How to Solve the Loneliness Crisis in the Workplace

When I moved to New York City from Boston five years ago, I thought it would be easy to make friends and be part of a community with over 8.6 million residents. Yet, as I walked the streets, took the subway and co-worked, I felt very isolated and lonely. I was around so many people, yet no one at the same time because they were physically around me but not mentally, emotionally or spiritually. It's like New Yorkers have imaginary bubbles surrounding them at all times as they focus on their agenda and ignore everything and everyone else. They look down at their phone, or straight ahead, without caring about what's to the left or right of them. While it may be easy for them to say "hello" to a stranger on the street, they would rather not have their day interrupted and thus miss the hundreds of chances each day to have social interactions. A photo collection by Luc Kordas captured in the Huffington Post captures this feeling of loneliness in New York City perfectly.

Loneliness is a topic I've studied over the past few years while researching for my book, Back to Human, because it contributes to our global mental health crisis and affects everyone whether you're lonely or know someone who might be. Loneliness is a silent killer because people feel it but don't openly talk about it because of the stigma. The feeling of being lonely has always existed, but it has since been exacerbated based on multiple trends happening simultaneously.

First, we as a society have placed individualism over community. I remember being in an Uber in Los Angeles and the driver said that the reason why there are so many homeless people, and violence, is because there's a lack of community. Writing in the New York Times, social scientist Arthur C. Brooks explained that "Too many Americans don't have a place they think of as home - a "thick" community in which people know and look out for one another and invest in relationships that are not transient.” One of the communities that have been most sacred in our culture is religion, yet fewer Catholics are attending church these days. We feel lonely without a community because we have no one to rely on during hardships.

Second, more people are living alone than ever before. Today, 28 percent of Americans live alone compared to 23 percent in 1980 and only 13 percent in 1960. Additionally, the percentage of children raised by a single parent or no parent has doubled from 15 percent to 31 percent. This trend is tied to the fact that fewer people are getting married and having children, thus decreasing household size. At the time time, the number of driver licenses has declined, from 80 percent in 1983 to only 62 percent in 2017. Smaller families with fewer drivers licenses mean less mobility and more loneliness. New technologies have expedited this trend because now people are spending more time alone at home connecting to others through text and instant messaging over actually meeting in person. Eventually, when virtual reality has mass appeal and adoption, that will give people even more of a reason to isolate themselves, further shrinking families and the need to drive.

Third, we turn to devices instead of faces. Instead of phone calls and in-person meetings, we would rather text or send instant messages to people. People succumb to the addition and convenience of these technologies that they use as a crutch to real human interaction, leaving them lonelier and with weak ties instead of strong bonds. This trend is going to become an even bigger problem in the future too. When teenagers were asked to select their favorite communication method, they selected texting (35 percent) over in-person interactions (32 percent). Based on several studies I've led over the years, this generation is the first ever to favor technology over face-to-face communication and will lead to further isolation and loneliness as they age. In the workplace, technology reliance and addiction have decreased the number of conversations between teammates. In the 1970s we talked to our co-workers an average of 2.5 hours each week, compared to under an hour in 2012.

To truly understand the loneliness epidemic, I spoke to Vivek Murthy, the former U.S. Surgeon General, who told me "We live in the most technologically connected age in the history of civilization, yet rates of loneliness are increasing." When I interviewed a hundred leaders for my book, they said that technology is a "double-edged sword", meaning that while we can connect with people in new ways, oftentimes we do it in solidarity and without meaning or purpose. Murthy went on to tell me that loneliness is associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. It also poses a greater threat than obesity and increases the risk of depression and anxiety. It's been three years since I spoke to Murthy and the loneliness epidemic continues to be widespread in America. Cigna's third annual loneliness report found that 61 percent of us are lonely, which is up from 54 percent in 2018.

Loneliness has spread far beyond America impacting people in many different countries including the UK, which elected Mims Davies as the Minister of Loneliness to solve the problem. The situation is so dire in the UK, that doctors are now able to prescribe social activities to patients as an alternative to medicine. Additionally, a police department in southwest England has posted signs designating some public seating as "chat benches" with signs that read "The 'Happy to Chat' Bench" in order to encourage socialization in a culture where nine million brits are lonely. Medical experts in Australia were inspired by the UK's appointment of Davies and are pushing for a Minister of Loneliness based on reports that about 1.8 million Aussies are suffering from loneliness. In Japan, it's estimated that 30,000 people die from loneliness each year. The term for Japanese citizens who die alone, and are undiscovered for periods after death is kodokushi. The loneliness epidemic continues to plague Japan now that six million elderly citizens live alone.

Loneliness should concern all of us in the workplace as well. AARP estimates that it costs U.S. companies about $7 billion annually in lost productivity. When employees are lonely their quality of work declines, they miss work due to illness, they lack meaningful relationships with their co-workers and are much more likely to quit their jobs. For instance, Cigna found that on an average month, lonely workers think about quitting their job more than twice as often as those who aren't lonely. This isn't just true for employees, CEOs suffer just as much if not more. It's true when they say "it's lonely at the top". About half of CEOs report that they are lonely because they feel like they have no one to talk about their challenges and 60 percent say it's hindered their job performance. Loneliness doesn't just cost companies money, but it lowers their profitability by 16 percent! While it's obvious that loneliness is a problem, we aren't proactively trying to solve it. The good news is that small daily gestures, when compounded, can make a big difference in helping your teammates feel like they belong.

Like many of you, I was taught to "not talk to strangers" in my childhood. While our parents said this with the intent to protect us from harm, it also closed us off from freeing ourselves, and others, of their loneliness. A few years ago psychologists Elizabeth Dunn and Gilliam M. Sandstrom wanted to make the connection between talking to strangers and our mood. For their experiment, they asked participants to enter a coffee shop and told half to strike a conversation with the cashier and the other half not to. To no surprise, those that had that quick conversation with the cashier left the shop in a much better mood and a deeper connection to their community. Random conversations in our life can benefit everyone yet we aren't having enough of them. The easiest way to make people feel less lonely at work is to acknowledge their existence by giving them a compliment or just saying "hello".

Vivek Raval, the Director of People Growth at Facebook, considers these gestures "authentic moments of delight". He likes going for walks to get coffee or using humor to keep the mood light with his teammates. "These little moments can go a long way in not only motivating team members but also keeping myself sane and productive," says Raval. The way Intel Program Manager Stephanie Busch does this is by greeting each teammate as they arrive or leave work. She also asks them quick questions and talks about their daily and long-term strategic priorities which make them feel more connected to their work. "Most days, the whole team will eat together in the cafeteria. This gives us the chance to get to know more about each other as people and not job roles," Busch explained to me. Both Raval and Busch are leaders who understand that they are responsible for encouraging social interactions if they want a team that's engaged, productive and happy.

As working professionals, we need to be accountable for adding socialization into our calendars. If we live and die by our calendars, then we need to intentionally add blocks of time for calls, coffee dates, lunches and casual meetings with the people we work with. We need to use technology as a bridge to a human connection instead of a crutch. I encourage you to join employee resource groups, recruit teammates for a sports league, have team dinners or participate in a team-building exercise. People want to bring their full selves to work, especially in today's work culture where work and life are so blended. In an age where we are depending more and more on technology, we cannot forget about our humanity.

The next time you witness a colleague that is lonely, go up to them and just say "hi". One word can make all the difference in someone's day and you can start today!

Subscribe to the Promote Yourself Newsletter for more workplace trends, news, research, advice, interviews and book recommendations.