How to stay in control (even when things feel out of control)

Hello! Welcome back to Your Future, Your Work, where we explore what it takes to create a lasting positive impact, empower and inspire your team, and become the best version of yourself at work and home. Join me and take your next step toward greatness.

Stress is a regular challenge for leaders — and it can escalate to a point where we find ourselves having an outsized or unreasonable reaction. Have you ever noticed yourself getting mad at someone for something innocuous, like sending you an email? This is how one of my clients recently shared he knows he’s reached his limit.?

The truth is, irrational reactions are often symptoms of a bigger problem: stress that has reached a tipping point. And with more than three-quarters (76%) of us experiencing enough workplace stress to negatively affect our mental health , it’s a major concern. One email, one unexpected request, or one small inconvenience can be the last straw. When these challenges overwhelm us, we respond in less than desirable ways. For some, it might lead to snapping at a colleague. For others (like me), it might result in eating a Nutella sandwich at 11 p.m. — a small comfort in a moment of overwhelm.

Our ability to perform our best is based on more than hard work . Our wellbeing —?physically, emotionally, mentally —? determines how we show up every day. They’re the pillars that hold us up , and when one or more of them weaken, we can easily crumble.?

So, how do you manage these irrational stress responses? How do you regain control when you feel like everything is slipping through your fingers?

Recognize when you’re overwhelmed

The first step in managing stress is to notice it. When you're stressed, your senses become more heightened. You’re on high alert . And while that can help us in some situations, too much? stress can cause an overreaction. That’s when things like getting angry at an email sender start to happen. It’s not the email that’s the problem—it’s the underlying stress you’ve been carrying for days, weeks, or even months.

One of the most important things you can do is observe your reactions. Do you know when you’re approaching stress-overload? I recently held a poll on LinkedIn, and nearly 50% of respondents didn’t know how to they reacted when they were stressed! !?

Everyone gets derailed, and tools like the Hogan Personality Assessment can help you find clarity. For some, it’s irritability and anger. For others, it’s procrastination or distraction. You may notice that you’re reacting more sharply to your team members or family. Maybe you can’t seem to focus on the report that was due yesterday, doing everything except what’s due. If that sounds familiar, it’s time to pause and assess.?

If you’re having trouble identifying what your individual stress responses look like, ask trusted colleagues, friends, or family members for feedback. It’s possible that they’ve noticed patterns you haven’t yet recognized.?

Ask yourself: What are my individual warning signs that I’m approaching my tipping point? Who can help me identify my own personal indicators of stress??

Course-correct when possible

Once you’ve recognized that you’ve derailed, consider steps to interrupt the stress cycle. You have options, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

Acknowledge your state: Sometimes, you can’t course-correct immediately. When that happens, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re feeling the way you do. This doesn’t mean giving in to frustration, but it does mean recognizing that your stress level is elevated. In these moments, it’s important to realize that it’s okay to not be perfect or to feel a bit off-track. By acknowledging your state, you give yourself permission to step back and reflect.

Make It 5% better: When you’re deep in stress, overcoming the situation can feel insurmountable. Instead, ask yourself: “What small step can I take to improve my situation by just 5%?” If you’re able to, consider taking immediate action to shift your mindset or environment. This might mean taking a walk, stepping away from your inbox for five minutes, or doing a breathing exercise to recalibrate. The goal here is to prevent the stress from snowballing further. By making small improvements, you begin to regain a sense of control.

Know what keeps you balanced: The best defense against irrational stress responses is prevention . Knowing what keeps you even-keeled is crucial for long-term stress management. For me, that means getting seven hours of sleep, exercising regularly, and having at least one hour of unstructured time each day —?like curling up with a good book or watching a favorite movie. If you don’t already have a routine that helps you stay balanced, it’s time to develop one.

Ask yourself: What has helped me in the past to reduce stress? What action can I take right now to improve my situation?

Stress is an unavoidable part of life, especially for those in leadership positions. But by becoming aware of your stress triggers, recognizing when you’re overwhelmed, and knowing how to stay balanced, you can prevent irrational reactions before they take over. And remember, it’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. To quote Albert Einstein, “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

What kind of leader do you want to be? Let’s talk about it.?

Make sure you never miss an issue by clicking the “Subscribe” button in the upper right corner of the page. For more articles, tips, and insights, connect with me here!?