How science can flip the script on bad bosses

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Do you remember your bad bosses? Me too, as clear as day.

And—hear me out—that’s actually a good thing. We can learn a lot by remembering what was frustrating about working for certain people along the course of our career.

The inspiring power of bad bosses

It’s easy to be inspired by a boss you love, and I was lucky to have one of those right out of the gate. My first proper boss, Christine, was a model blend of smarts, warmth, and balance. I learned a lot from her about how a great manager can provide direction and support, and create space for you to grow. She showed me that it was possible to guide the delivery of high-quality work while encouraging us to have fun doing it. There were lots of laughs in the small room our team shared.

But working for someone you don’t enjoy is also helpful in sharpening your sense of who you want to be as a leader and professional, whether you’re early in your career or an experienced manager.

We usually can’t wait to get away from people we hate working with—in fact, not liking your boss is a top reason people change jobs. But we miss an opportunity if we don’t pause to think about what we’re learning before we leave them in the dust:

My mega micromanager

One particular manager who comes to mind (let’s call him Mr. S) used to edit every sentence on every PowerPoint slide I put together. It was quite an achievement, not only because of the micromanagement involved (though that’s the main point here) but also because of the linguistic butchery.?

He typically made each heading or phrase twice as long, inserted various syntactic and grammatical mistakes, and occasionally even changed the meaning of the message completely. To be clear, Mr. S was a decent person… but he was a terrible writer, and his mental model of what engaged management looked like involved line-editing everyone’s work. Sigh.

But I learned a lot from his approach. I realized I had a tendency towards heavy editing myself, and it was the first time I’d been on the receiving end. Wow! It did not feel good. I resolved there and then to do a few things differently with my own direct reports. Here’s what I decided:

1. Ration my edits. Every edit I avoid helps to preserve a sense of ownership and pride in the person who wrote the draft. So: I aim to only make the changes that are really needed. If a change I want is really a question of style, I let it stand. And I try to describe the outcome I want, rather than make the changes myself: “I’d like this to be shorter/longer/more conversational in tone—can you have a go?”
2. Ask people what kind of input they need from me when they send me a rough draft, before launching in. Maybe they don’t actually want edits—they may just want to talk through the big ideas and check they’re heading in the right direction.
3. As early as possible, have a broader conversation with colleagues about the format of team deliverables and the ideal process for getting them reviewed and out the door.?

And the bigger point is this: I became a much better leader thanks to Mr. S’s micromanagement—however annoying it was at the time.

“Approach” instead of “avoidance” goals

Here’s the thing, though: There’s an art to crystallizing the learning from bad experiences we have, with bosses or otherwise.

That’s because we do better with “approach goals” (aims that are framed as a desire to do more of something good) than “avoidance goals” (doing less of something bad). In fact, research has found that approach goals improve performance about the same amount as avoidance goals depress it*. In general, we perform better against complex goals when we decide we want to do something versus want to avoid doing something.

And when you’re trying to learn from bad experiences, it’s natural to frame the learning as an “avoidance” goal: “I’ll never, ever, do what they did to me!”

But actually, it’s more powerful if you can reframe the learning as an approach goal.

For example, I could have decided “I’ll never make pointless edits!” (And believe me, that is what I said to myself at first). But then I reframed my learning to the following approach goals: “Ration my edits. Describe the outcome I want. Ask what people need. Discuss team process and style up front.”

Much more actionable, right? You can see how turning the learning into a positive commitment makes it more likely I’ll do something useful with the experience.

So think back on your “bad bosses.” And first, allow yourself to make whatever noise those memories bring to mind (maybe a dramatic groan-sigh, or a primal scream).?

Then, make a list and ask yourself: how could you commit to doing the opposite of what your bad boss did in the way you work or lead? Try to frame the insight as a positive action, rather than the avoidance of a negative action.

Making lemonade

I’ve found this reframe to be a valuable way to make meaning from a challenging stretch in my career—and I hope you do, too.?

So what ended up happening with Mr. S.? Did I quit in exasperation? Not quite, but it wasn’t a sustainable situation… I will share a bit more about? my confrontation with Mr. S (which was less dramatic than that sounds) plus additional lessons learned from past challenging bosses in my personal email newsletter next week. I’d love to send it to you if you’re interested—you can sign up here.

It can certainly be a pain to deal with this kind of wearying behavior in the workplace. Fortunately, most “bad” bosses aren’t bad all the time—in most cases they are well-meaning humans who haven’t had the feedback they need, and many have valuable lessons to teach us—if we do ourselves the service of paying attention to them in the right way.?

Next time you encounter some bumpy behavior at work, try saying “what does this make me want to commit to doing?” And let me know how it goes!

Leadership is about more than strategies and goals; it's deeply rooted in our mental and emotional skills. Explore the habits that define successful leadership, from managing stress to inspiring your team, and become a leader who people LOVE to work for.

Source:

*Elliot, A.J., & Church, M.A. (1997). A hierarchical model of approach and avoidance achievement motivation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(1), 218–232.