How setting boundaries can transform your second language

Hello, welcome to edition 7 of Grounded in English. Every month I write about strategies or thoughts on how to make your life easier and to enable you to grow your confidence in your second language. Although most of my clients are second-language English speakers, today's edition works for any second language.

So this month's theme is all about boundaries. First of all, what do I mean when I say boundaries? In this context, I'm talking about a personal conceptual limit you put between yourself and another person. I would also add that you can set certain boundaries for yourself that don't necessarily need input from another person.

There are different types of boundaries; personal, physical, emotional, professional, material, time etc.

Why is setting boundaries important for second-language speakers?

In my journey as a second-language Spanish speaker, setting certain boundaries for myself and others transformed the way:

1) I felt about my Spanish and therefore my confidence

2) I interacted with others in Spanish

3) my relationships worked in Spanish

I remember being on holiday with my partner and his family, we were speaking in Spanish the whole time and it would get to a certain point in the evening and my brain would just stop working. It was like it went to sleep. The issue was it felt like there was a change in my mood and the response was to encourage me into the conversation. In itself, that response was a really kind one and very receptive to the change my partner was seeing in me. The reality was I found that even more exhausting and I began to feel pressurised to contribute when my energy was not allowing me to communicate in the way I wanted to.

We had a conversation about it and this was the process:

• I explained my situation and the feelings I had
• I listened to my partner and the feelings they had
• I explained what I wanted to happen in future instances and why it was important
• We agreed to try the solution and reflect on whether it worked or not

Long story short, yes it worked, yes it was a success and as a result my ability to manage those situations was better and my general confidence in speaking Spanish for prolonged periods of time improved.

What does this mean for you?

Setting our own boundaries in our second language gives us control over how we communicate and how we receive information in our second language. Having clear boundaries for our work and personal life can make a huge difference to our well-being, our relationships, our performance at work, our ability to socialise and build connections etc. in our second language. Having boundaries is key.

Here are a few examples of potential boundaries we might want to think about setting in the workplace with others:

• Putting in the practice of a summary of information at the end of meetings to help our understanding
• Asking for 1:1 meetings or development meetings when we have the most energy
• Specifically explaining how we would like to be corrected and when
• Outline clearly how we want to receive feedback
• Explain cultural boundaries that should be understood
• Create supportive networks for those who can support your second-language progress
• Allowing specific time for language progression and making your team aware of those moments

There are also examples of how we can set personal boundaries for ourselves:

• Your work-life balance is important, if you are working and living in your second language, you are in a constant state of exhaustion from the mental load. Give yourself balance and set scheduled breaks.
• What things can you be in control of? If the language is a challenge, think about the areas of work you can make easier. Is it your workspace? Is it your schedule? Find the things you can have control over and make them work for you.
• Create a learning boundary. You don't need to be learning all the time. Have moments where you are enjoying communicating rather than focusing on progressing.
• Be mindful of your social battery. You don't need to attend everything. Figure out your limit and stick to it!

How do we set boundaries?

Boundaries can be difficult to set, especially if we are not used to setting them. The first few times setting boundaries will feel uncomfortable. Don't panic if it feels hard. It will get easier, I promise. Here are a few things to consider when setting boundaries:

1. First, understand what the boundary is you want to set and why. Why is this boundary important to you and what is the result you are hoping to get from it?
2. Once you have completed the first step. Now take the time to develop how you are going to communicate this boundary. We often fail at setting boundaries because we don't know how to communicate them effectively. This step will set you up well for communicating the boundary.When thinking about this, try to use "I" statements. This brings the focus on you and your needs and can avoid others feeling defensive if they feel they are the problem because you have used "you" statements. E.g. "I feel overwhelmed when this happens so it would be helpful if I could do this" rather than "You make me feel overwhelmed so can you do this"
3. If the boundary requires a conversation with another person, prepare for that conversation. Think of what potential responses you might get and try to prepare for them.
4. During the conversation, listen to what the other person is saying. Understand their perspective. The aim of the conversation should be to get to a point where both parts of the conversation are happy with the outcome.

And after the boundary has been set?

There may be times when your boundaries are crossed. Don't panic when this happens, this is a common occurrence and isn't an indication of someone not agreeing with your boundary, but more often than not, it is someone forgetting. Be prepared to reassert the boundary.

Be consistent in your response to a boundary being crossed and remind the other person why it is important. People need information repeated in order for it to become a habit.

Conclusion

I really believe that setting healthy boundaries can help us progress in our second language. Boundaries give us the time and space needed to progress in the way we would like to. They protect our energy and outputs so we can develop in the ways we want to. Start implementing boundaries in relation to your second language and see the change in your confidence and the development of your progress!

Let me know if you implement anything from this month's newsletter. I'd love to hear!