How To Self-Evaluate Your Writing Without Bruising Your Ego

Criticism Hurts

No one likes to be criticized. It hurts our ego, and we tend to get defensive or passive-aggressive. That is because we are too close to the subject and need more breadth of vision; we lack distance and objectivity. Yet, we need to be aware of two types of criticism. Harmful and helpful. The mistake we make is to think all criticism is destructive.

When it comes to life, business, and writing, how we conduct and express ourselves reflects our upbringing, values, learned experiences, and book knowledge. It’s also cultural and societal. Writing is one of the most challenging forms of communication, and nowadays, its place in the pantheon of arts is mutating. Perhaps that is true of all art forms. I want to focus on writing long-form.

Separate the Writing From Your Memory

The main obstacle to better storytelling when writing is not allowing personal feelings about the topic to seep into the story.

Take, for example, a former spouse. You’re writing a feature, short or long-form story about the travails of divorce and how it affects the family and extended families involved. You sit down at your desk or a cafe and begin outlining the story arc, the beginning, the middle, and the end. Jot down the main points. But your mind wanders to your own experiences. All the bad ones. The incidents that you thought were dead and buried. The words that stung. The arguments that crippled you creep back in, and your stomach suddenly feels queasy. Then you’re too busy feeling your belly and thinking all the negative thoughts and not writing! This type of self-criticism is harmful.

If you’re struggling with becoming an objective writer, why not book an hour-long session with me to discuss overcoming the hurdles? Book a Session

Turn it around

You sit down at your desk and begin outlining a story about a sour marriage, business partnership, or other loss, such as a job, a friendship, or a death. Immediately, you’re reminded of the terrible things that occurred to you, the injustices, court cases, and slights hurled toward you from those you thought were friends. Instead of dwelling on these thoughts, you thank the perp(s) (if there’s more than one) for blessing you with such an experience.

If you can move back even more, you might find humor in the past. One way to elicit laughter from a situation you once thought to be awful is to pretend you aren't the protagonist. Replace yourself with a fictional character. Look through a telescope rather than a pin needle to see how everyone interacted, especially you. In this way, you remove the sting of the emotions and can see the situation through more transparent lenses.

This method helped me ghostwrite and get through many trigger moments while writing my book. Read my memoir

And let’s face it, writers amongst you. Every work of fiction has some basis of true stories because YOU, the writer, are pulling the stories from your imagination. Try this method and let me know how it goes.