How to STOP Comparing Yourself.

Can we talk about comparison for a minute?

Today someone sent me an email looking to do a partnership and as an example, they sent me a video they had done with another Career Coach on YouTube. I refuse to say competitor because I do believe there is room for all of us, but this still put me in a tailspin. 

Yes, I was being given the same opportunity, but the link put me on the person’s page to see not just the video but how well they’re doing, what they’re offering, etc. 

I purposely stay away from this person’s content because I don’t want to compare myself. They're great and talented but it is so easy to look at someone else and think “Why didn’t I do that?” or “Why did they get that opportunity?” and completely forget everything else you’ve done, opportunities taken, etc. 

And I know I’m not alone in this sort of comparison trap. I know job seekers go through this all the time- questioning why the friend got that job or promotion or internship? Why you aren’t as far along as your career as someone else your age? Wondering why that other person got assigned the project and not you. 

So how do we combat the comparison trap? Here’s what I do and I hope it helps you too:

1. Pray. Yes, I immediately brought religion into this, but this is the most important thing I do to remember not to compare, so I can’t leave it out! I pray to God to remind me that He has a plan for me and to pray for the wisdom to not compare myself to others. 
2. I write a list of all the things that I had been excited about until two minutes ago when I saw whatever I saw that through me into the comparison game. Isn’t it funny how you can be all jazzed on life one minute, and the next you completely forget every good thing and start questioning your decisions? I’ll literally write down what has been going well and what I’m working on to remember to stay in my lane. 
3. I delete or mute anyone on social who starts making me compare. It’s not their fault. They don’t know I’m sitting at home wondering why they did something and I didn’t. But I don’t need them cluttering up my mind and getting me off course, so I unfollow. 
4. Have a “Good Things” folder. I have a folder on Gmail of all the thank you’s I’ve received. On days where I feel less than, it’s helpful to read through some of those and remember how I helped people in the past and can do so again. You can do the same- it might not be a thank you, but any time you were praised on a project, did well on a paper, just had a good day- save it in a folder and look at it!

The comparison game hits me less and less these days, but I’m still not immune to it, and I’m betting you’re not either. I hope these tips help, and let me know in the comments what you do to stop comparing.