How to see the truth in comparison

I always think that this time of year is one of the easiest times of year to get sucked into comparing your life with others. Whether it’s looking at other’s social media posts about their amazing holidays, days out, their latest garden refurb or whether it’s comparing your children’s achievements as exam results are released or even how do they all manage running their business at 100mph whilst still spending ‘quality’ time with their kids who are on school holidays! I think over the years, I’ve heard it all – and thought it all! But what I do know, is that when we compare ourselves to others we rarely feel good about it.?

I was even shocked the other day when I shared on social media how I was riding a bike, and a lovely business owner commented how she had put me (yes me) on a metaphorical pedestal and didn’t think that there was anything I couldn’t do – but felt good that she could ride a bike and I couldn’t – it hadn’t really occurred to me before that others compare themselves to me!??

I find it fascinating that we, as humans, do this, it’s like we need to know whether we are ahead or behind others, are we doing well in life or not. I’m not sure where it stems from, but I suspect it has something to do with how we are educated – I’m not judging that, just that we spend a lot of our formative years being marked and told how we are doing. Then we are released into the outside world where there isn’t such constant feedback. So how do we know how we are doing??

When I reflected on this, it occurred to me that we don’t ever really know what is going on in someone else’s world. I noticed this when my kids were small, I would share amazingly happy family pictures, however no one knew the tonnes of tantrums it took to get to that point. To the outside world all they saw was smiling photos – and I’ve done this before, I’ve assumed a whole back story about that, usually no tantrums, planned to a T, everyone is always happy, all of which was completely untrue! I see this in business all the time, particularly small businesses, it’s easy to look at the ‘outside’ of a business, what they want to show the world, and assume a whole story about that and usually we tell ourselves that it is so much better than our own experience. However, the truth is, instead of comparing two similar situations we are comparing our reality with a fictitious idea of another, which is always going to be far superior – it’s a bit like comparing an apple you are eating with what you think Jamie Oliver’s Spaghetti Bolognese would be like if he cooked it for you next Tuesday!?

When we start to notice that we are simply comparing our reality with an idea we have, we start to see how fruitless an exercise that is. We don’t need to judge ourselves on that, it’s part of being a human being and it’s sometimes what our minds do. However, it does leave us freer to refocus on where we are and appreciate what we have achieved without clouding it with the lens of comparison!??

with love,

Andrea x

p.s if you would like to learn more about how understanding your state of mind can impact the success of your professional career or business, let’s have a chat. To find a time to suit you?click here.

Andrea Morrison is a Transformational Coach, Tedx Speaker, Writer and Columnist for The Yorkshire Post. Find out more about her forthcoming events and programmes on her website:?www.andreamorrison.co.uk