How To Stop Being Exploited At Work

Navigating a successful career can be tricky.

It’s been said that no one truly makes it to the top on their own.

Every great success story mentions someone reaching out for help somewhere along the way.

Nothing wrong with accepting help. But be careful. Not all help is created equal. Not all favors are well-intentioned.

Beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Stop accepting help from colleagues who have a history of using their favors against you.

Giving a recommendation to a colleague. Helping a friend start a new business. Introducing two like-minded people. These are things that positive, successful business people do. These are things you can do to build your professional platform. In fact, these are smart ways of connecting and networking.

We are encouraged to reach out to others to offer help and to be humble enough to seek it out and accept it for ourselves. It’s resourceful and smart business. Until it comes back to bite you.

The key is to make sure that the favors you’re accepting are not from manipulative people. Once someone pressures you into doing something because they did you a “favor” in the past, that’s the moment you stop accepting favors from them.

You know who I’m talking about. The colleague who offers you something that will benefit you professionally. The co-worker who rushes in to save you when you hit an obstacle on the job.

These people woo you with ego-boosting support and favors just when you need them. And then when they see an opportunity to collect ― watch out. They turn into opportunistic vultures that show up for payout.

How Exploiters Use Covert Aggression In The Workplace

Behavioral psychologists refer to this as “covert aggression” and it’s a prime psychological manipulation technique.

A study reported in Personality and Social Psychology Review analyzed indirect, relational, and social aggression ― and found that across both genders, this type of psychological manipulation is used equally as an alternative to any direct approach.

The Journal of Personality published research 20 years ago that identified favor-making as one of 12 common manipulation tactics.

This one is highlighted as “Reciprocity-Reward” and begins with offering a favor to get something back and then using that as leverage at a later date.

In other words ― these people are cowards.

Passive-aggression is still aggression and it needs to be purged from your work life completely. These manipulators consciously or subconsciously set you up by offering to help. Then they lie in wait until they can use that offering against you to get something from you.

The University of Michigan summarized two studies on what they call the dark side of emotional intelligence: people that have high emotional intelligence and display empathy, only to use it as an “in” to manipulate you.

Exploiters. That’s what they’re called. It feels like betrayal the second these people reveal their true intentions because they slid in wearing soft sheep’s wool.

Here are 3 reasons why you need to stop accepting help from psychologically manipulative people at work…

1. Manipulators make you dependent.

Manipulative people will see an area of need and they rush to fill it for you. They come in looking like the good guy or girl: the Rescuer.

All forms of psychological manipulation follow the same pattern. The manipulator conditions you emotionally to be receptive in some twisted way to do something that serves them.

They want you to be needy. They want you to feel grateful… eternally. Their temporary benevolence is neither pure, nor is it ever as valuable as they present it to be.

Your best protection is self-reliance. Learn to rely on yourself. Rely on your own creativity and resourcefulness to solve problems. Make your own connections. Do your own fundraising. Whatever your area of need ― seek to fulfill it yourself first.

Need less from people at work, and fewer people will try and take advantage of you. Be stronger and more capable on your own, and manipulative people can’t have an entry point into your career.

2. Manipulators want unlimited payback.

Some people will add value to a situation and move on with their lives.

Others will add value and demand a pound of flesh in return. These pound-of-flesh people use small favors, like a piece of business advice that happened to play out well, or a chance introduction to someone you would have met anyway, as leverage to control your actions.

They’re the ones who will remind you over and over again about how your career success wouldn’t have been possible without them. They’re the ones who will take credit for giving you your best ideas. They are constantly looking for ways to use something against you. Right in front of you, or behind your back.

Once your favor comes back to bite you the first time, don’t let it happen again.

Every time you don’t do what they want, every time you don’t please them ― they will come at you with reminders of their past “gifts” as a way to make you feel guilty and in chronic servitude to them.

Let these people go.

3. Manipulators won’t ever change.

Your boss who makes you feel good only when he wants you to work over the weekend. Your co-worker who will only allow you to feel good about yourself when you’re doing what he or she wants you to do. These people will never change. Do not try and be rational with irrational, self-serving people.

Recognize these ploys as covert aggression and reject them. Immediately and permanently. Don’t make the mistake of giving these people a free pass. It will come back to haunt you.

Look — when it comes to business, everyone is in it for themselves but not everyone is out to get you.

Manipulators just play dirty. They’re sneaky.

Don’t live in paranoia that everyone is trying to take advantage of you. But at the same time, don’t be naive.

The more times you give in to this type of behavior, the longer it will take you to reach your professional goals. These people will always hold you back. They will use your past to stomp on your confidence.

They will take credit for your hard work and for everything good that happens to you in the future.

Once a manipulator tries to take credit for something you accomplished, or tries to tie your achievements to some meaningless action they took years ago, get rid of them.

The only way to avoid being manipulated by people offering help that they’ll later use against you is to start being more self-reliant. Give and receive help on your own terms. Identify where you actually want or need help and accept favors with caution. Be resourceful for yourself first. Manipulative people make you dependent by holding you hostage to their last good deed. Once they get a foothold in your life, they dig in deeper and look for ways to steal your accomplishments and rob your successes. Be independent. Get rid of these people the first time they expose themselves for who they really are, and don’t let them fool you again.

How do you stay self-reliant at work? Tell me in a comment below.

I also write for Fast Company and Entrepreneur Magazine:

• The Skills You Need To Grow Your Business
• 10 People Who Will Destroy Your Business
• 5 Benefits Of Being A Misfit Entrepreneur

Check out my book of personal and professional advice, Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Create A Powerful Purpose For Their Lives.