How to set healthy boundaries and not feel guilty

When it comes to your mental health and personal well-being, you have every right to want to have your own space and peace and even create your own personal (healthy) boundaries. Emphasis on HEALTHY, because, there is a thin line between loose and rigid.

Boundaries are limits and expectations we set for ourselves and others. This helps to teach people how to behave around us, what to expect; what is acceptable and what isn't.

You could set boundaries between friends, family, colleagues, and even your partner. Some people may resist or live in denial of your boundaries, it is up to you to uphold them. There is nothing wrong with it, and you are not being selfish because it is the foundation of healthy relationships.

The most crucial part of setting healthy boundaries is being kind and compassionate to yourself.

The most crucial part of setting healthy boundaries is being kind and compassionate to yourself. Do not make the mistake of setting your boundaries when you're in an emotional state, ensure you do it when you're in a stable mind frame. Even if you suddenly come to the realization that "this boundary must be set now!", take your time to cool off, before jumping into it.

Boundaries are not meant to keep you in isolation. If the ones you have already set are leaving you in isolation, you should consider talking to a professional to guide you on this because it is a basic human need to connect with other humans.

Why you might need to set a healthy boundary

In our bid to want to be accepted and feel among, we might give away too much of ourselves. This may put us in a rather vulnerable place, and people can take advantage of that. You would only lose your sense of self if you try so hard to please people.

Setting healthy boundaries can help you tune into your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Knowing and understanding how you feel, can give you a clearer picture of what type of boundary needs to be set.

What does a healthy boundary look like?

Here are a few types of boundaries you might want to consider based on your needs

• Physical boundaries: could be at the workplace or at home. This involves your body, how you feel about being touched, and your own personal space. To explore your physical boundaries, one question you can ask yourself is: "Am I comfortable with hugs from colleagues?"
• Emotional boundaries: are set around feelings. Things you feel comfortable sharing, whom you feel comfortable sharing with, and whom you would never get to share with. When you're comfortable sharing and when a certain conversation is becoming uncomfortable. To explore your emotional boundaries, one question you can ask yourself is: "Am I comfortable sharing this (a particular concern of yours) with my friend/family/colleague?"
• Sexual boundaries: Sex educators say that It is ok to say 'No' to your partner when it comes to sex. This type of boundary borders around consent, sexual safety, privacy, etc. To explore your sexual boundaries, one question you can ask yourself is: "How do I communicate consent? Verbally or Non-verbally?"
• Time boundaries: We all know how precious time is. These are boundaries you set regarding how you spend your time, what you invest your time on, and how you prioritize your time. To explore your time boundaries, one question you can ask yourself is: "How much 'me-time' do I want for myself in a week?"
• Material boundaries: These are boundaries you set regarding your possessions; money, outfit, car, etc. To explore your material boundaries, one question you can ask yourself is: "How do I feel about sharing my clothing with someone else?"

4 steps to setting healthy boundaries

• Define it: figure out what you want, then visualize and write down what boundaries you want to set.
• Communicate it: be polite but firm on how you communicate your boundaries to other people. Don't be scared to say No to things you don't want to do. You don't necessarily have to explain, you could, but don't over-explain yourself. You're doing it for you.
• Make it simple: it should not be complicated. Make it as clear and concise as possible.
• Set consequences: for you to be taken seriously, there should be some consequences for disrespecting your set boundaries.

In conclusion

Setting healthy boundaries is a very important part of self-care. It will help you establish a sense of individuality. It is normal to feel guilty when you initially start out, but you should have in mind the importance and why you decided to do it in the first place.

As much as you would like your boundaries to be respected, ensure to respect other people's, and appreciate it because it is equally as important to them as yours is to you.

Finally, do not forget that it takes time. So, be patient and practice, with time it gets better.