How to show some sass

Dear reader,

In our family of three, I rank first in sass quotient.

Let me explain. That’s a family joke. Everyone knows I rank third.

But, I whine to them, “What’s sassier than being third and bragging about being first?”

“Incorrect opinion,” my son will reply. And I have to admit, the debate is over.

What am I? Spunky? Gritty? There’s something about sass that I want more of.

Even though it meets with social disapproval. And why is that?

***

I’ve felt guilt and shame at times for situations that Bob Dylan might describe as involving “a little too much force.”

She was married when we first met

Soon to be divorced

I helped her out of a jam I guess

But I used a little too much force?

– Bob Dylan, “Tangled Up in Blue” (1975)

As a professional with dealings in multiple meta-verses outside of the one in which I’m writing this, I’ve terminated or altered significantly four different contracts in the last couple months.

In two, the contracts focused on mutually beneficial work. Resolving the “jam” in the situation consisted of a series of appreciative phone calls about how we could best work together going forward.

In the third, the jam was resolved by a clause in the contract agreed upon by both parties in advance. It took a brief phone call to activate.

Some readers who have experience with being laid off will recognize outlines of the fourth. I had received a one-time payment, which I sorely needed at that time, in exchange for several things. One was my freedom of speech on a topic that covered a huge portion of my life. It was in effect in perpetuity, with no clause available to do anything different.

Do I need to explain how giving up freedom of speech is antithetical to a writer? I’m committed to writing in this space about the most useful stories and lessons I can think of. I’m committed to offering useful, humble, honest conversations on our forthcoming podcast.

And I attempted several such conversations with the other party to this contract. However, while I had entered into the contract at a fixed price, the price I was paying continued to increase through unsavory behavior I continued to receive.

In the act of altering these four contracts, can you guess which one brought out the sass in me?

If you guessed the fourth one, you win the prize—a photo of two sassy-pants.

Sometimes when you’re being pressured to do something, or continue to do something, that goes against your wellbeing, you need a little energy to break the shackles. (Googly eyes also help .) Dogs being trained to unlearn learned helplessness had to be pulled hard .

How much guilt and shame do we accept from using “a little too much force” to get out of a jam?

***

We’ve been fascinated by the ice on the Pond Brook and Green River here.

The ice has gotten feet thick in places with the cold weather. It often caps off the brook completely. You can walk up it in most places, often hearing only a light gurgling from underneath.

Then we got rain. The watering flowing in the brook rose above the ice.

In places, whole sections of ice were carried downstream. But in many places the water found the hole in its ice roof and flowed over the ice.

Then the rain stopped, the high water ebbed and back went down under or below the ice level.

But the time of the flowing water mingling with the ice is now documented in nature-made ice sculptures all up and down the brook and river. For a couple hours on Sunday we explored these fingerprints of a river’s sass.

Look at it this way. Who does it serve to shame people when they break through whatever glass ceiling they’ve been squeezed under?

It serves the status quo.

It serves the jam.

This shame puts fear in the hearts of people who would break themselves out of jams or up through glass ceilings.

The idea that there's a perfectly calibrated amount of force necessary to break yourself out of a jam is a fallacy that keeps you in the jam.

Humans have beating hearts and breathing lungs and bodies with rhythm and movement. We are not physically capable of applying a consistent amount of force to any situation.

Only robots can do that. Come to think of it, that’s part of what makes robots scary to us!

This fallacy keeps you controlled by the people who want you to be jammed. And don’t we all have a few people in our lives who feel more comfortable with us being in a certain place, and not outgrowing that?

It’s crazy how Trump calls Joe Rogan “weak” for apologizing. It’s beyond unfortunate that a man with that much power mistakes humility for weakness. I say, stay humble and make no apology for apologies, and no apology for sass.

I might look silly and laugh at myself 211 times a day, but I make no apology for growing.

***

How many times have you closed the bedroom door on your sleeping partner and winced at applying a bit more force than you intended?

The door into our woodshop is an antique mortise lockset that I reused. To get it to latch properly you have to kind of slam the door and shake it at the same time. People who live in old houses will know what I mean. It’s impossible to close it without feeling like you did it too hard. Our current houseguests were too polite with it, didn’t slam it, and it stayed open all night last night. You’ve got to close that door with some spunk.

Some other people I admire who, in some people’s eyes, used “a little too much force,” are Julia Butterfly Hill, Colin Kaepernick and Edward Snowden.

Readers, where do you feel like showing some sass? Or whatever you want to call it?

I became obsessed with “Blood on the Tracks” sometime in high school. Sometimes I imagine Bob Dylan himself is reading this. If he were, I would say this—you’ve already written about how man gave names to all of the animals . Now men and women like you also are giving sanctuary and voice to animals. I appreciate you and I hope someday we’ll talk again.

Sassily,

Tristan

Quill Nook Farm

. . . You can find the original article below . . .

If you liked this article and want to read more of my writing visit my blog?This Spot on Earth , and show support on my?Patreon . Thank you for reading!