How to step into your CEO power when Impostor Syndrome tells you you’re not capable

I know it’s only February 3rd, but I’m calling it … I think I’m about to have the best year in small business ownership to date [currently at my 8th year, btw], and I want to take this opportunity to tell you what’s contributed to my having gone from the worst year I’ve ever had in business [2022, for those playing at home] to what’s feeling like it might just be the best.

Buckle in, it’s about to get radically honest…

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I got really clear on my role as TDP’s CEO.

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Because I have become TDP’s CEO here, and prior to that? I feel like I was hiding behind the title of “Creative Director”, which – in reality – was just my being a “baby CEO” who was not?quite?ready for the big leap to CEO.

I?was?ready, I just needed a little mentoring in a couple of areas I was lacking in [mostly financial] so I invested in mentoring there to fill the gaps … and a little more in confidence coaching for c-suite executives to flesh out the remaining gaps, and?voila.

Ladies and gentlemen? …?her.

[it’s a TikTok reference there, btw].

Now I’m stuck in this incredible cycle of happiness, and confidence, and the happiness fuelling more confidence … and then that increase in confidence fuelling more happiness, and as it turns out? All o’ that mentoring I invested in doesn’t come close to helping me perform my role as well as I currently am [which has actually just?come down to believing in myself].

Surreal.

Why is this “huge revelation” so cliche and simple [?!].

The final part was collaborating with my business coach, Ami from Craft Coaching & Development to flesh out my role as TDP’s CEO [entirely skewed towards my strengths, and outsourcing my deficit areas to masters within those areas].

I spoke about that more?here.

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I subsequently took a seat at the table.

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Having done all o’ the above work, I began to really believe I’d earned a seat at the CEO table.??My table.??My freakin’ business [lol].

Before then? I genuinely felt invisible within my business [pandemic-induced invisibility, honestly: nothing more, nothing less].

Have you ever read the book, ‘the 5 dysfunctions of a team’ by Patrick Lencioni? … for those that have read it, your heart might just pang a little when I share with you all that I was Geoff, i.e the invisible, really quite pathetic CEO who’d long stopped believing in himself, and subsequently became invisible within his own business.

I read this book?years?ago and remember wanting to shake Geoff by the shoulders and shout, “take a seat at the?table,?man” … and not – at all – able to relate to his, uh, pathetic’ness.??

… and then I can whole-heartedly say that by December 2021? I was more invisible [and pathetic] than Geoff.

By mid-2022? I’d had a gutful.?I was so sick of knowing how much I was capable of, but not being able to demonstrate any of those capabilities because I wasn’t taking a seat at my own table.

Fast forward to October 2022 [a whole year later], and I took a seat at the table again: slowly, tentatively, and now? …confidently.?Happily.?Intelligently.?Respectfully.?Gracefully.?Hungrily.?Humbly.

… just all o’ the “ly’s” to be honest. #lol .

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I started holding the mic more.

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When you start taking a seat at the table, you begin to realise you’re going to need a microphone [not just to make your own voice leader, but to also be able to pass that microphone around to the people at the table?with?you].

I took the mic.?I surrounded myself with people who?gave?me a “mic”.?I noticed that people?wanted?me to hold a mic, and they were using language that spelt that out “I’m here to guide, Cherie: the final call is yours to make” [that x1 statement floored me that day, for all of the right reasons … because it was abundantly clear my voice was a welcome one].

And – of course – true to my servant leadership approach? … I don’t scream into my “mic” like the kid whose grandparents have just bought them a mic [seemingly forgetting how agonising any mic is for parents of young children. #lol ], and I instead pass it around.

Because I wanna hear from?other?voices, and amplify those … because that’s a?big?part of my CEO role.

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I’m investing in mastery [I always have, but now? Even moreso] … and some of that mastery really appeals to my Autistic special interests.

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Circling back to point number one? When I mapped my CEO role at TDP with my business coach, I made sure it leant into all of my strengths … as well as areas that’ll challenge me for all o’ the right reasons [but that I’ll grow from because of that “challenge”].

What I didn’t include in that role, though? … anything that is a?legitimate?weakness of mine, because if it’s a weakness of mine, it becomes a weakness to the business and everyone within it [we don’t want that].

When I identified those weakness areas, I made sure we were investing in mastery [and masters] to fill those gaps, which we well and truly have.

As a hilarious aside? … those masters are doing things and working roles that are – unfortunately for them – Autistic special interests to me, and so whilst I’m in?no way?micromanaging [not my jam,?never?my jam], I’m asking a?lot?of questions out of almost childlike levels of curiosity and fascination with who they are and what they’re doing here at TDP.

… I imagine it’s intense, but I promise I’m playing it cool as best I can, and I am instead coming home from work and infodumping for?hours?to my husband like the absolute Autiste that I am [I have?no idea?how he is able to listen to me for?that?long, excitedly talking about everything I’m currently watching my team do].

Anyone who understands Autistic culture and identity will?know?how happy an Autistic person is when they’re surrounding themselves with people or things that appeal to their particular Autistic Special Interests [a.k.a SpIns].

This is me right now: and I am?buzzed.

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I’m squashing the people-please curse.

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Do we have any people pleasers here?

Can I tell you something? The worst my business has?ever?performed has been when people-pleasing has?ruled?… and I’m the most notorious culprit for it, because I’m a big ol’ [recovering] people pleaser.

I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m “cured” [because I’m not even?close?to where I want to be in terms of recovering from people-please, but I finished the last quarter of 2022 committed to reducing the people-please curse … and I’ve begun 2023 having noticed some big impacts from some of the?smallest?changes.

I’m developing a lot more courage to being disliked.?I’m genuinely comfortable making unpopular decisions if they’re made with the greater good in mind.?I’m not excessively explaining myself all the time [neurodivergent folk,?I know ya feel me here].?I’m not imagining constant worst case scenarios that mostly revolve around being disliked … because speaking honestly? When I was at the peak of my people-please? I reckon that was the most disliked I’ve likely ever been [lol].

The irony.

With some of the changes I’ve mentioned above, I can see me winning things that matter the most to me: trust, and respect.

And in gaining more trust and respect? … I’m building more confidence, and just generally more happy, which brings us all perfectly back to the?beginning?of this post, i.e I’m stuck in a most beautiful cycle of increased happiness fuelling increased confidence, and?repeat.