How to start a conversation to get the results you want

The importance of the first few seconds

We’ve all been there: you start a conversation intending to discuss project deadlines, and before you know it, you're talking about vacations or someone's cat. Then it hits you: “Wait, how did we end up here?”

The problem is, many people underestimate just how crucial the first few seconds of a conversation are. It’s in those opening moments that you either grab the other person’s attention and set the right tone—or lose the thread entirely, leading to endless clarifications and off-track discussions.

The good news? You don’t need to be born with a special gift to start conversations effectively. This is a skill anyone can develop. It will serve you well not only in negotiations but also in team huddles, email exchanges, and quick work chats.

To get conversations on the right track from the very beginning, there are three key elements to keep in mind: context, purpose, and key message.

Context: set the stage

Imagine being invited to a movie, but when you arrive, the film is already halfway through. While you try to figure out who’s the hero, who’s the villain, and why the building on screen is on fire, your interest starts to fade. The same thing happens in conversations: if you dive into the details without any setup, the person you’re talking to won’t know what’s going on.

Context is your introduction—it helps your listener get oriented and join the conversation seamlessly. It lays the groundwork for a smooth discussion and saves time for everyone involved.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you need to discuss a new marketing strategy with a colleague. You could jump right into numbers and charts, but it’s better to start like this: “Hey Anna, remember last week when we talked about expanding our audience reach? I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve got a few new ideas I’d love to go over with you.”

This approach gives Anna immediate clarity on what the conversation will be about. No need for her to guess or ask follow-up questions to catch up. Think of context as a compass—it keeps the conversation pointed in the right direction and avoids unnecessary detours.

Purpose: be clear about what you want

One of the most common reasons conversations go off the rails is that nobody knows what the goal is. It’s like going on a road trip without a destination—you’re moving, but it’s not clear where you’re headed.

To keep things productive, it’s essential to state your purpose upfront: What do you need from the other person? What outcome are you aiming for?

For example, if you’re discussing project timelines, you could say: “We need to decide today whether to extend the deadline by a week. I’d like to get your input and lock in a new date.”

This kind of clarity helps focus everyone’s attention and makes it easier to reach a decision. When people know what’s expected, they can respond more effectively—and with fewer distractions.

Key message: keep the focus on what matters

Another common issue in conversations is losing focus. We've all been in meetings where someone goes off on a tangent, and before you know it, you’ve spent 20 minutes discussing unrelated topics. The key to avoiding this is to identify and deliver your main point right from the start.

Here’s an example: “The greatest challenge we’re facing right now is that we don’t have enough people on the project. If we don’t get additional help, we won’t hit the deadline.”

By putting the key message front and center, you keep the discussion focused and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth. It also ensures that your listener understands the heart of the issue and can contribute meaningfully.

Wrap-up: make it a habit

Effective communication isn’t magic—it’s a skill that takes practice. The more you use these techniques, the more natural they’ll feel. Start by applying them in your next meeting or conversation: set the context, clearly state your purpose, and focus on your key message.

For example, before your next meeting, take a minute to plan how you’ll introduce the topic. In your emails, use the same structure: begin with context, state the purpose, and wrap it up with the main point. In quick chats, ask something like, “Got five minutes to discuss the project?” instead of assuming the other person has time to dive right in.

With consistent practice, these techniques will become second nature, making your communication smoother and more effective. The result? Less wasted time, fewer misunderstandings, and more productive conversations—whether you’re in a meeting, writing an email, or just catching up in the hallway.

So, next time you’re about to start a conversation, remember: set the stage, say what you want, and keep the focus on what matters. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it becomes to get things done!