How to Stop Doubting Yourself: The REAL Method

Breaking the cycle of self doubt: The REAL-Approach

How familiar are you with the term "gas lighting"? Its a term often bandied about today, but what is it and how do we do it to ourselves?

Gaslighting comes from the name of a 1944 movie called "Gaslight," a classic film noir. It's often referenced in discussions about manipulation and psychological control because it illustrates how manipulation can distort one's reality. (It's available on YouTube, so you can watch it there.)

So what exactly is gaslighting, where someone manipulates another into questioning their reality? The big question is, how do we do it to ourselves, and what can we do to break this incidious cycle?

Self-gaslighting can be subtle, ingrained in our thought patterns, and it leads to self-doubt and a diminished sense of self. To break this cycle, we need a practical approach to self-reflection. Enter the REAL method.

The REAL method is a simple yet powerful framework for helping individuals, both children and adults, manage negative self-talk and develop a more positive mindset. REAL stands for:

R: Recognize

Start by recognizing your thoughts and feelings. When you catch yourself in a cycle of self-doubt or criticism, pause. Whose voice is this? Is it truly yours, or have you internalized it from someone else? This step is about acknowledging the narrative running through your mind.

E: Evidence

Once you've identified the thought, gather evidence for and against it. What facts support or contradict your belief? For instance, if you think, "I always mess up," list occasions where you've succeeded. This step encourages a balanced perspective, helping you see beyond the negative bias.

A: Adjust

If the thought isn’t constructive, adjust it. Reframe the thought to be more compassionate and realistic. For example, change "I always mess up" to "I've made mistakes, but I've also learned and succeeded." This step is about creating a supportive inner dialogue.

L: Learn

Finally, learn from this process. Each time you go through these steps, you gain insights into your patterns and behaviors. Use these insights to inform your future actions and responses, gradually breaking the cycle of self-gaslighting.

By keeping it REAL, you empower yourself with a simple, actionable framework for self-reflection. It’s not about dismissing reality, but rather about fostering a healthier, more constructive inner dialogue.

In summary, the REAL method helps individuals shift from negative thinking to self-compassion by breaking down harmful thoughts and replacing them with more supportive, evidence-based beliefs. It is a tool for emotional resilience, empowering individuals to navigate self-doubt and build inner strength.

#MindsetShift #PositiveThinking #SelfGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #Resilience #LeadershipDevelopment #InnerStrength