How to set expectations effectively in five steps

Setting expectations is about clarity and assertiveness. The challenge is how do you communicate your stance without coming across as unsupportive or even combative. The key is to “leave your place and visit theirs.”

Try to let go of your perspective, opinion, and values. Instead, find out what is important to the other person and flex accordingly.

Empathy refers to the ability to identify the thoughts and feelings of another person—to understand another person’s point of view. Empathy is the feeling relationship in which one person understands the other person as if he or she was the other person. Empathy emphasizes understanding.

The key to this five-step technique is balancing assertiveness and empathy.

Five-step process for setting expectations:

1. State the situation as you see it. The customer need to know how you perceive the situation so they can evaluate your position. Give context, background info, anything that can show the other person that you have done research, looked at several options and know what you are talking about.

2. Empathize with the customer and their perspective. We downplay the influence of emotions in our day-to-day contacts, especially in the business world. We want to show empathy and compassion, and that we understand where they are coming from.

3. Deliver the bottom line. This is the moment of truth when you state, with utter clarity, what it is you will do and how you will do it. Be assertive, and make sure that you avoid using vague language.

4. Provide evidence. The last step is to provide support, proof and evidence why your perspective is the correct one and why you have to set the expectations in this way. Example of evidence could be a ROI-analysis, case studies, Proof-of-concepts, or previous experiences.  During this step we also have to provide the benefits of your stance in customer terms. A person doesn’t necessarily buy into your argument without seeing the benefits of it. Elaborate on the benefits or the positive consequences of your recommendation helps the customer to realize the value of your approach.

Your argument needs a happy ending, whether that happy ending is increased productivity, new business opportunities, less risk or happy customers. A warning though, if we simplify the benefits too much or if these benefits are obvious to the client – don’t overstate them. It might make the customer feel like you are being condescending – that the benefits should be obvious to them.

5. End with an open-ended question. A request that is expressed as a question—one that cannot be answered by a yes or no—is less threatening. How do you feel about this? Would this for you? I hope this is something you can support?  With an open-ended suggestion or question, you invite the other person to work toward a solution with you. It takes pressure out of the interaction.

This technique could also be used for resetting expectations. The only thing you might have to do differently is to spend more time elaborating during the first step – State the situation as you see it. When you are resetting expectations, you have to provide even more background context and thoroughly explain the milestones and decisions that led us to this point. It is very common that people don’t remember in detail what brought us to this cross-road and without those details they might not understand or accept your stance.