How to stop demoting yourself in meetings

Last week I was in a meeting with a number of people from a nameless large multinational organisation. We were meeting to make a decision on whether to proceed with a project within the scope and scale of the company, a minor investment of around 150K.

I love to watch the dynamics at play in meetings. The HR Business Partner, let’s call her Judith, kept demoting herself. Even though Judith had been invited to the meeting to contribute to the decision, she started her introduction with

“I’m just in HR, so I can only advise. The nameless business unit must make the decision as they own the budget…”

During the meeting, she said things like...

?? “I’m not an expert on this but I think………”

Or

?? “Actually, I do have a question……”

There was also the tone and body language, which I can’t convey here.

Behind all the self-deprecating comments, she had good opinions.

Honestly, I wanted to shake her! ??

HR will never be invited to have a “seat at the table,” respected, or credible if the profession is full of Judith-like people demoting their positions and diminishing themselves.

As the psychologist, I was thinking of the reasons why Judith was behaving like this.

Does Judith

A. ?? believe her opinion doesn’t count?

B. ?? want to please everyone and avoid conflict.

C. ?? habitually speak this way

D. ?? All of the above

What option did you choose?

I’ve gone for D ?

If you want to present yourself as a credible HR leader in your next meetings, then watch your language.

Listen to yourself in the next meeting and see if you use these self-diminishing words or phrases often:

• “just” – e.g. I just wanted to add….
• “actually” – e.g. Actually, I would like to ask…
• “Sorry but” – e.g. Sorry but I wondered if we could look at that slide again….
• Phrases like – e.g. I’m just thinking off the top of my head… OR…I know you’re the experts.
• Suggestions as questions – e.g. Why don’t we increase the budget? Instead I suggest we increase the budget.

Every conversation and meeting is different, so there is certainly the right time for these words and phrases… but not every day, every week, every year.

?? “Sorry, I just wanted to suggest that you might like to take a minute to perhaps set up a call with me here if you are interested in coaching. Of course, if you are too busy, then I understand.”

OR

?? “Give me a call to discuss how you can elevate your career to CHRO level.”

Have fun in making work fit for human consumption. ??

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