How to stop being triggered by other people
Have you ever been hurt by other people's opinions and other people's word, even if they aren't directed at you? I have and I know what it feels like to be cut down and to have my day turned upside down because of this and my own choices and reactions. Remember that we get to choose who we spend time with and how we react to certain situations. So let's take a look at how different choices and reactions can lead to different outcomes.
Other People's Opinions
1. Just stop hanging out with people if they are not 100% supportive of you.
It does not matter how long they've known you for, they don't deserve to be in your life if they talk down to you in some sort of way, do not want the best for you, and find holes in your success.
2. Be aware and careful of who you are taking advice from.
Their advice is based on their opinions which are based on their experiences.
If you want to start your own business but your mum has never been a business owner, is she the best person to take advice from? Who’s opinion you should value?
Maybe you have an amazing idea for a product you want to invent and your friends have never invented a product, but they tell you how silly it is or how bad of an idea it is. Should their opinion really have an influence on whether you go ahead or not?
Surely it would make more sense to take advice from and value the opinions of someone who has already tried before.
Other People's Words
No one can hurt you with words that you don't already believe. People can say all sorts of things to you, many that might not affect you at all but one of them might hit an insecurity that you have and that's when it hurts. That's when you take offence to something. This is because you already believe it to be true, they’re saying something that you already believe about yourself.
Instead of letting them affect you, remember that you can choose how to react. Try to thank them quietly because what's actually happening here is the person is giving you a gift. That person is showing you where you're still hung up. That person is showing you where you still have work. If somebody says something to you and you don't have any reaction then you're not hung up about it but if they get a reaction out of you, it is a clear and honest reflection where you are still triggered. You might have a short temper and get angry easily, you might get emotional very easily, you might have issues around money or your parents, or you have emotional trauma that maybe you haven't worked through when it's brought to light. That is when you are triggered.
That is when you get angry or emotional. Take note of this as it is a perfect mirror for you to reflect on what you still need to work on.
Without awareness you cannot know what your weaknesses are. So the people that get a reaction out of you have not only given you a gift but they have also given you awareness. Now that you have this information about yourself you get to choose what you would like to do with it. You get to choose whether to work on it or not.
Sometimes it might feel like there is so much you have to work on, as you master one thing, another thing pops up. The truth is that life is a constant uplevelling of growth. It never stops. Once you realise this, you will realise that it is okay to keep having things to work on, without guilt, shame or judgement on yourself. You just need to notice it and be removed from it and know that it is something you need to work through.
As I always say, don't try to work things out in your head. When they are in your head, they are abstract. Rather take out a pen and paper and start asking yourself some questions around your triggers, around your emotions, around your issues, your anger, your sadness, whatever happens to come up for you.
What am I still hung up around?
Why am I still hung up around it?
What do I need to do to work past it?
Now you will have a game plan to work through the next time it comes up so that you don't get triggered as much or that when you are triggered your reaction can be a different one.
You will never get to a point when you don't have a temper or you don't have emotions, or things are just perfectly calm at all times but remember that's okay. That's life. Let it be a journey and be proud of the progress you make.
No one can hurt you with words unless you already believe those words and you're insecure.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So next time you’re triggered by someone, see it as a gift. That person has given you the gift of awareness to show you where you were still hung up and you still need to put in the work. You have been given the opportunity to learn, to grow, to improve and that’s what we are actually here to do.
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