How to Stop Doubting Yourself?

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

― Suzy Kassem

So many of us around the world suffer from a silent illness, one which we can’t see, hear or feel. But it is a condition that can do more harm than any other disease could. This condition is called self-doubt. 

Even as I write this, there are many doubts wracking me, telling me that I may not be good enough to write this article. Maybe, as you read this, you too have doubts plaguing your waking and dreaming hours. 

Self-doubt can be a very debilitating feeling. It leads us to really believe in the worst of ourselves. Doubt prevents us from focusing our energies on our life’s purpose and stops us from leading a fulfilled life.

Why do we doubt ourselves? 

Self-doubt doesn’t have just one cause, but many. We tend to doubt ourselves because: 

• We compare ourselves and our lives with that of others. 
• We remain fixated on the consequence of an event that was beyond our control. 
• We were brought up amongst family and friends who constantly disparage us. 
• We were raised in a family where there was an unhealthy overdependence on parents. 
• We genuinely feel that we do not deserve any happiness or success. 
• We are unable to move beyond our past mistakes and constantly feel guilty about them. 
• We feel afraid and uncertain when we face challenges we have not encountered before. 
• We are too critical of our knowledge and expertise and use “Bad Cop” techniques to motivate ourselves. 

How self-doubt affects you and your relationships 

When we doubt ourselves, it affects multiple areas of our lives. 

• Self-doubt and your personal life 

For one, self-doubt affects your mental health. Low self-esteem can make you feel very anxious during every social encounter you engage in. You constantly start to second-guess yourself and may even get anxious about what other people think of you and your opinions. In order to make up for this, you may even choose to defer decisions to others, which can be particularly dangerous to your wellbeing if you’re not in sound company. 

Many times, self-doubt makes us become very harsh about ourselves. In extreme cases, this tendency to constantly berate ourselves may lead us to experience depressive tendencies. 

• Self-doubt and other areas of your life

The effects of doubting yourself are seldom restricted to you alone. Self-doubt and low self-esteem also affect your ability to maintain relationships, succeed in your career and engage in personal growth. 

• Relationships 

In the case of relationships, self-doubt may make you very co-dependent on your parents, siblings or partner. You may even (without consciously knowing it yourself) give your family complete agency over you and your life decisions. This can be highly-destructive to your life. 

Self-doubt may also prompt you to dissect every conversation and interaction you’ve had with your partner or friend, increasing your anxiety and putting undue strain on your relationship. Finally, self-doubt may also prevent you from moving forward in your relationship. You may end up becoming your own worst enemy, blocking any progress in your relationships, because you feel you don’t deserve your partner/family’s love. 

• Career

Self-doubt is one of the biggest hurdles to creativity. When you begin to doubt yourself, you always perceive any idea you come up with as poor or impractical or just not worth the effort. Even if others don’t discount your idea, you do so yourself. When this happens, you may also choose not to engage yourself in activities that can help you with professional development, leaving you stagnant in your career. 

Additionally, self-doubt increases your tendency to hesitate about every single step you take, ultimately developing a debilitating habit of procrastination. You may deliberately not take up any career opportunities such as relocations or promotions because you’re unsure if you will succeed in your new role. By the time you do decide to try, it may be too late. 

Finally, self-doubt increases our tendency to feel enormous self-pity. If you were to receive a poor performance review, you may choose to focus on only your feelings of self-pity instead of trying to course-correct. This can push you further down in performance and pose a risk of losing your job.

• Personal growth 

Self-pity that comes from doubting ourselves often prevents us from doing anything that can help us become better versions of ourselves. Our tendency to not think independently and rely on others’ opinions may also blind us to our issues, enabling these problems to grow. 

Additionally, the constant anxiety about the future or the potential result of any decision we take can even prevent us from doing something that may actually be good for us. This stifles our personal growth and prevents us from leading a fulfilled life. 

The only way to overcome self-doubt and stop it from affecting your life is to address it head-on. 

“I seek strength, not to be greater than others, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself.”

― P.C. Cast

1. Accept self-doubt and acknowledge it 

One of the main reasons why self-doubt is so powerful is that we feed it power through our own fears and insecurities. When we refuse to acknowledge that we suffer from a problem of doubting ourselves all the time, we never really do anything to fix this issue. 

