How to speak with those working remotely about their mental health and wellbeing.

Let's face it we are not all naturals at having searching conversations. 

Time to Change compiled from a survey by YouGov that nearly a third of people in England admit that they would feel uncomfortable asking someone close to them about their mental health problem.

We avoid asking because we worry that it would make the other person feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, or we think it’s ‘none of our business’ or we wouldn’t know what to say or we worry the other person wouldn’t want to talk about it with them and maybe we wouldn’t know how to help.

So here are some tips.

Your openings …

You can simply just say 

“how are you?” they may just say I’m fine.

“So really, is everything OK?” The tone when asking this type of question so stay calm as well as your body language, It reassures them that we are really wanting to know rather than going through the motions. Even if someone feels unable to talk at that moment, let them know they you’ll be there to listen when they’re ready.

Let them share as much or as little as they want to. Try and keep your questions open, “ Can you tell me more about how you are at the moment?” Give them time to answer rather than jump in with another questions, I always count up to three in my head. Silences are OK! Try to keep your mind focused on what you asked rather than thinking up the answers. This gives them time to elaborate further if they need to. It also shows you are thinking about what they are saying which will hopefully give them confidence to keep talking.

Let them lead the discussion at their own pace. Avoid putting pressure if they aren’t ready to talk about things. Talking can take a lot of trust and courage. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to about this. Saying things out loud is very powerful and can be quite overwhelming as well as offering a significant release.

Avoid attempting to diagnose or second guess their feelings

You are not expected to be a trained counsellor or medical expert so it is unnecessary to diagnose them . Also avoid trying to provide a solution – unconditional active listening is so powerful. 

Keep questions open ended: what, when, how, who avoid why is this can feel threatening, especially if someone is feeling vulnerable.

Listen carefully to what they tell you

Repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it. “So what your saying is ……..” You don’t have to agree with what they are saying, and you are showing you understand how they feel, you are letting them know you respect their feelings. Repeating something back to somebody is a really good way to reassure them that they have your undivided attention and it can help them understand what they have said by hearing it repeated. You can check to see that you’re hearing what they want you to hear, not putting your own interpretation onto the conversation. 

Offer them help in seeking professional support and provide information on ways to do this. You may already have an employee assistance programme they could call. You might suggest a call to their GP or ask if they have a friend or family member they could talk with. Try not to take control and allow them to make the decisions.

Useful questions you might ask them include:

‘Have you talked to anyone else about this?’

‘Would you like to get some help?’

‘Would you like me to come with you?’

Or, for someone who is reluctant to get help:

‘Do you have someone you trust you can go to?’

‘If it helps, you can talk to me any time.’

Be attentive and try and listen without interrupting too much. Sometimes you could be lost for the ‘right’ words and won’t know what to say so be honest, : I really don’t know what to say right now and I’m so pleased you have shared this with me.”

Know your limits

If you believe they are in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you need to take action to make sure they are safe.

Resources for support recommended by Mental Health First Aid England

Resources for supporting people working remotely.