Redefining Happiness: The Five Pillars of Lifelong Joy

When was the last time something made you feel happy or unhappy? How long did that feeling last? Conversations about lasting happiness are both timeless and tricky. Let's delve into the confusion surrounding the pursuit of happiness and illuminate the best approaches, backed by scientific research.

The Problem with Our Current Understanding of Happiness

Happiness is a universal desire. Whether you're aware of it or not, your choices likely revolve around what you believe will make you happiest or most satisfied. Often, these choices are short-term and sometimes unconscious.

We've all experienced that happy "buzz" that comes from this decision-making process. We want something, we get it, we're happy, and we assume life is good forever. But is it the end? No. The feeling fades, leading us to believe we're no longer happy and must find it again. Before we know it, we're jumping to the next goal or achievement, becoming insatiable like Buddhism's "hungry ghosts."

If we let this cycle dictate what we believe happiness to be, it becomes both elusive and illusory. We're attaching happiness to material or momentary gains. Additionally we're confusing the desire for long term happiness with the experience of short-term pleasure. In doing so, we create a cause-and-effect relationship between the external world and our internal states, wrongly believing that happiness stems from specific moments.

Jonathan Haidt, who explores the "progress principle," his book "The Happiness Hypothesis," sheds light on this: "We derive more pleasure from making progress toward our goals than from actually achieving them. As Shakespeare said, 'Joy’s soul lies in the doing.'” The saying, "It’s not the destination but the journey" isn’t just a cliché; it's scientifically backed.

A New Understanding of Happiness

To approach happiness differently, we need a fresh definition. Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile." This is one of the most holistic definitions I've encountered.

In simple terms, happiness means looking at your life and feeling, overall, that things are going well.

Stop Pursuing Happiness

Why do concepts like the progress principle or quotes from Shakespeare even exist? Because our society places tremendous value on happiness. We're sneakily told to chase it relentlessly, assuming that monumental changes—a new job, home, relationship, or car—will get us there.

But here’s the irony: happiness researchers like Iris Mauss have identified what they call the "paradox of happiness." Those who actively express the desire to pursue happiness often end up less happy. My guest on the show this week, Tal Ben-Shahar , a positive psychology expert, puts it aptly: "We can all agree happiness is good, but valuing it as an end is problematic."

Researchers like Tal Ben-Shahar and Shawn Achor argue that while a week-long vacation may bring short-term joy, long-term happiness is not something we chase but practice.

What You Can Try...

The SPIRE Method

Tal Ben-Shahar, he shared the SPIRE method, which breaks down happiness into five elements of well-being: spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional.

• Spiritual Wellbeing: Focus on being connected to yourself and a higher purpose.
• Physical Wellbeing: Pay attention to movement, diet, and sleep.
• Intellectual Wellbeing: Stay curious and engage in continuous learning.
• Relational Wellbeing: Nurture meaningful relationships.
• Emotional Wellbeing: Maintain emotional health by recognizing and managing your feelings.

Like most valuable life experiences, happiness is closer than you think. It requires a balanced approach to spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being, empowering us to construct our own versions of a happy life rather than waiting for something or someone else's definition to make us happy.

Dig Deeper

Study: Can Seeking Happiness Make People Unhappy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness

Watch: Tal Ben-Shahar 's video, Don't chase happiness. Become antifragile.

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