How an SRE handles anxiety?

Firstly, you might have noticed I am not a Psychologist nor a Psychiatrist. I've never professionally researched human behavior. I am just someone like you, trying to survive in this crazy world, desperately seeking hapiness, and, in the spare time, trying to make other people happy too. That being said, please do not believe in anything I am writing here, these are just my opinions.

I have been working as an SRE/Cloud Architect/Backend Developer for many years. My job requires critical and analytical thinking of everything. Most of (if not all) my daily tasks are related to troubleshooting problems, coming up with one or more solutions, deciding on the most appropriate one, executing it, avoiding that problem to happen again and monitoring results.

Turns out I have a problem solving mindset. I am restless until I fully understand a problem, disecate it, and be sure I have a solution for it. I can go as deep as brushing bits and bytes if I have to.

Well, if I have a formula to solve "any" problem, I can use it all times, right? As a matter of fact, that is what I do unconsciously. I try to reach the origin (the core) of all problems I have. Guess what? If it is not a work problem, all this converges to overthinking.

Let me give you an example, recently my dog crossed the rainbow bridge. I will make a really long story short: it was one of the hardest moments in my life. Almost every night before going to sleep, I caught myselft trying to explain what happened, drawing mind maps in my head, trying to understant causes and consequences. Trying to find a solution and, eventually, peace.

After all, that is how I tackle any problem, right? Although there are many things I do not know how to handle yet. My decision making tree gives me no answer when approaching a life problem.

Most often, I find myself trapped into endless recursive thinking. Angry at myselft because I am not able to understand and explain a problem. Thus, failing at finding a solution becomes shame. All this quickly scalates to a snowball of anxiety.

Today I accept I do not have all the answers. I understand things happen for a reason, and I have to cope with it. Some things have been helping me on this journey, and I believe they are worth sharing.

Peace is an art

No one and nothing will bring you peace. No matter who you talk to or what you buy, being calm and happy is a "self decision" (I know, extremely hard to achieve, yet rewarding).

There is no silver bullet, no shortcut, and no easy way. Achieving peace requires discipline. Just like any art you want to master, for example, a martial art or playing an instrument, getting rid of anxiety demands continuous dedication.

For me, resilience is the key. Most often I try to tackle my problems with different mindsets. I recognize and approach my anxiety from different perspectives. I play with it. Eventually I even have fun when doing it. Some (or many) times it does not work. So, I gather the lessons learned, deal with the disapointment, and move on.

Also, some (or many) times it does work. When it happens, I enjoy the feeling of being complete, being free. Then, I understant this feeling is temporary (nothing is permanent), I gather my thoughts and get ready for the next wave, which I will fight stronger.

Step zero: stop complaining and blaming

From minor to major things. There is nothing good coming from complaining. Do not go that way. It makes you emotional, it disturbs your senses. You will see things that are not there, and you will find the perfect excuse to be anxious (we always do).

Bumped your pinky on the cabinet? No cursing, no blaming the cabinet, yourself or the situation. Also, do not contain the anger nor sweep it bellow your mental carpet (it would create a bigger problem). Face it naturally. You do not have to love it, but do not hate it either. It is just a thing, neither good or bad (getting rid of dichotomy is also a challenge).

Lost your job? Got divorced? Lost a loved one? Believe it or not, your pinky could be your best advisor.

Is it easy? Obviously not. Remember: discipline and resilience.

Your "self" is priceless

There are only two ways to make money: either you are exploited or you exploit someone. It is important to recognize what you are trading.

Your knowledge has a price, which companies pay for (your salary). Your time has a price, products you sell or buy have a price.

Most often teammates, managers, or even "friends" try to subtract from you things that belong only to you by right. It is your choice to give or sell them. Your mental health, for example, does it have a price? Are you aware of the business you are doing? Is it worth? I mean, pleople will try to drive you crazy by threatening you. Let go only things you allow to. I am not saying you should not sell your peace ever. I am saying it is important to be aware of it.

Do not let people invade your "self", do not let them enter your mind. Hold true to your believes, be gentle, but always be one step ahead of mean people. Pretend you play their game, if needed let them think they own you, but never ever get caught off guard.

Consider problems as an opportunity to grow

Let's be honest, nobody likes problems. Guess what? Not liking them will not make them disappear. Loving them will only attract more problems. What now?

Give your problems the attention they deserve. Not more nor less, and calibrate your dimmer over time. Little by little you will approach problems as a stepping stone for your next problem.

Why on earth would I want a "next problem"? It will be there, you wanting it or not, so it's better to be prepared. There is almost nothing as rewarding as overcoming a problem. I know, great achivements make you feel good, good news make you feel happy. Although nothing transforms your more then a problem. Why? Because problems break you, they make you show a facade you did not know you had. Then, you have to reassemble yourself back, and, when you do it, you will never be the same.

Do not run into problems deliberately (unless you feel super duper confident), although when they come to you, hold your ground.

Be wise when picking a mentor

Who is a good mentor for you? A wealthy and successful entrepreneur? A manager who knows exactly how to distill productivity from people? An investor, who knows all the knobs and levers of the market?

Who is (or was) your mentor's mentor? And before them? Advising is a commodity. People tell you what they want you to do or to become. "Do this and you might be as successfull as I am". "Do that and you will get your promotion". "I was lost like you once, now you have the opportunity not to make the same mistakes I've done." Sounds appealing, doesn't it? I know...

Do not let anyone tell you what success is. Never ever measure your success comparing it to your mentor's. Never ever ask yourself: "what my mentor would do in this situation?". Otherwise you will not be thinking with your head.

The world is full of people bearing a "Frankstein of opinions". They collect someone's point of view here, someone else's personality there, and come up with something they call "myself". Most often it is nothing but a bunch of empty buzzwords. It is exteremly rare talking to someone who actually share biasless opinions, who wants to see you free, making your own decisions.

I am not saying having a mentor is bad. Just make sure to fine tune your filters, digest what was told to you with a grain of salt, and do not become another parrot recruiting brainwashed workforce.

Other than that be happy... (Solved! Why haven't I thought about this?)

I still do not have a clear idea of who I want to be, although I am pretty sure who I do not want to be, which I consider a good start.

Do not push yourself too hard, give a break on reading "how to increase your productivity" tutorials and "how to achieve all you want" books.

Remember: the society wants to dig an unfillable hole in your mind. They create and put you in quicksand. The more you struggle in it the faster you will sink.

Try to relax for a change, float to the surface, walk out, and never look back (pull out some people with you if you can).