How to Spot a Liar.
It’s a fact of life people do tell lies, little tiny white lies to keep someone happy and for reasons of pride or great big whoppers for all sorts of gains such as financial, work-related or sexual using the lie to manipulate people to get what they want.
Some liars are pathological or sociopathic and can’t help themselves, they have a mental illness while others are devious, unscrupulous and ruthless in business, and worst of all are the politicians whose job description seems to almost include being a liar! Perhaps they can be excused more than others if their lies are part of a political objective that they believe will be of benefit to their country. However, once you have been branded a liar it's enormously difficult to shake off the stigma so while lying is common to all of us, it is particularly stupid if you are high profile or carry a great deal of responsibility as the results can be devastating if you get caught out.
I think we’d all agree little white lies aren’t bad, they don’t usually do harm but in my job, as a mediator, I find on occasions it's very trying to remain calm when I am 99.9% confident that I have just been told a whopper not a tiny white lie by the person sitting in front of me who is expecting the mediation session to arrive at a solution more in their favour because of their fabrication. Over the years I’ve recognised the signs and feel I can confidently differentiate between nervousness and lies. A liar displays physical symptoms that are obvious; facial expressions such as blinking or refusing to make eye contact, nibbling of the lips, shuffling in the seat or suddenly talking non-stop offering far more information than you’d asked them for.
How do I deal with this? Not head-on, I try to find a route that allows them to offer a different version of their ‘lie’. Head on is far more likely to result in an aggressive response but gentle manoeuvring gets results. The skill of a mediator!
Of course, it’s easier when I am dealing with one party on their own without any colleagues or a legal team, and then I can be more direct. However, no one, not even a liar, likes to be accused of lying so again I have to tread carefully and direct the conversation, so they know I am allowing a route that enables them to change their lie without losing face.
Is lying common in mediations? I’d like to think not, but the trouble is if a liar gets away with it you don’t know because you think they’ve told the truth!