HOW TO SHIFT
How is your current psychology? Are you happy? Or thoughtful, sad, confused and isolated? If your feelings are happy and balanced, that's good. But if you have sad feelings and you are in the middle of darkness, this article might help you to shift. Because life is not always rosy and stable, we have many ups and downs. Sometimes our happiness does not only depend on us. One word, one action, one reference might change our mood.
Time to time we all have problems in this life. Change is not that easy, because every single thing in our life raises our personality. Change is hurtful. I remember when I was doing ballet, only my passion for this art was taking away my hurts in my body. When you love something, you ignore the hurt. I understood that at a very early age. Hurt is always there, but you can handle it with love.
However, some hurts are hard to handle, like abandonment, rejection, loss, misunderstanding and uncertainty in your life. These feelings might paralyze your life for a long time. You might feel you are in the middle of nowhere, hopeless, not knowing what to do.
When I feel like that, my first reaction is always to escape to my inner world. That inner world is not a super wonder world by the way. Sometimes it has many many cloudy days. When I go there, I write the longest book in my mind for hours or days in this dark sky world. I try to understand what kind of mistake I did, then I start explaining myself to myself.
Yesterday I was talking with one of my friends who needed my advice. She had problems with one of her friends and asked me what to do. I told her “You know, personally I really don't like explaining myself to people who don't deserve it. But if you really love her and give value to your friendship with this person, let you explain it, let you tell one more time what happened and what you think.”
Misunderstanding is the biggest fear in my heart, because as a very humanist person, I really don't like to create a false image in people's mind, especially the people I love. If I know them or I just met them, I still care for any person to know me as my real self. However, sometimes, especially when you care some people too much, we do all the worse mistakes one after the other. As the old saying goes, ? familiarity breeds contempt ?. The more acquainted one becomes with a person, the more one knows about his or her shortcomings and, hence, the easier it is to dislike that person. This creates the fastest rejection.
When someone rejects you, you first blame yourself. You wish to take time back and fix all your impatient actions. Rejection is one of the darkest feeling that can cause you to paralyze in your life. That's why I wanted to give you this example, because these feelings lead you to give more value to someone else than to your own self!
The moment you start thinking regretfully, you will start drawing away from your own self respect, self love and self confidence. People feel rejected when their friends push them away, family members don't care, they can't find a job, lose their job, fail in interviews, even if some stranger bullies them, or they are simply abandoned by a loved one.
Sometimes you cannot chew some events, you have to learn how to swallow them. To be honest, as a former publication director, sometimes I didn't hire some candidates, because they were over qualified for this job. I knew they can make better than that! That's why I didn't hire them, I wanted them to find the correct position for their selves.
Maybe mistakenly I lead some people to think they are not valuable. I remember once I decided not to stay in the cyber world and I closed all my social media accounts for nearly four years without giving any notification to my friends. I gave my close friends a big deal of sorrow without any bad intention. Four years later when I came back, I wrote a message to one of my very close friends, she said “I really thought you died! I just came out from mourning.” I didn't know how much I hurt her. However, I loved her answer, because she never thought my action was against her! I adored her self confidence.
Now I will return to "how to shift". The first step for shifting is, you have to free yourself from regrets. Trust me, as I gave you some examples up there, nothing is about you. You don't have to regret. The moment you free your mind from these dark remorseful and rueful regrets, you will gain self confidence and your mind will start shifting.
You cannot fix what happened, but you can fix what will happen! Your heart will continue to bleed because you might have wanted that job, this person, that friend and so on, but you should stop dreaming. When you want something so much, you abandon your self love in the darkness!
You have three tools in your hand; you cannot change the past, this event happened maybe because of your wrong actions but the event is not your own decision and you cannot fix it anymore!
Now take a deep breath! Calm down and think clearly. Whatever you will do after that won't change the past. That's why you shouldn't think anymore about this subject. I hate the word “move on”, because this phrase leads you to close all the doors and make you feel worse. I believe, before burning all the bridges, you have to think one more time. Because you don't know what is going on at the other side of the bridge.
As I was gone for four years, none of my friends got mad with me. None of them burned the bridges. They kept it safe and when I came back, I had still a bridge to walk, a door to enter in. Even if I give you this advice, I am the most impatient person in this world. Because I blame myself in my daily life. If something happened, I always blamed my own insanity! But at least I know my mistake, some people act unconsciously. The moment you act unconsciously, you will not have a chance to shift!
If you don't explain your own actions to your own self, you will remain in the darkness and continue to do the same mistakes.
When you are in depression, you feel all the doors are closed. Actually, you are the one burning all the bridges and closing all the doors. Accept that! I know your breath is very shallow, your heart beats strangely, you cannot eat, cannot sleep even you cannot drink water. When you are in the dark, your soul starts torturing your own body!
Come out my friend. Where you are staying is not safe! Don't allow your soul to torture you. Because your soul needs to love you. Teach yourself to love yourself again. Do not wait from out of the world to give you value. In the end, if you don't value yourself, the world will not give you any value either!
Come out and love yourself. Do something you love. For a while go somewhere, nice and cozy, connect with nature. Read a book which can make you feel relax. Listen to a soothing song. Sit and write something beautiful about yourself. Say, how wonderful you are. Say, this is not your fault. Say, you deserve better than this!
And remind yourself that, a person loves you one day, might leave you someday, but you should never leave yourself behind! The last thing I can tell you is the life motto I have been using for the last 30 years :
We all have difficulties in this world. But the most important is to stay and fight.
Victoria Toumit