How to Stop Being Unhappy in Your Pursuit of Happiness

Does this sound familiar to you?

I was busting my butt to be happy.

I was working my ass off. Sacrificing. Enduring.

I thought if and when I achieve this, get that, be this way or that, then I would be happy.

The problem was, I was so unhappy trying to be happy.

WTF?!?!?

I realized many friends and colleagues were also unhappy in the pursuit of their happiness.

There must be a better way to be happy.

I sat down on a big rock to sort this out and find it.

I wondered why the happiness we often pursue doesn’t make us happy.

Clarity hit me like a rock and hopefully, it will hit you like one too (metaphorically, of course) as I share my discoveries.

First, is the fallacy of happiness.

What we think will make us happy won’t

That new car. A new job. More money. A new whatever.

“Wow. I will be so happy when I have, achieve, attain or overcome (fill in the blank).” ?

Then you succeed and you really don’t feel all that happy about it. More likely, your overall happiness quotient has barely gone up and is short-lived at that.

It really didn’t make you that happy and the pursuit of it often made you unhappy.

Was it worth it?

This is the biggie. This is about careers and pursuits that suck the life out of us.

We suffer, sacrifice and lose precious days and years of our lives in our commitment to do, be or attain what we think will make us happy.

Worse yet, is when we go through all of that based on what others (from parents to marketers) tell us will make us happy.

We lose more along the way than we attained from our pursuit.

Only you know or can discover what makes you happy.

You attain it but now want something else

I can cite times in my life when I got what I wanted to make me happy only to find that along the way I had set my sites on something else.

My pursuit of happiness is like being stuck on a hamster wheel.

Life happens

You’re pursuing something you think will make you happy and then life happens.

Something partially or totally derails your plans. Now what?

You’re lost, deflated and defeated in your pursuit of happiness because you tied your happiness to the thing you were pursuing.

Unless you have learned what truly makes you happy, every day, then life can all too easily derail you.

The pursuit of happiness can really suck

What you have to go through to pursue what you hope will make you happy can make you incredibly unhappy.

As Adam Knorr writes on Substack , “A 2016 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology focused on the pursuit of happiness and found the more you pursue happiness, the less likely you are to get it.

In fact, in the U.S., chasing happiness is linked to higher levels of unhappiness.?

Distress.?

Frustration.?

Dissatisfaction.”

Yep. Trying to be happy can really suck.

A better way to be happy

While sitting on my rock, I flipped all of those negatives into positives. I not only found a better way to be happy but a way to be happy now and in the future.

I found that being happy now also helped me make better choices in what I would pursue.

Be happy now

What are you waiting for? The ultimate desire for every human is to be happy.

If you can’t be happy now, you probably won’t be happy ever. Even when you achieve or attain.

When you make an intention to put your attention on being happy now, you will start being happy, now.

The pursuit of happiness won’t suck if you’re happy every day even during the pursuit.

It’s so easy we miss or dismiss it.

Gratitude

It’s a fact: You cannot be unhappy if you’re being grateful.

Grateful for the smallest things and certainly the big ones.

Start practicing gratitude and you will start being happier immediately.

You are appreciating everything you have from being alive to the people in your lives to the things you have to your health to your abilities and opportunities, to a beautiful day or the sound of a bird singing.

I first heard about this gratitude thing when I was pulling myself out of a dark hole and was in an awful place in life.

One day, a cardinal landed on a limb next to me and started singing. I thought to myself, “Oh. I’m supposed to take a moment and be grateful for that” as I rolled my eyes mocking the thought.

Then magic happened. I got it! I understood. I found and felt gratitude. I became aware of how my gratitude went beyond just the bird singing.

Now I do it allllllll the time. Without trying.

You try it.

It will make you happy.

Being happy despite life happening

Granted, Life happens and sometimes it is awful.

Whether big or small, knowing how to be happy gives us amazing resilience.

Think of those who amazingly overcame huge problems and challenges and thrived.

In each person, you will often discover a mindset, confidence and ability to meet the challenge with grace and success.

They know how to be grateful and happy and use it.

The surprise bonus of being happy

Once you learn how to be happy you start making better choices on what to pursue to make your life better and happier.

You will recognize what you think will make you happier won’t or isn’t worth the unhappiness of pursuing.

For what you do choose, you will be happier every day in the pursuit of it.

You learn what makes you happy, so you embrace it, foster it and pursue it and make your choices accordingly.

It’s all about being happy the EZ way

Everything you do every minute of every day, even if you don’t want to, is driven by the desire to be happy.

Break it down. Ask “Why am I doing this” until you run out of answers. That last answer will be “because I want to be happy”.

Being happy now by being grateful.

Being happy now and in the future by making better choices.

Thanks to that cardinal and my teachers, now if I am busting my butt for something, I am happy to do it.

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