By accepting that you suffer from self-doubt issues, you acknowledge to yourself that you have the power to change your life. Because this is the truth about self-doubt. It’s not something permanent that’s set in stone and cannot be changed. On the contrary, you can learn to become more trustful of yourself and learn to value your own thoughts.  

2. Stop being so hard on yourself 

We are our own worst critics. Self-doubt is what manifests when we give our internal critic free reign over our thoughts. 

The only way to stop doubting yourself is to stop criticizing yourself too harshly. There’s a reason why Shakespeare said, “To err is human” – it’s because we all do it. It’s important to know that no issue is unfixable and with a little effort, anything can be corrected. Also, do remember that you don’t always do the wrong thing. You are capable of – and will certainly have – done right, good, helpful things too. You may have failed to notice these good things because you’re too busy doubting yourself. 

Also, remember to follow the second half of the Bard’s proverb – “To forgive is divine” and forgive yourself for any mistakes you make. 

3. Give yourself a pep talk every day

A pep talk works wonders on self-esteem because it increases your belief in yourself and motivates you to live-up to the pep talk. This is why locker room pep talks are so effective. 

Pep talks work the philosophy called “The Pygmalion Effect”. The story goes that the Greek God Pygmalion once created a sculpture of a woman who was so beautiful that all other women paled before her. Pygmalion promised to himself that he would do anything to make her his bride and focused all of his mental energies in bringing the sculpture to life. He devotedly prayed to the Goddess Aphrodite until the goddess – flattered by the prayers – brought the sculpture to life. 

This story indicates that focus and true belief give us the ability to do absolutely anything to achieve our goals. That’s why “The Pygmalion Effect” is also called the “Self-Fulfilling Prophecy”. Whatever you promise to yourself – good or bad – you align your actions to those promises. 

So, as a rule, give yourself a pep talk before you start your day. Face the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say good things about yourself. Using affirmations like “You can do this”, “Your ideas are worth looking into” and “You are strong, smart and amazing” can help you reframe and restructure your thoughts more positively. 

Better still, get yourself a pack of Affirmation Cards to use each day. These decks come with positive and powerful affirmation on each card, like, “I am enough”, “I am humble”, “I am respectful of others” and “I don’t let my mind bully my body”, to name a few. 

Pulling a card each day and setting it up in front of you so you can see it throughout the day can help you remind yourself that you deserve love, success and happiness. 

4. Don’t compare your life with that of others

When we compare our lives with our friends, relatives or neighbours, we give rise to discontent. This discontent leads us to start second-guessing our life choices. We begin to believe that we are not as rich, as successful, as happy or as fulfilled as others because of the poor choices we have made. This can really ruin your happiness. 

It’s important that you understand that no person’s life takes the same trajectory as another’s. Everyone has their own victories and hardships, which affect their lives. Therefore, taking the same decisions as someone else may not yield the same results. 

So, stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own life. Do what is best for you and be satisfied with the results. 

5. Ignore the ridicules and disparaging comments 

It can be hard growing up or living in an environment where someone is constantly saying bad/mean things about you. I know how it can take a toll on our mental health. But it’s really important that you don’t allow others’ comments to drag you down. 

For one, when dealing with people who ridicule or disparage you, follow the policy of “in one ear and out the other”. Remember that their words can hurt you only if you give them the power to do so.  

Second, if you are in a position where you can’t escape this toxic environment, please keep reminding yourself every day that these hurtful words aren’t true. The more you talk positively to yourself, the lesser will the effect of others’ harsh words be on you. 

Again, I’d like to stress how important it is for you to restructure your thoughts positively. 

6. Take a social media detox 

Social media has become a very toxic place these days. Many people use the anonymity of the internet to post hurtful comments on others’ profiles. This poisonous culture can affect your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself all the time. It can make you feel as though you’re not good enough, beautiful enough or smart enough. 

The best way to overcome this hurdle is to take a social media detox. Start by staying off social media for two days and then slowly increase it by a few days, until you can stay off for weeks without withdrawal symptoms. 

7. Stop considering yourself an imposter 

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where a person feels like they don’t deserve success, despite having worked very hard for it. Although both men and women experience this, it is more common in women, especially in a career setting. 

When you suffer from imposter syndrome, you feel like a fraud. This condition occurs predominantly because of cultural/racial stereotypes and the environment we’ve grown up in. For example, suppose you hail from a culture that favors men in leadership positions. If you, a woman, get promoted to the post of CEO, you may begin to attribute your success to luck and not the hard work you’ve put in. This can be very debilitating since it can cause intense self-doubt. 

