How to Set Personal Boundaries

In life, it is important to establish strong personal boundaries in order to develop positive self-esteem. These boundaries allow us to show others how we value our own beings and refuse to let them define us.

What are Personal Boundaries?

They are the physical, mental and emotional limits we set to safeguard our beings against possible manipulation or attacks by people, who may or may not have our best interest in mind. The boundaries allow all of us to know what type of people we are, and how we feel and think without the influence of other people. When these boundaries are set correctly, they help us live our lives in our own unique fashion while we provide others the same respect.

We could not participate in satisfying relationships without first setting these personal boundaries or conversing with others in a direct and truthful manner. We need to realize that each person has unique needs, preferences and feelings for his or her life. This goes for our friends, acquaintances and family members, including spouses and children.

When we establish effective personal boundaries, we accept responsibility for our actions, protect our integrity, and take charge of our lives. Are you wondering how you can set strong personal boundaries in your life? Read on to discover the answer.

You need to understand first that you have every right to set whatever healthy personal boundaries you desire in your life. In addition, you are in control of the way other people treat you each day. The boundaries you set filter out what is not acceptable and let in only those things that have a positive effect on your life.

When you fail to establish the proper boundaries, you wind up judging your self-worth from the opinions of other people. The simple way to avoid this issue is to establish precise and clear limits, and make other people respect them. Be willing to go the distance to enact your boundaries! Statistics show that people who fail to establish strong boundaries tend to ignore those set by other people.

Realize that the feelings, preferences and needs of others do not come before your own. Traditionally, women have been in the role of placing the needs of their family before their own. Since this is untrue in reality, it can lead to disharmony in the family unit.

When women drive themselves to the point of mental and physical exhaustion by placing everyone before their own needs, they can ruin their health and wellbeing, which could also deprive their families of their attention. In place of this thinking, women need to require the other members of the family to help out so they can have the time to take care of themselves along with their families. Women are not the only ones who put others first, though, as a number of men also have this trait.

You must know how to say "no" and mean it. Yes, we know that you are one of the numerous people who love to please others even at your own peril. We understand that you do not want to be considered self-centered and this is why you place your needs after the needs of others, even when it is not ideal for your own wellbeing. The fact is that a bit of selfishness is a prerequisite when establishing effective personal boundaries. You will not benefit others if you provide them favors at the expense of your own health. They will only become dependent on you and upset when you wind up out of commission with exhaustion.

Decide which behaviors and actions you consider unacceptable. Inform other people when they treat you with disrespect, act inappropriately, or cross the line in any manner. Do not hesitate to inform others if you require space physically and mentally. Be yourself at all times without letting others pressure you into their way of thinking or acting. Understand the lengths you may have to go when others disrespect your boundaries.

Have confidence in your own judgment. You are the only expert on your needs, preferences and desires. You understand yourself better than anyone else does throughout your life. Do not ever allow others to decide what is right for you. You will respect your own uniqueness, abilities and strengths when you set strong boundaries. You also will respect other people's boundaries at the same time. You create an unhealthy lifestyle when you decide to be a victim by encouraging others to be overly needy.

Signs of Ineffective Personal Boundaries

• Overly giving just to be the one giving
• Acting against your better judgment just to please those around you
• Taking from others so you are a receiver not a giver
• Allowing the opinions of other people to define you as a person
• Expecting other people automatically to fulfill your needs
• You feel guilty when you tell people "no"
• You fail to speak up for yourself when people treat you badly
• Becoming unglued just so others can care for you
• Falling in love with a person you hardly know or just because he or she asks you for help
• Accepting sexual or physical advances even when you do not desire them
• Touching others physically without their permission

When you set effective personal boundaries, you act in the following ways:

• You will be in tune with reality on a higher level
• You will have a healthy self-image and increased self-confidence
• You will communicate on a deeper level with other people
• Your relationships will be more fulfilling
• You will maintain control over your life, which will provide you with stability

Do not delay. Set your strong personal boundaries today.

Gregg Swanson is a peak performance consultant and human potential coach and has authored several books and numerous articles on peak performance. Gregg specializes in developing mental strength in individuals that desire to reach their full potential. He has developed a unique online training program “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.” You can also pick up your free eBook,” Why Change is So Hard” by going HERE.