How to Be Somebody Who “Just Gets It”

They always pay for coffee.

“You just have to meet my friend Rich. You’re going to love him.”

“He just gets it.”

I was talking to a woman named Carole at a summit for young entrepreneurs, and within minutes of meeting her, she had mentioned this mysterious Rich character more than a handful of times.

“I’d love to meet him,” I told Carole.

“Is there anything I should know about him in particular before we chat?”

Carole looked at me, her eyes glistening. She was at a loss for words, but her short sentence said more than any other combination of words could ever reveal.

“He just gets it.”

People who “just get it” are the most fun to be around. They’re the ones you confide in. They’re the ones you seek out for advice. They’re the ones who help without expecting anything in return.

The benefits of being somebody who just gets it are immeasurable. Here’s how you can be more like Rich, who after getting to know him for the last two years, is certainly somebody who “just gets it.”

1. Their Non-Verbal Communication is Alluring

Carole brought me over to Rich a few minutes after mentioning him, and immediately I was struck by intense eye contact and a warm and inviting smile I will never forget. Rich shook my hand firmly with a slight nod of his head as he introduced himself. His eyes never left mine during our first conversation, whether he was speaking or listening.

He did not cross his arms, look past me, or put a finger up to my mouth to go speak to somebody more important. He stood right in front of me with his shoulders high, his chest out, and his hands moving to add emphasis to the words he was saying.

People who just get it don’t just rely on their words to make others feel confident and comfortable. They use their entire being. They use every gift they have been given to communicate a message of safety, encouragement, and full presence.

2. They Use Your Story to Share More of Theirs

Still in that same first conversation we were having, I remember Rich asking me so many questions about my life. He asked me about my journey up to this point. He asked me what I was currently doing. He asked me about my dreams and aspirations for the future.

After listening intently to what I had to say, he began to share more about himself. But he didn’t just share and disregard everything that I had mentioned. Rather, each part of his story aligned with mine.

He’d use phrases like, “much like you I…” or “A little different than you did on your path, I decided to…”

Part of just getting it is about the inclusion of others. It’s about consistently placing the emphasis on people other than yourself. When talking about yourself and your story, this can be difficult to do. But the way Rich weaved in parts of my story to share his own made me feel like we were so much more similar than we were different.

3. They’re Almost Too Modest

Rich is in his 50’s, and he has lived a few different lives at this point. He casually mentioned that after business school, he went into brand marketing, and he worked on some pretty cool projects. That was it.

After a quick LinkedIn search, I found out that not only did Rich go to business school, but he went to Wharton, one of the most prestigious schools in the world. Also, Rich didn’t just work on some pretty cool projects, but rather, he was the mastermind behind awe-inspiring brand campaigns of multi-billion-dollar brands like Planter’s Peanuts, Godiva Chocolate, and Nabisco.

In order to be somebody who just gets it, you don’t necessarily need impressive experiences like this. But what you do need is a way to share about your life without seeming overly braggadocios or self-serving.

4. They Surprise You with Their Knowledge of You

Rich and I met again two weeks after the summit, and I was expecting us to have a similar conversation, especially given how many people he probably met that weekend. But actually, it was quite the opposite. Rich recalled everything about me from our first chat, and he even mentioned some more insights based on other people he chatted with to whom he mentioned my name.

The theme here is recurring. People who just get it care deeply about their relational capital. They invest so much time and energy into learning and remembering what they discover about the people who come into their lives.

5. They Always Pay for Coffee

I have been with Rich in-person upwards of fifteen times since meeting, and every single time he offers to pay for coffee or food. He knows that the idea and the gift of what this gesture shows provides such greater value for our relationship than the monetary value he losses on the drink or lunch.

Even if I don’t let him pay sometimes, it’s just nice to know that he’s going to offer. It’s considerate. It builds trust and it shows that he really cares.

6. They Make Time for You No Matter What

An unexpected challenge came up in my business, and I had no idea how to handle it. I texted Rich, and he immediately responded that he was headed on stage to give a talk. An hour later I received a call.

“I slipped away for a bit to see if everything was okay. What’s going on? How can I be helpful?”

It’s difficult to be everything for everyone. But people who just get it really are. And it’s not necessarily in this big superhero kind of way we might expect. Rich didn’t show up at my door and fix my problems immediately. But he showed up. He made time. He prioritized what mattered most to him.

7. They Have the Right to an Opinion, But Know Their Opinion Isn’t Necessarily Right

I am all in favor of allowing people to make their own decisions. But sometimes, there are certain scenarios where I just want somebody to choose for me. One such scenario was my last book cover. I called Rich and asked him which one he liked best. He chose one as the hand’s down winner, but he made sure to mention that it was only one opinion.

It is too common for people to see their opinions as facts. They don’t understand how others can see things differently. But people who just get it don’t always have to be right. They are eager and willing to share their opinions, but they are fully aware that opinions do not imply correctness.

8. They Diversify Your Thought Patterns

I talk to Rich weekly, and most often we talk about my personal brand. Rich now helps individuals create their personal brand using just one word.

Our conversations are centered around business and strategy, but I am always refreshed when he asks me what I think of our current political climate. He asks me what people in my network are saying about social and economic issues. He’ll ask me what’s going on in my personal life.

The world is important to people who get it. They like to be actively informed by the thoughts and opinions of people around them.

9. They Don’t Hide Things about Themselves

For the sake of privacy, I will not be sharing any of Rich’s deepest darkest secrets, but I know so much about his life, and he is not afraid to share with me his beliefs or feelings in an extremely candid and appropriate manner.

People who get it know that nothing is one-sided. Conversations, relationships, perspectives. There is mutual involvement in everything we do.

10. Their Only Worry is if They Could be Doing More

“I just wish I could do more.” I’ve heard Rich use this phrase a lot when it comes to the world and the people he helps within it. He has a great concern for society and his main goal is to be a contributor in any way possible.

Leaving things better than they found it should be the motto for people who truly get it. If you can make a small impact that leaves something or someone better than you found it, then you are doing your part.

11. They Don’t Just Act Like This for You

It’s difficult for me to know if Rich is someone who just gets it when he is around me or if this is who he really is all the time. But I have heard story after story about how Rich has truly changed other people’s lives in the simplest of ways. He’s asked the right question, been there at the right time, or offered the right idea.

People who get it never act out of character for the highest or lowest people with which they encounter. They are constantly on, but they don’t try too hard to be, because this is just who they are.

One Thing You Must Know

If you want to be somebody who truly gets it, then the message is clear and simple.

Do the right thing.

Love other people. Cherish what you bring to this world. Be invested in things other than yourself. If Rich has taught me one thing more than anything, it’s this.

When you focus on one person at a time, then you can change one world at a time, and in turn, you can slowly but surely change the whole entire world.

The story above is an example of personal development through creative storytelling, which I create through a platform called ‘imagitivetation’. For more creative stories that can help you change your life, join me here.