How to Stay Cool When a Coworker Undermines Your Authority

We've all been there: we're meeting with our teams, presenting ideas, and suddenly, out of nowhere, one of our coworkers undermines us. He or she questions our judgment, challenges our decision, or, worse, cuts us off in front of others. It seems personal, and, trust me, it stings. In situations such as these, how we respond can make or break (or even define) our leadership.

Here’s how I’ve learned to handle those moments without losing my cool or derailing my day:

Pause, Don’t React

Sounds simple, but it’s not always easy. The first thing I’ve learned to do is not react immediately. Our first instinct is often to defend ourselves (I get it), but trust me: taking a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts can be a game-changer. We’re in control of how we respond, and that’s what counts. As leaders, this is even more important for us to get right.

Assess the Situation, Don’t Assume

Sometimes, people don’t realize the impact of their actions. So, before jumping to conclusions, I strive to take a second to ask myself: Is this person trying to make a power move? Or, did they perhaps just misspeak? Understanding the “why” behind people's actions helps us respond in a way that’s measured, not charged. It's a balancing act because we also don't want to be naive.

Non-Verbal Confidence

I’ve learned that how we carry myself speaks volumes, especially in tense moments. Keep your posture open, make eye contact, and avoid body language that signals frustration. It’s not about faking it; it’s about showing that we're composed, even if we're actually rattled inside.

Address It Calmly, Not with Hostility

If it’s necessary to address the situation right away, I’ve found that calmly reasserting myself works wonders. A line like, “I hear your perspective, and I’ve considered this thoroughly. Here’s why we’re going this direction....” allows me to stand firm without creating unnecessary conflict.

Avoid the Public Back-and-Forth

This is non-negotiable. Public arguments make both parties appear unprofessional and create discomfort for our teams. I'm usually good at this; however, there was one time this year when things went too far. It was a recurring issue, and I needed to re-establish firm boundaries. I took it to a private setting, making it clear what behaviors were unacceptable to me and where I drew the line. It was risky, especially because it involved a manager with authority over me. Sometimes, clearing the air privately is the best way to restore respect and move forward.

Stay Focused on the Outcome, Not the Drama

This might sound obvious, but when tensions are high, it’s easy to get pulled into the drama. I strive to keep my eyes on the goal: the project, the solution, the team’s success. That’s what I’m there for. That’s where my focus needs to stay.

Reaffirm Your Leadership, Not with Ego, but with Confidence

Leadership isn’t about convincing others that we're in charge; it’s about being secure in our decisions. When my authority has been questioned, I've simply reaffirmed that I've made a decision that is best for the team. No need to defend yourself. Be confident in your leadership.

Follow Up, if Needed

If undermining persists, I’d address it directly with the individual. Using “I” statements such as, “I felt undermined when X happened,” opens the door for constructive conversation without sounding accusatory. It’s all about calm communication, not hostile confrontation.

Know When to Seek Support

Sometimes, it’s not just a one-time thing. If it becomes a pattern, it might be time to involve their offending party's manager or HR. We shouldn't have to navigate this alone. Office politics plays a part in what decision is best, but a supportive environment is key to lasting change.

Why It’s Important to Stay Calm

As leaders, we have a responsibility to demonstrate poise under pressure. And, here’s the kicker: when a coworker undermines our authority, others are watching. They may or may not judge the person who challenged us, but they will definitely judge how we handled it. In those moments, we have an opportunity to show that we’re the type of leader who handles conflict well -- confidently, maturely, with class and dignity.

I’ve had my fair share of these tense moments, and every single time, I challenge myself to remember: this is where I get to prove my leadership.

A final thought: Own your space.

What’s your strategy when a coworker undermines your authority? Let me know how you handle these situations. I’d like to hear what’s worked for you. Thanks for reading.