How to stick to your goals in 2023

Happy New Year! ?? Welcome to the first CNBC Work It newsletter of 2023. ?????

Have you set any goals for 2023? Do you have a plan for how to achieve them?

I don’t know about you but the first few weeks of the new year, I’m high on goals and the new me – talking up my plans to everyone from my best friend to the cashier at the grocery store. But it is way too easy to slide down that embankment of shame as the month goes on into a valley of I-haven’t-done-anything.

So, before we start rolling down that hill, let’s take a look at our goals – and our strategy for achieving them.

I was listening to the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast yesterday – she was talking with Chris Duffy, host of the “How to Be a Better Human” podcast, about how to set up a framework to achieve your goals. Here are a few tips from their conversation:

?? Make sure that your goals aren’t so big they’re setting you up for failure – like “Sell a screenplay.” Instead, try to tackle smaller components of that broader goal – and ones that aren’t dependent on a million other people – or even one other person – to happen. Don’t put that on them. This is all you – and you’ve got this.

?? Framing is everything. ?Instead of setting a goal of “Learn to speak fluent Italian,” make it “learn 5 words of Italian” per week, per month – whatever.

?? Make one goal on your list a slam dunk! Make sure there is one goal that is super easy to achieve – that will give you confidence that you’ve checked one off the list. Then keep going!

Here are a few more tips to help you reach your goals from Ayelet Fishbach, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business:

?? Set goals that aren’t chores

?? Attack the “middle problem” – that tendency to slack off midway.

?? Practice self-control by identifying your main temptations and committing to resisting them.

?? Have a support system. It takes a village – and that goes for everything from raising kids to losing those 10 lbs!

“The presence of others influences our motivation, even when they’re not physically with us,” Fishbach said.

That could mean checking in with a friend or loved one on your goal or even just having a photograph of them on your desk, which could be a subtle reminder of the pact you made and the support they’re giving you to help you stick to your goal.

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Look out for the ‘shame storm’

Making Jan. 1 and the new year such a big deal puts a lot of pressure on us and frankly, it’s easy to fall short.

If it’s the second week of January and you have done nothing on your new year, new me list, it’s easy fall into the shame trap. You are ashamed that the new you is a sham and, instead of saying “I failed to achieve that goal,” it’s easy to go straight to “I AM a failure.”

That’s what Brené Brown, a researcher and author of “Daring Greatly” and other books, calls a “shame storm.” ?? You are in it deep and “that warm wash of ‘not good enough’ has taken over,” Brown explains. And, you know what? “It doesn't matter how you get into shame; the trick is getting out. In one piece,” Brown says – without getting hit by flying debris. (I love her metaphors!)

Instead of letting yourself be paralyzed by shame, strive for a sort of “healthy embarrassment,” Koshin Paley Ellison, a Zen teacher and the co-founder of New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care, said on the podcast “Ten Percent Happier.”

That means recognizing that 1) all of us – every single human – have a hard time carrying out our goals and 2) Falling short of a goal doesn’t mean YOU are the failure.

You just need to acknowledge the stumble and get back up and try again. And, as Brown advises, have the courage to reach out to trusted family and friends for support. But make sure it is the right person – someone who will react with compassion and support, not bring their own issues into it. Brown has?a whole laundry list of the wrong type of people to share your shame with and it is really illuminating about why some of us wind up trying to handle it alone – or “turtle up,” ?? as I like to call it – instead of seeking support.

Goals of the rich and successful

Still struggling with your goals? Here are some goals for 2023 that executives shared with CNBC Make It that might light a spark ?:

?? Get up and move. We’ve been sitting so much in the past few years working from home! So, for 2023, the goal is to take a few minutes in the middle of the day to get up and move – maybe even combine that with tackling something on the to-do list like walking the dog or weeding. (David Schwarzbach, Yelp CFO)

?? Ask better questions to figure out the problems, find opportunities and create something extraordinary. (Jen Felch, Dell Technologies chief digital officer and CIO)

?? Tackle burnout. A lot of leaders tackle burnout on their teams but don’t take time for themselves and instead try to convince themselves and their employees that they are invincible. The goal is to be authentic about it and address your own needs. Map out time off and carve out daily time for self, family and rejuvenating practices. (Naomi Wheeless, Square global head of customer success)

?? Make a “say no” list. When you say “yes” to too many things (I am so guilty of that!), you take energy and time away from other priorities. The goal is to say “no” to a few things each week and add more energy to things that matter the most. (Esi Eggleston Bracey, president of Unilever U.S. and CEO of personal care, Unilever North America)

?? Work on things that move the needle and think about new ways and approaches to get work done. (Susan Daimler, Zillow president)

Some of the major themes that emerged from the executives here were supporting your team to help them and their ideas grow, prioritizing the things that matter and taking time for yourself to find balance – because that is just as important for success as working hard.

The one habit you need to succeed

Billionaire entrepreneur Mark Cuban says one thing everyone over 30 should be doing every day in order to succeed is reading ?? – and constantly expanding your mind. ??

“Somebody 40 and over, even 30 and over, if you’re not reading, you’re f---ed… because you’re not expanding your mind,” Cuban said on the “Club Random” podcast with Bill Maher.

And he would know – Cuban is the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, a founder and investor in many companies and is one of the stars of “Shark Tank,” where he vets new business ideas and picks the ones he thinks are the winners to invest in.

I love this advice to kick off 2023. I have long been a proponent of the idea of “staying in motion” – if you don’t know what your goal is or have one but don’t know how to achieve it, just stay in motion. ??♀? Take a class. ??♀? Try something new. ?? Meet a friend for coffee.? I feel like this applies to everything from dating to your career. You’re probably not going to find the answer on your couch. But who knows when one of those threads will lead to your next big thing.

If you haven’t set your goals yet – it’s not too late! Jan. 1 is not some magical unicorn ?? of a date. Sure, it’s a great motivator but it’s not everything. If you have your goals in mind – great! But don’t set yourself up for failure – make them attainable and set a strategy to achieve them. Let’s stay in motion and keep reading (or listening to podcasts ?? or whatever) – just keep the ideas and inspiration flowing! ?? And, if we slip up, it’s not the end of the world! Let’s try “healthy embarrassment” instead of beating ourselves up and slipping into a shame storm. Then let’s get up and keep going.

Onward and upward in 2023! ??

More from CNBC:

? Harvard expert on the worst thing about New Year’s resolutions –and how to beat it

? The 4 best success tips CEOs shared this year

? How to beat the post-holiday slump at work, according to executives

? Nearly half of American workers are hoping for a promotion or raise in 2023

? CEO who summitted Mt. Everest 8 times: How to achieve success without chasing risks

This newsletter was written by?Cindy Perman . If you loved this advice from CNBC,?sign up for our newsletters . There’s something for everyone: breaking news, Jim Cramer’s Investing Club, Make It, Your Wealth, Invest in You: Money 101 – and much more!