How the Standards of Respect Explain How to Move Forward- Part 2: Listen

This is part two of a miniseries I'm contributing to an internal HR communication. For part one, click here.

How the Standards of Respect Explain How to Move Forward??

Part 2: Listen?

“All of humanity's problems stem from [people]'s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” – Blais Pascal?

When I was in high school, my bus stop was a mile from my house. Even though he worked the night shift, my dad would drive me to the bus stop every morning and we’d wait in his pickup truck for the bus to come. And even though I thought I was a cool teenager, and I would listen to my Walkman while we were waiting, my dad just quietly sat there. He could have brought a book, he could have listened to sports radio, he could have turned on his own music, or he could have demanded that I stop what I was doing. But instead, every morning he sat in silence. He wanted to be ready if I decided I had something to say. He felt it was his job to listen and he didn’t want to miss it.

It's our job to listen, too. Not just to our children or family members, but also to ourselves. Last time, we started our path to moving forward by?acknowledging?that we’ve each been impacted by the pandemic in our own ways. The next step is to?listen to how that has manifested itself. What do we like about what’s new? What do we miss about how things were before? What work do we still have left to do?

The problem with listening is that we often don’t do it. Performance artist Marina Abramovi? recognizes?this more than anyone, as Rob Walker describes in “The Art of Noticing.” “In theory, the main event was a performance of Bach’s Goldberg Variations, as played by Igor Levit. But to some extent the real attraction was the prelude. Attendees were required to arrive thirty minutes before the show and sit silently in the venue, wearing noise-canceling headphones. This was a sort of mental palate cleanser.”?

Thirty minutes of silence is simultaneously horrifying and delightful, right? In our always on, always connected world, we’ve lost natural mental palate cleansers. Case in point: When’s the last time you went into the bathroom without your smartphone?

“You’re a bit like a room with a bunch of things in it — some old, some new, some you’re aware of, some you aren’t — but the room is always changing, never exactly the same from week to week." –?Tim Urban

We could find ourselves in an unrecognizable room if we don’t stop and explore what’s in it. We’ll need to be listening for how we’ve been changed by the pandemic, so we can put it into perspective and then do something about it. Maybe we have some unexplored grief, picked up a bad habit or two, or have been caught in a?negative self-talk spiral?for so long we don’t remember any other way. Whatever it is for you, to quote Marcus Aurelius again,?“If you won’t keep track of what your own soul’s doing, how can you not be unhappy?”?

Fortunately, keeping track of our own soul is smack in the middle of the circle of control to which?Diana Avery introduced us. Here are some ways to create more opportunity to listen to yourself:?

• Find a place for your phone to “live”?when you aren’t using it. I bought a wireless charging station for my phone so now I have a default place for it to be.
• Use your?iPhone Screen Time?app or?Android Digital Wellbeing?app to?set app time limits and “do not disturb” hours.?Put?your phone to sleep?in a different room when you go to sleep.?
• Show up to your next [meeting, appointment, event, etc.]?10 minutes early. Just sit there!?
• Do your?next workout?without headphones or the TV on.?
• Quietly complete a repetitive task?– wash the dishes, clean the baseboards (when’s the last time you did?that?), sand an old piece of furniture, channel your inner Daniel-san and go all?wax on, wax off?on your car, etc.
• Go for a walk. Of any length. Bonus points if you can do that in nature (I particularly like the Japanese term shinrin-yoku, or?“forest bathing”).?
• Journal or meditate?– these two activities can feel daunting to try to start so I’ve curated some resources for you. The list was too long to include, so?I’ve posted it here.

In upcoming posts, we’ll talk about how to?communicate?what you’ve heard when listening and?be responsive?to your personal needs. For now, be on the lookout for places where you could add some opportunities to listen and think about something,?one?thing, you might like to try.

Have another listening activity you’d like to share? Something for an upcoming post? Please email me at?[email protected].

Matt

Special thanks to Diana Avery who continues to contribute editing, ideas and resources to this miniseries.

For Part 3, click here.