How to set boundaries
Leah Sefor
Writer - exploring themes of what it means to be a human being. Author of 'That's Not What I Meant!', 'The Freedom Factor' and 'Women Excelling Everywhere'.
A boundary is an invisible line of protection that you hold in place to stop your space being violated Your boundaries give others clear instructions on how to treat you and, when you have clear boundaries, you will understanding how to respect other people’s boundaries as well. Strong boundaries are an absolute necessity for you to have a healthy life. So where do you start?
Warning: Others aren’t going to make it easy for you to put a boundary in place or to walk away. They’ve had it easy while you’ve been carrying their burdens for them so they’re not going to be too willing to take them back. They’ll cry / shout / get angry or pull out all their manipulations to get you to stay and say yes. But you need to end this. You come first! And, If a relationship ends because you’re putting a boundary in place, then so be it. Stop hanging on to relationships where you are treated with contempt. Yes, even if it’s a parent, or that friend you’ve had since primary school, or your sibling or your boss. You have the right to say no!
5. Get clear about where boundaries are being blurred in your life. Focus on these different areas: Spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, sexual, material, professional, technology. Who is violating them? What is the behaviour that needs to stop? What should they be doing instead? How can you communicate that to the person crossing that line??
6. Don’t lay blame at their feet or make accusations. Take responsibility for having allowed these boundary violations to happen in the first place because you’re the one that said yes. Be clear that it’s over and that the dynamics of your relationship are changing.
7. Be non-negotiable about what your boundaries are. Tell them why their behaviour or the situation isn’t working for you, guide them on how and when it needs to change and be clear on what the consequences will be if that person disrespects your boundaries again.?
8. Confront boundary violations as soon as they happen again and hold fast to the consequences you told them about. Don’t promise a consequence and then not follow through on them or they will never respect your boundaries.
9. Communicate your boundaries to everyone in your life so they all know where they stand.
Boundaries are not meant to be punitive or hurtful. They’re not there to isolate you or punish others. They’re there to protect and contain. It’s the greatest act of self love you can engage in. Setting boundaries builds your confidence and self-respect and has a significant impact on your self-esteem. They exists for your health, your happiness and your well-being. Setting boundaries takes time and practice, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
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? If you struggle with boundaries, get your copy of my eWorkbook: The Freedom Factor, available for download through my site. It will give you clear examples and practical tools on how to set strong boundaries in your life.?
Reviews of The Freedom Factor:
‘‘This book is life changing. Each damn page is a revelation!
In a nutshell - life changing! It felt like you directed it purely for me. It is a gift that no money could buy. I would truly encourage everyone to read it. Thank you! I will read it again and again.’?
‘Thank you for your workbook. It’s easy and succinct and will definitely help those needing to take their 1st steps towards personal freedom. It’s very good information.’
‘It felt like this book was meant for me. The book seems simple and is an easy read but working through the exercises proved to be more real and intense and forced me to be truthful about so many aspects of my life. I now feel clearer and a lot lighter.
Get your copy here: The Freedom Factor
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‘That’s Not What I Meant!’ The smart, savvy guide to real communication'?is available from all?major bookstores?and?eTailers?in South Africa and the?kindle version?is available on Amazon.
Office Assistant at Sweetwater Union High School District
2 年At work.
Office Assistant at Sweetwater Union High School District
2 年I find this really interesting. Unbelievable things happen and are happening. Out of CONTROL
Social media manager , content creator, Digital marketing expert, tech blogger, AI and tech Enthusiast , Top Office Administration Voice.
2 年??