieties), you build trust. And with that trust, you can usually create guardrails that enable meaningful collaboration, keep everyone focused on the customer, and foster innovation serving the entire ecosystem.
Yet sometimes, despite every effort to clarify and compromise, a partner (or even you) may repeatedly move the goalposts. In those moments, it’s important to remain human-centered but also protect your organization and its customers—whether that means exploring a different approach, escalating issues, or, if need be, choosing to walk away.
Call to Action: Next time you’re in a loop, ask, “Could I be causing this?” If so, step back and pinpoint the fear or context driving you. The ability to reflect and adapt in real-time is what turns a good leader into a truly transformational one.
