How Seeking Approval Rewires Your Brain and Kills Your Authentic Self

From the moment we are born, we are shaped by the hands of others. Friends, family, co-workers, classmates—they all mold us into versions they prefer, subtly or overtly influencing the person we become. The desire to be accepted, to belong, is powerful enough to rewire our brains, forcing us to think like others instead of thinking for ourselves. Acceptance isn’t just a social construct; it’s a tool that shapes our minds, kills our individuality, and erases our potential.

When you seek acceptance, your brain adapts. Neurons that once fired in the direction of originality and self-expression are rerouted to align with what’s expected of you. Every time you go along with something for the sake of fitting in, you reinforce the pathways in your brain that tell you: This is the right way because it is the accepted way.

Think back—do you even remember the first time someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? For many, that memory is buried deep. It’s uncomfortable, even painful to recall, because most of us never became the person we envisioned. Why? Because the world demanded we trade those dreams for approval. Slowly, you stopped being what you wanted and became what others needed you to be.

Religion, traditions, and political parties are among the most powerful forces that suppress the desire to become something different. From a young age, we’re told who to be, how to act, what to believe, and even who to support. The weight of these expectations kills curiosity, smothers innovation, and suffocates the desire to question the rules.

Religion often offers the comfort of belonging, but at what cost? It teaches conformity under the guise of faith and unity, shaping your thoughts before you even have a chance to discover who you are. Traditions hand you a prepackaged set of values and behaviors, passed down from generation to generation, leaving little room for personal evolution.

Political parties are no different. Once you align with a party, you are expected to adopt its views wholesale. The pressure to conform within political affiliations can be immense. You may believe that you are part of a cause, but what happens when the party’s agenda conflicts with your own morals? People often stop thinking critically and start adopting positions simply because they’re aligned with the ‘tribe.’ When your political beliefs are dictated by a party rather than personal reflection, have you truly made a choice?

Now, think about it—do you remember the moment when someone asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For many of us, that dream feels distant, even irrelevant now. The truth is, most people don’t become what they envisioned. It’s not because we lacked ambition, but because we traded those dreams for acceptance. We wanted approval more than we wanted authenticity. You allowed yourself to be molded into the person they liked the most.

Ask yourself: When did you stop choosing for yourself? At what point did you let the voices around you dictate your path, shaping your identity, beliefs, and even your desires? Did you stop because you wanted to, or because you needed others to approve of you?

So now, take a moment to reflect. Are you happy? Are you healthy? More importantly, are you the person you truly wanted to be, or are you simply playing the part expected of you?

Acceptance can feel like comfort, but it often comes with the weight of silent oppression. Political parties, religion, and traditions are powerful forces of conformity, shaping not only what we believe but how we believe. You stop asking yourself what you want and start asking what others expect from you.

So, I ask: Are you really living your life, or are you just playing the role others assigned to you?

Liberation from this cycle begins with rejecting the need for approval. It starts with asking difficult questions: Are my beliefs truly mine? Have I been shaped by external forces like political party, religion, or tradition in ways that no longer serve me? What would my life look like if I let go of the need to conform and allowed myself to think freely?

You’ve spent years playing a part, but now it’s time to ask—are you ready to become the person you always wanted to be?