How to say thanks like you mean it??

Dear Leaders and Readers,

As we kick off Thanksgiving week in the United States, we're also entering the unofficial season of year-end thank you's.

Many people get tongue-tied by the prospect of boiling down a year's worth of achievements to a few words, or intimidated by the blank page (or screen) where they draft their remarks. That's why I'm focusing this month on a few reflections to help you say thank you like you mean it. You can scroll down for those. And I look forward to hearing your tips too.

On a philosophical and more personal note, I've found the regular practice of gratitude to be a true wonder balm in my life. Plenty of research shows gratitude can lift moods, open perspectives and strengthen relationships. I attend a weekly faith service where people in the community share something they’re grateful for (a.k.a. their “blessings.”) These blessings are not complex - they are sometimes about celebrating a recent life milestone, getting a new job, averting a health scare averted, or even just noticing the weather. Over the years, I’ve found something remarkable happens while sitting and listening to other people count their blessings: It reminds me of my own. Talk about gaining perspective!

How do the benefits of this ancient human practice apply in a work or business context now? Here are a few ways:

• Community building. By celebrating accomplishments together, leaders can give teams a renewed sense of purpose.
• Culture reinforcement. When you highlight an achievement and say how it relates to your organizational norms and common purpose, you reinforce the values that you want others to emulate.
• Morale boost. Work is hard. Sometimes it feels like a slog. Recognizing progress made over time towards a long-term goal is a great way to remind people why they do what they do every day.

In this time of worker shortages and spikes in attrition - some call it the Great Resignation or Great Reshuffle - leaders and managers should be thinking about expressing gratitude as another way to engage people around common goals on a regular basis. When an employee calls to say they're moving on, it's likely too late to get them to reverse their decision by saying thank you. Similarly, a generic thank you that comes across as rushed or perfunctory can fall flat.

As you think about how to express gratitude at the end of the year and beyond, remember that any thank you is usually better than no thank you (so don't overthink it). Still, it can be helpful to start with a few pointers. Here are some of my favorites. What am I missing that works for you?

Be specific about who you're thanking and why

What sounds better to you?

Version 1: "Big thanks you to the IT, HR and Operations teams for their work onboarding our new employees!"

Or Version 2: "I want to pause a moment to tell you about Ashley in IT Operations. She went above and beyond this quarter to make sure our new employees felt welcome, included and productive from the moment they joined our team. Thanks to her thoughtfulness, every single one of our 96 new team members received a welcome pack on their doorsteps with a company laptop, microphone, camera and team t-shirt with their name on it. When you bump into Ashley, please join me in thanking her for doing her part to connect us all and exemplifying our value of inclusiveness."

I know which thank you I'd prefer if I were Ashley in IT! And for the rest of the team, the second version tells them very specifically about the kind of effort and behavior that rises above the rest.

Use names and details strategically

As I like to say: "a good story isn't all the stories."

Being judicious about who and what you include will help you make those being recognized feel special. And it will help everyone else understand what differentiates basic, everyday effort from remarkable effort.

When preparing recognition in a group forum like an email or a companywide meeting, I hear a lot of people say: "I don't want to leave anyone out because I don't want them to feel badly." But this approach can result in such a long list of names that no one feels especially motivated or engaged by the recognition.

Similarly, a heartfelt thank you doesn't need to be long or lavish to be effective. Usually there are 1-2 details that are most interesting, memorable and emblematic. Use those! And leave the rest out. You will make your point clearly and succinctly.

Public versus private thanks

Big public thank you's at a meeting or on social media have their place. They can be easily shared and shine a spotlight on a person or small team.

But individual thank you's via a thoughtful email, hand-written note or even a phone call can be equally effective. This is especially true when it's a senior leader reaching out to a person who is working two or more reporting layers down in the organization. These "private" thank you's can feel even more heartfelt and can establish a new relationship.

One reason a lot of leaders avoid the individual approach is because it doesn't feel "scalable" or seems like a lot of work to reach large numbers of people. But something to consider is that a leader who has a practice of reaching out to individuals in the organization on a regular basis - even privately - will get a reputation for doing so. People will naturally tell their friends and colleagues, and word will spread that the leader is really paying attention and getting to know the organization.

It's always a good time to say thank you

If you're feeling rushed and crushed by the season and fall behind on your thank you's, don't worry. Despite the prevalence of end-of-year recognition, every day is a good day to say thanks.

Today I'm dedicating this 16th edition of the C-Level Stories newsletter to two friends who have taught me so much. Among their many gifts, both are masters at expressing gratitude and saying thanks with heart and sincerity.

To my friend Shannon Brayton: Your advice and support have been a huge boon to my happiness since we met back in 2013. When we got together for an outdoor coffee in the depths of the pandemic a year ago, you suggested I start this newsletter as another way to connect with people during this time of remote work. Over the past year, the practice of sitting down to share what I've learned about leader presence and communication - and hearing back from readers - has been deeply meaningful to me. Thanks for everything, Shannon!

And to Kari Riedel, who has been a steady friend and source of inspiration since we met in 2009: You gave me this notepad a few years ago, and every time I glance at it, I'm reminded of your thoughtful disposition, generous spirit, and contagious gratitude practice, which has been a model for me. Your passion for reading and teaching through Bookopolis and beyond has been a powerful force for good for so many. I'm very grateful for you, Kari!

To all the Readers and Leaders out there - Wishing you and yours a healthy, peaceful time of year! - RG