How Separating Parents Can Still Provide Emotional Support For Their Kids
Amanda Dounis
Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist, Counsellor, NLP Master Practitioner, Early Childhood Teacher, Author
Kids may shut themselves off and become distant or even avoid others. Emotional support during this trying time can go a long way in helping kids develop healthy and strong pathways as they navigate this experience.
In this article, we will discuss the emotional support kids need when parents separate and offer tips for keeping kids healthy and happy as much as possible from the onset of separation and to the pathway forward.
The right emotional support for kids is individualistic. It depends on their age, temperament, and personality. How separation affects them varies greatly from child to child, and circumstance to circumstance. Some children may be relatively relaxed by their parent's separation, while others may find it difficult. They may find it difficult to cope with changes in routines, home life as well as family dynamics. Supporting children through such changes is an essential foundation of their emotional health. So, how can parents help?
1. Communication
First and foremost, it's important to keep a line of communication open with children during the separation. It should be received and understood that parents will continue to be present and accessible in their children's lives. Even if their living situation changes, reassure kids that both parents still love them and will work together to make sure their kids' needs are met. This is important.
2. Routines
Second, both parents need to maintain a routine for their kids (s). This consistency can help offset the many unknowns that come with a separation. Even if schedules change and events are rescheduled, keeping kids informed of those decisions via communication can help provide a sense of stability. Routines provide structure and act as a way of helping kids feel secure in their environment. Knowing what's happening offers a sense of calm.
3. Inviting expression
Third, it's crucial to foster open communication with children. This includes listening to their issues, concerns, and fears. Remember there are more and less appropriate moments for such conversations. These moments must be suitable for all involved. As parents, it's natural to want to protect children from too much information about the separation. But this is not always helpful. When children sense the energy in the home, they experience emotions in their way. Engaging with them and empathizing with their feelings, can help them process what they are feeling. And also help them learn coping strategies to increase their resilience through such periods.
Parents should also avoid blaming and speaking ill about the other parent in front of their children. This can create distress, confusion and emotional turbulence in a child's life. As much as possible, both parents should continue to work together to provide consistency and continuity for the child. This is extremely important. Although it may be hard, parents can remind themselves that their child needs both parents in his or her life (if this is possible), regardless of their personal feelings.
Pre-separation conflict can harm children.
At times, children may feel pressure or be put in a position to take sides or play peacemaker with their parents. Avoiding this situation is necessary. It's important to let children be children and refrain from putting them in the position of mediator. When parents call on kids to choose one over the other, it adds an extra burden to their already complicated lives. Even when parents disagree, remind kids that it's okay to love both parents.
4. Seeking support
If a child feels the need to share negative feelings and concerns, let them know that speaking to a supportive and trusted adult, such as a counsellor, is an option that they can consider. In many cases, children benefit from the safe space that talking with a counsellor can provide. It's essential to normalize these conversations so children feel comfortable opening up about their thoughts and feelings. Receiving counselling is great for support and helps process feelings.
5. Activities
Parents can also encourage children to engage in different activities such as sports and hobbies outside of the home. This can provide a sense of control and independence over their environment and help increase self-confidence and a feeling of empowerment. For example, getting kids involved in extracurricular activities, such as sports, clubs, music, and arts, or participating in community groups. This can help them build and expand on new friendships, and make positive connections.
In conclusion, it's important to extend emotional support to kids of all ages when parents separate. Children need parents who are present, accessible, consistent, empathetic and understanding of their feelings. Patience will also go a long way. Encourage open communication, be mindful of negative actions and words about the other parent, and foster opportunities for kids to build positive relationships outside of the family. By doing so, parents can help them work towards their development into well-adjusted adults. Remember, it is helpful to seek additional support for children struggling during this time. If you find your child is struggling in preventing negative feelings and emotions, it may be time to seek out professional help for the best possible path forward.
I hope this article helps parents toward the right direction should they find themselves in this situation.