The only way to overcome this challenge is to reframe your thoughts. Always acknowledge the hard work you’ve put in and tell yourself that you’ve earned this success. 

8. Make decision making a daily habit 

For many people who doubt themselves, making decisions can be a huge challenge. The best way to tackle this problem is to force yourself to make decisions every day. These don’t have to be epic, life-changing decisions, but small ones. For example, instead of deferring to your partner about what meal to order-in today, choose the menu yourself. Or, instead of following the same route to work each day, decide to explore new routes each time. Soon you’ll build your confidence to make important decisions without doubt and fear. 

9. Set a goal for each day (and complete it)

Many of us who struggle with self-doubt use these doubts as an excuse to not commit to any life goals. This is often because of the underlying fear of failure. 

This purposelessness can lead to very unfulfilled lives. It’s imperative that you stop making excuses and start doing, so you can lead a life you’re proud of. 

It helps to start with small goals that you know you can achieve. For example, the goal for the day could be to run 100 metres more than what you did yesterday or to wake up 5 minutes earlier than the previous morning. 

As you work your way through these goals, you gain confidence in your abilities and are more willing to participate in personal & professional development opportunities. 

10. Accept compliments with grace 

One thing I noticed about myself when I was really struggling with self-doubt was my tendency to shrug-off any compliments that people paid me. Maybe you’ve done that too. 

Shrugging away compliments can actually break-down your self-esteem. You need to consciously start to accept any compliments that people pay you, with grace and respect. Once you start accepting how others perceive you positively, you’ll start believing this about yourself too. 

11. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself 

The people around you can influence and affect your personal energy. If they are gossipy, judgmental and rude, this negative energy can adversely affect you and create emotional and mental harm. 

It’s imperative that you take stock of your friends and family circle and cut away those people who are causing you harm. Create boundaries when you absolutely have to interact with people whose company feels draining. 

These might be hard to do, but they are great ways to stop doubting yourself.  

12. Read about self-made people 

This may be cliché, but it really does help when you read biographies of self-made entrepreneurs, stars and politicians. It’s because such books allow you to see how people rise through adversity and self-doubt to become the best versions of themselves. Such works can motivate you and help you realize that you can transform your life and stay free of doubt. 

13. Maintain a journal to record how you’re feeling 

Journaling is an immensely therapeutic technique that can help you unburden your worries, fears and insecurities. It can also act as an outlet where you can note down your ideas, opinions and dreams. When you give shape to your thoughts, it becomes easier to recognize your problem and work on them.

Gratitude journals, in particular, can offer you a lot of clarity. They are great ways to consciously acknowledge all the good in your life and all the amazing accomplishments you’re achieving. They can help you manage your thoughts better and stop doubting yourself. 

14. Take up the practice of Tarot & Oracle Card reading 

Surprised this is on the list? You see, tarot & oracle reading is more about mindfulness than it is about mysticism. 

Tarot and Oracle cards possess visual imagery, which speaks to our primal sense of sight-based intuition. The characters and images on the cards tap into our subconscious, giving us a safe way to express our innate fears without having to speak about them openly. They can help us find out the root causes of our doubts and address them effectively. 

You can combine tarot & oracle reading with journaling for better results. 

15. Celebrate every little victory 

When you’re constantly grappling with doubts about yourself, it helps to acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest victories you have. This is a great way to reinforce your expertise & skills and to gain confidence in your ability to make decisions independently.  

So, for example, suppose you see that you’ve been choosing what meal to make or order-in without depending on others for an entire week. Once that’s been achieved, you can treat yourself to ice cream or a new book or a dress.

16. Practice guided meditations 

Guided meditations use optimistic visualizations, positive affirmations and calming or controlling of the breath and the mind to help you experience peace. Regularly practicing guided meditations – at least 10 minutes each day - can help you learn how to visualize positive outcomes in your day-to-day lives. 

Just as with pep talks, guided meditations help you reframe your entire outlook about yourself and your life, giving you the power to experience positivity and confirmation. 

17. Seek professional help when necessary 

Finally, please know that it is okay to seek professional help from a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist if your feelings of self-doubt are too debilitating. These professionals can give you the techniques and tools you need to effectively cope with your intense feelings and experience inner calm. 

You can alternatively get in touch with a suttonfullpotentail career, clarity & mindset coach to help you navigate any professional hardships you may be facing.