How to Show Warmth When You're Working Virtually

Most of us have come to appreciate (or at least tolerate) working virtually. It makes setting up meetings simpler, decreases commuting time, allows for more flexibility, and levels the playing field for team members who were already working virtually with nonvirtual colleagues.

But for all its benefits, one thing that working online doesn't make easier is projecting warmth. It can be challenging to come across as sociable, happy, agreeable, or even playful in a flat, two-dimensional video environment.

That's a real problem. Warmth is often the first trait that people perceive about us, and on the basis of that initial reading -- whether we like it or not -- people decide whether our intentions are positive or negative. In fact, warmth is considered more important and more influential than competence -- our ability to do the job.

And while the people with whom we work may forgive us for mistakes like providing the wrong deck for a client pitch or making a calculation error, studies show that "a single instance of negative-warmth behavior is likely to irredeemably categorize the perpetrator as a cold person."

So, what does that mean? It means that your account executive who gets things done but has a brusque tone with clients over Zoom is costing your company credibility. It means that your finance lead who is brilliant at the money aspects of her job but who is described as having an "edge" that makes her colleagues avoid bringing up hard topics, is putting you at risk. It means that the salesperson whose numbers are great but who freezes out junior staff who call him for advice, is blocking your talent pipeline.

Here are five things you can do to bring more warmth to your interactions:

1. Smile. 

Smiling has positive visual, audible, and behavioral impacts. When your colleagues see you smile, they are likely to interpret it as friendliness, happiness, or agreeableness. But they can also hear you smile. According to emotion researcher Ursula Hess, smiles sound "bright" because of how the change in shape of our mouth impacts our voice modulation. But wait -- there's more! Because of behavioral social mimicry -- or mirroring -- your colleagues are likely to copy your smile. And when people mirror one another, they tend to feel more positively about the interaction, and about you personally.

2. Put your cellphone away.

Putting your cellphone face down on your desk is not "away." You want to remove your cellphone from your sight line when you're having a conversation (yes, even a virtual one). Studies show that the visible presence of a cellphone reduces empathy and trust. And since empathy and trust are key ingredients in feelings of warmth and connection between people, consider how your technology may be a barrier more than a bridge. In addition, you should turn off audible or visual electronic notifications, close your door (if you have one), and say the following: "You have my complete attention." Giving someone your total focus -- even for a limited time -- is a way to build a warm connection.

3. Increase the number of casual conversations you have.

This could be as simple as IM'ing a co-worker to ask, "Hey, any new recipes to share?" or picking up the phone and saying, "I was watching the news and it made me sad. Just wanted to see how you're feeling." And, of course, being warm also means being understanding and generous if this isn't a good time for the other person.

4. Avoid sarcasm. 

Sarcasm is a mismatch between vocal, verbal, and visual messages -- and in a virtual environment, that can be especially tricky. An unwanted side effect of the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) aggression embedded in sarcastic wit is feelings of distance, hurt, and even anger. Research shows that "sarcasm can come across as rude, flippant, and offensive -- not a great way to endear oneself to colleagues." Save the sarcasm for in-person interactions (if at all). Replace it with genuine humor. Laughter is contagious, and releases both endorphins and dopamine, creating feelings of pleasure and even euphoria.

5. Share your own challenges with your colleagues.

Leaders are often torn between demonstrating credibility or vulnerability. But if your goal is to be warm, lean into vulnerability. By speaking openly about what you're wrestling with -- that working from home is harder than you thought, that you're worried about potential layoffs, that you live with someone who is immuno-compromised -- you are more likely to engender connection, trust, and empathy.

Working in a virtual environment can be convenient but isolating. By demonstrating warmth, you're likely to help create a connection that's meaningful both professionally and personally.

Originally posted on Inc

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a coach, speaker and author focused on presentation, communication and leadership skills. She is the CEO and Chief Communication Coach for Talk Support, and the Director of Learning for The Boda Group. She teaches Management Communication at Wharton and Executive Communication at the Beijing International MBA Program at Peking University, China. She is the proud author of the Udemy microlearning course, Smart Tips: Communication, which helps professionals at all levels build presentation skills, feedback skills, conflict management skills, and more. author of "Tips of the Tongue: The Nonnative English Speaker's Guide to Mastering Public Speaking" for global leaders who need to master the confidence, competence and cultural comfort of making presentations. She lives in New York with her husband, kids, and rescue dog, Nash, who loves her best.